KungFuJoe Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I am 27. I have had about 5 relationships lasting between 6 months to 3 years. You're still young. Way too young to give up hope. I have gone through my share of relationship nightmares. Without going into too much detail, when I hit rock bottom I was only able to get through the day with sleeping pills and 100 proof southern comfort. And I never, not once, did I feel that I would not be able to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, without compromise and with full trust. And I eventually found that person. It's a cliche, but if you set your mind to it, anything is possible.
Author verhrzn Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 You're still young. Way too young to give up hope. I have gone through my share of relationship nightmares. Without going into too much detail, when I hit rock bottom I was only able to get through the day with sleeping pills and 100 proof southern comfort. And I never, not once, did I feel that I would not be able to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, without compromise and with full trust. And I eventually found that person. It's a cliche, but if you set your mind to it, anything is possible. That's nice. I bet I could cure cancer too, despite my appalling skills at science. Come on, there's a certain point where we have to be realistic about ourselves.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Every man knows/sees women he wants to have sex with. I could easily name 20 women off the top of my head that I'd like to have sex with right now, but I don't because I have a girlfriend and, being a rational adult, I know how much it would hurt her for me to have sex with someone else. The whole point of being in a relationship is that you don't screw other people. EasyHeart, I thought you were a woman because you liked Gilmore Girls!
KungFuJoe Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 That's nice. I bet I could cure cancer too, despite my appalling skills at science. Come on, there's a certain point where we have to be realistic about ourselves. Then why are you here? You're so determined that you are fine the way you are...why do you have 3000 posts and why did you even make this thread? So you could shoot down everyone who tries to give you solid advice? I'm starting to think you are either lying or just looking for attention. Or you are Brahmabull reincarnated. 3
xxoo Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I didn't start out this way. I started out as me, full of trust... to the point of being rather dumbly naive about it, honestly. My first bf took VERY full advantage of me, and I allowed it, because I didn't want to look insecure or mistrust him. I'd actually say that in my last relationship, I was serenely trusting. He spend the night at other girl's houses. He pointed out girls on the street he thought were hot. Girls texted him constantly, he'd had tons of casual sex partners. And yet I completely trusted him, didn't question him, held my head high.... and he still cheated. You moved from one extreme to the other....from blind trust (in the face of clear red flags), to no trust. What about the healthy middle ground, where you trust as trust is earned? What both extremes have in common is too much bending to keep a man. 2
Author verhrzn Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 Then why are you here? You're so determined that you are fine the way you are...why do you have 3000 posts and why did you even make this thread? So you could shoot down everyone who tries to give you solid advice? I'm starting to think you are either lying or just looking for attention. Or you are Brahmabull reincarnated. Just because I argue with something doesn't mean it doesn't have value. Ninja Pajama's post was very helpful in pointing out that guys are always gonna cheat if they can, and I am bottom dollar. It was also helpful to hear "If a man is totally in love with a man he won't want to have sex with other people!" That confirms my suspicion that the guy I'm dating wanting to have sex with his coworker means he isn't really into me. Mostly I just wanted advice on this new angle, since I am trying to keep him while protecting myself from cheating and betrayal. But apparently all the answers I'm getting back are "Nope he's going to leave you!" While not awesome, those are also helpful because then I can prepare myself to be dumped, again. I post here because I keep hoping I'll see something that can change my situation. But... apparently not. 1
suladas Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 That's nice. I bet I could cure cancer too, despite my appalling skills at science. Come on, there's a certain point where we have to be realistic about ourselves. You're only 27, why would you give up already? My bet is you haven't been threw much compared to what a lot of people have went through. How many people have been divorced 3 times or more? You can't tell me that is easy. I agree with KungFuJoe, everyone hits rock bottom, I still am personally dealing with a break up, it sucks. You want to hold onto that relationship because you think if you don't you'll be alone forever. But you owe it to yourself to keep going on, and you will find someone. Just because someone is smiling or putting on a good face doesn't mean they aren't hurting inside, you'd be surprised how many people aren't as happy as they look.
