jojoqueen Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I have been putting alot of thought into the question of marriage, I am just not sure why. My question is : If I dont think I could marry my long time ''spouse'' because of his actions and my own moral standards, is it worth the effort to keep doing what we are doing, living together under the honor system? I know that i have passed the honor system for 23 yrs, but he hasn't.
drifter777 Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 So you have lived together for 23 years without being married?
Author jojoqueen Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 yes, 21 of those years I mistakenly thought it was just us in the relationship. over the last 2.5 yrs, I am learning that he wasn't in the same type of relationship that I was in, however, he now says he regrets his actions(after I made him leave our home) and wants to prove he knows how to be faithful.
Ninja'sHusband Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Do you have kids? This to me makes a massive difference in the answers.
Author jojoqueen Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 History.... Friends for 25 yrs.. Couple(without marriage)for 23yrs. We have 3 kids, 2 adults and a preteen.
Ninja'sHusband Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Ok well I think are several things to focus on here then. 1) needs of your preteen, how is family life? Are you guys fighting a lot? What is the environment like? 2) What is your partner doing to prove himself to you? 3) Do feel like you will ever be able to forgive\trust again? How long since "D-Day"? (Discovery Day) You go through a lot of crazy ups and downs when you first discover infidelity.
Author jojoqueen Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 There is no fighting at our home. I have always been very private about any and all disagreements. None of our kids know anything is going on. We started councelling together, also individually at my request because I was certain that the therapist was not grasping how hurt and betrayed I felt. He has also been alot more attentive, I know he is stepping outside of his comfort zone with his attention. I have always in our past 'excused' his lack of showing affection because I know what his childhood was like. Do I think I can forgive and trust again? I am not sure, I don't think so, but who knows, I do love him, but how I feel changes from day to day. I discovered his first ''extra'' relationship in June of 2010, another via my snooping in march 2011, and the last one I discovered was in June of 2012, however the last find was proof of a relationship from 2008 that was short lived, but they remained friends afterwards. And when I say friends, I mean they work together, run together and have even included both sets of families in activities together.
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