pencapchew Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 A female friend and I are both married and have become incredibly close over the past few months, in part because our marriages are falling apart and we have that in common. We've known each other for many years and have interacted mainly as separate couples who spend time together, but I had never done anything on my own with her until recently, when we went out for drinks. At the end of the night, we shared an extremely long (close to a minute) and loving embrace and I admitted to her a few days later that I never wanted to let her go. Her response was that she appreciated this, but that she couldn't give me more of a response because she doesn't want to add complications and is trying to work on things with her husband. In a previous conversation where I admitted that I'm attracted to her, she gave a similar response where she said thank you and that she couldn't say more at this time because she wants to work on her marriage still. She's a very kind and loving person and I know she doesn't want to cross any lines in an outward manner (like I obviously have), so I don't know if she's just being nice or if she really is holding back actual feelings for me. Do you have any thoughts on this?
whichwayisup Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I think she's been pretty forward with her intentions, yet you're not hearing her words. Or taking her seriously as it just seems you want her. Twice she said she needs to focus on her marriage. She isn't wanting to cross that line, she IS trying to fix her marriage so back off and stop asking her how she feels. Respect her, respect her marriage, even if yours is falling apart and you're looking for an affair. 1
whichwayisup Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 so I don't know if she's just being nice or if she really is holding back actual feelings for me. What if she is holding back some feelings? Does it really matter or change things? She is married and a faithful wife, so you knowing if she is attracted to you or has some feelings, is ego related. It's not like she is going to allow anything to happen between you two, so why go there? 2
JamesM Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Ditto what WWIU said. This woman was honest in a kind way. She let you know that while she appreciated your feelings towards her and while she may have some feelings towards you, it is not right that either she or you acts on those feelings. Simple. If she does leave her husband, then feel free to call her. In the meantime, either fix your own or leave your wife. 2
Author pencapchew Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 What if she is holding back some feelings? Does it really matter or change things? She is married and a faithful wife, so you knowing if she is attracted to you or has some feelings, is ego related. It's not like she is going to allow anything to happen between you two, so why go there? You're correct, it's ego related and it won't change things. I'm really not looking for an affair with her and do want to keep it at a friendship level because I'm working on my marriage as well.
belkin2 Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 You're correct, it's ego related and it won't change things. I'm really not looking for an affair with her and do want to keep it at a friendship level because I'm working on my marriage as well. Coming here and making this post...I have to wonder how committed you are to working on your marriage. The energy you take back to your marriage from thinking about or being with this woman is not going to help. 1
Author pencapchew Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 Coming here and making this post...I have to wonder how committed you are to working on your marriage. The energy you take back to your marriage from thinking about or being with this woman is not going to help. There's far more to this story that I've left out and if I had mentioned it all, there would be no questioning my committment to making things work in my marriage. These were moments of particular weakness for me and I manned up and apologized to my friend today and told her to give me a swift kick to the ass if I do something inappopriate (which I don't plan on doing). Thanks for the helpful words. 1
belkin2 Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 There's far more to this story that I've left out and if I had mentioned it all, there would be no questioning my committment to making things work in my marriage. These were moments of particular weakness for me and I manned up and apologized to my friend today and told her to give me a swift kick to the ass if I do something inappopriate (which I don't plan on doing). Thanks for the helpful words. I figured as much. Sorry if I came across as accusing you of not really working on things, but with the info given I had to ask. If/when you are up to it, put your story out there. Many of us have. This forum and can be helpful. Just be careful how you take the words given here as it can easily be used to fuel your fires. Used effectively there are some great words of advise or shared experiences that can help. 1
schoolmate Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I would say focus all your energy on your M and let your friend do the same. You sure dont want to be the reason for her M to go wrong even if it is not at its best now. If you are a good friend,,,you would just cut down any contact so even if there's a chance of an A simmering - it will be stopped well in time. If you allow yourself to see her more often - it wont help anyone rather it might complicate things.
Recommended Posts