Author verhrzn Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 You moved from one extreme to the other....from blind trust (in the face of clear red flags), to no trust. What about the healthy middle ground, where you trust as trust is earned? What both extremes have in common is too much bending to keep a man. What's so wrong with bending to keep a man? Sure, if you're fabulous, don't settle.... But if you're not, and don't want to be alone forever, why not bend? Like NinjaPajama said, I'm not getting any high bibs anytime soon. So I could sit here and be single forever, or try to keep what I have. Why is that bad? And when exactly is trust earned? When you see your partner not cheating on you? But there's no way to verify that without ALREADY trusting him... You can't follow him around and go," Yep, no cheating today, point in the trust column!" And if we're talking trust, then isn't him wanting to have sex with his coworker a red flag? So aren't I correct in assuming he would cheat if given the opportunity, so better to head it off with an offer of an open relationship?
KungFuJoe Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Just because I argue with something doesn't mean it doesn't have value. Ninja Pajama's post was very helpful in pointing out that guys are always gonna cheat if they can, and I am bottom dollar. It was also helpful to hear "If a man is totally in love with a man he won't want to have sex with other people!" That confirms my suspicion that the guy I'm dating wanting to have sex with his coworker means he isn't really into me. Mostly I just wanted advice on this new angle, since I am trying to keep him while protecting myself from cheating and betrayal. But apparently all the answers I'm getting back are "Nope he's going to leave you!" While not awesome, those are also helpful because then I can prepare myself to be dumped, again. I post here because I keep hoping I'll see something that can change my situation. But... apparently not. Hoping you'll see what? Your bf treats you like crap. What more do you need to see? Open your own eyes. Break up with him, brush your shoulders off, and live your life. 1
Janesays Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I post here because I keep hoping I'll see something that can change my situation. But... apparently not. Not. Going. To. Happen.
Author verhrzn Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 Hoping you'll see what? Your bf treats you like crap. What more do you need to see? Open your own eyes. Break up with him, brush your shoulders off, and live your life. And be single and alone forever. Yay!.... Because, again, every single guy I've ever dated has treated me this way. Why would it suddenly magically change in the future? So it's either accept this, or be alone forever. Not. Going. To. Happen. Yeah, I'm getting that. Don't worry, Jane, I'll shut up one of these days.
suladas Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 And be single and alone forever. Yay!.... Because, again, every single guy I've ever dated has treated me this way. Why would it suddenly magically change in the future? So it's either accept this, or be alone forever. Yeah, I'm getting that. Don't worry, Jane, I'll shut up one of these days. You said you've had 5 relationships, that is pretty early to give up. How many people would be forever alone if they gave up that quickly? Finding the right person doesn't happen overnight.
KungFuJoe Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 And be single and alone forever. Yay!.... Because, again, every single guy I've ever dated has treated me this way. Why would it suddenly magically change in the future? So it's either accept this, or be alone forever. . I'd rather be alone forever than with someone who doesn't respect me. 4
suladas Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I'd rather be alone forever than with someone who doesn't respect me. x2............
xxoo Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 What's so wrong with bending to keep a man? Sure, if you're fabulous, don't settle.... But if you're not, and don't want to be alone forever, why not bend? Like NinjaPajama said, I'm not getting any high bibs anytime soon. So I could sit here and be single forever, or try to keep what I have. Why is that bad? It doesn't work. No one respects a doormat. It won't keep him. And when exactly is trust earned? When you see your partner not cheating on you? But there's no way to verify that without ALREADY trusting him... You can't follow him around and go," Yep, no cheating today, point in the trust column!" This would be a good topic to delve into with a therapist. And if we're talking trust, then isn't him wanting to have sex with his coworker a red flag? Maybe, and maybe not. Saying that to you is not on the same level as sleeping over at other women's homes, and texting with other women constantly. Can you see how the former is a thought, shared with you, and the other examples are his time and energy, shared with other women?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I have a hard time with men and what I perceive to be their level of loyatly or sometimes lack of. It sure does seem like a lot of guys do want to sleep with other women a lot. Even if they have a good girlfriend/wife at home. But I would never want to be in an open relationship. The day I want an open relationship is the day I just gave up on love and everything I believe in about what makes a relationship. V, I think perhaps you focus too much on external factors when picking your boyfriends and you don't focus enough on their character. Which is why you end up with handsome, charming men that ultimately don't treat you well because you don't consider the facets of their character that make them a good match for you or not. I don't think it sounds like you know yourself very well either because you don't seem to know what character traits you even like in a man. I think you should sit down and make a list of things you like about men regarding their character. Drawing on other relationships you see as inspiration. 1
Author verhrzn Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 I have a hard time with men and what I perceive to be their level of loyatly or sometimes lack of. It sure does seem like a lot of guys do want to sleep with other women a lot. Even if they have a good girlfriend/wife at home. But I would never want to be in an open relationship. The day I want an open relationship is the day I just gave up on love and everything I believe in about what makes a relationship. V, I think perhaps you focus too much on external factors when picking your boyfriends and you don't focus enough on their character. Which is why you end up with handsome, charming men that ultimately don't treat you well because you don't consider the facets of their character that make them a good match for you or not. I don't think it sounds like you know yourself very well either because you don't seem to know what character traits you even like in a man. I think you should sit down and make a list of things you like about men regarding their character. Drawing on other relationships you see as inspiration. Well you are somewhat correct into that I don't look at character traits. Because at the end of the day, all that matters is him liking me. I don't really have a *choice* of men, you see. It's not like I am picking them out. I am literally taking whatever comes my way, which is what I am TOLD to do by these forums. Actually, most of the guys I've dated have been shy, "nice" nerdy boys. The kind of guys who their friends swear by, who are telling misty-eyed tales of how they love women SO much and women just don't see what great guys they are, why won't a woman give them a chance? So I do.... it increases their confidence, and boom, cheated and dumped. Perhaps it is just that I have given up on receiving love. At this point, I will settle for receiving a relationship and giving love. I think that seems like a far more realistic prospect for me.
SteveC80 Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 (edited) boo ****ing hoo go visit a childrens hospital and gain some perspective on life and those who are truly "struggling" They'd glady trade spots with you if the worst thing in your life is meeting jerkoffs..Millions of people go through tons of bad relationships till they find their one And if for some reaosn you never meet your soulmate so what theyres other things to live for then just finding a partner Edited September 13, 2012 by SteveC80 1
mesmerized Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Why do you always seem to date jerks? Or do you turn them to jerks? I don't get it.
Author verhrzn Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 Why do you always seem to date jerks? Or do you turn them to jerks? I don't get it. I think I turn them into jerks....
joystickd Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Well you are somewhat correct into that I don't look at character traits. Because at the end of the day, all that matters is him liking me. I don't really have a *choice* of men, you see. It's not like I am picking them out. I am literally taking whatever comes my way, which is what I am TOLD to do by these forums. Actually, most of the guys I've dated have been shy, "nice" nerdy boys. The kind of guys who their friends swear by, who are telling misty-eyed tales of how they love women SO much and women just don't see what great guys they are, why won't a woman give them a chance? So I do.... it increases their confidence, and boom, cheated and dumped. Perhaps it is just that I have given up on receiving love. At this point, I will settle for receiving a relationship and giving love. I think that seems like a far more realistic prospect for me. Maybe its time to give up "nice" nerdy boys. Dating these types of guys has done nothing but ruin your perspective on men.
Author verhrzn Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 Maybe its time to give up "nice" nerdy boys. Dating these types of guys has done nothing but ruin your perspective on men. Haha too bad they are the only ones who are ever into me.
joystickd Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Haha too bad they are the only ones who are ever into me. You think they are the only ones into you. You actually would be surprised who would actually be into you. A person can be so caught up in beliefs that they miss something sometimes. 1
ThaWholigan Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 You think they are the only ones into you. You actually would be surprised who would actually be into you. A person can be so caught up in beliefs that they miss something sometimes. Agreed, it's been true more often than not in my case.
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