ThaWholigan Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 What a bizarre leap.... so, because she wants you to be happy by having sex with other people (something you desire), she doesn't love you?? What?? It would be her insecurities allowing her to tolerate that, she wouldn't really be happy with it, unless she was having sex with other people herself. Or for some bizarre reason, she really actually doesn't mind or even likes the idea of me having sex with other girls, and getting in on the action even. Now if I really loved a girl like that, then it would be different, a dynamic that I would consider. But it's unlikely I would be in a relationship with such a girl, they aren't common. Is it love that's allowing her to make that concession? And HOW do you know that it's something that the man desires? It might be an unconscious urge, but he's not obligated to fulfill that urge, especially if it's counterproductive. You know, a man is supposed to have some self-control and be able to deal with temptation.
Negative Nancy Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Well, this board, or places like "Savage Love." He is constantly getting letters from men who say they love their wives, but are at the point of divorce because she just doesn't "excite" him anymore... she doesn't want sex as often, she's gotten fat, she's not as attractive in older age, etc. yes, but I am the one who has completely wrong ideas about men and am just "bitter" seems my opinions are not coming out of nowhere and in fact are valid
Author verhrzn Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 And HOW do you know that it's something that the man desires? It might be an unconscious urge, but he's not obligated to fulfill that urge, especially if it's counterproductive. You know, a man is supposed to have some self-control and be able to deal with temptation. Yeah, that's why divorce by infidelity is so high, and I've been cheated on/dumped in every past relationship save one. But God forbid I try to correct that. Much better to put on the rose-colored glasses and convince myself that denying men's natural behavior for thousands of years is much healthier. 1
Negative Nancy Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 does not mean they never had a desire for sex outside the relationship. Maybe they were just too morally shamed to cheat, or figured they'd lose the relationship if they did. Or maybe they just didn't get the opportunity. A man is only as faithful as his options. It does not mean they didn't WANT to.Exactly.
EasyHeart Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 What a bizarre leap.... so, because she wants you to be happy by having sex with other people (something you desire), she doesn't love you?? What??I don't think I'm the one making bizarre leaps in logic. 2
SmileFace Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 So do it. Let you boyfriend know - you are more than convinced this will work. Why argue with people to agree with you if you are so right? I don't get this place at all most times. 3
ThaWholigan Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Yeah, that's why divorce by infidelity is so high, and I've been cheated on/dumped in every past relationship save one. But God forbid I try to correct that. Much better to put on the rose-colored glasses and convince myself that denying men's natural behavior for thousands of years is much healthier. Please If you want to let your BF have sex with other women, be our guest - our only concern is if YOU are happy with that arrangement. Or at the very least, you should at least allow yourself to have sex with other men if you want that kind of arrangement. And honestly, maybe it's your experiences, but you aren't giving men enough credit here - we aren't just mindless sex slaves who will f*ck anything that moves. It offends me that people still think that .
suladas Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Yeah, that's why divorce by infidelity is so high, and I've been cheated on/dumped in every past relationship save one. But God forbid I try to correct that. Much better to put on the rose-colored glasses and convince myself that denying men's natural behavior for thousands of years is much healthier. I'm sorry to hear that, but you are trying to correct it the wrong way, the guys who are cheating are the problem, not you. Personally I also believe cheating has a lot more to do with then sex, i've had a girl who wanted to cheat on her boyfriend with me, and guess what she ONLY wanted to do it to hurt him, it wasn't about the sex. But there are good guys let out there (I really think i'm one) that would NEVER EVER cheat on a women under any circumstances. My ex's marriage ended because her husband cheated many times, and I seen how much damage it caused her. But guess what? He was begging her to get back together and still sleeping around with plenty of women. But at the same time, even if he was allowed to sleep around it wouldn't of saved the marriage, because cheating comes with a lot more then sex that kills the relationship.
threebyfate Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Rather than argue with you verhrzn, I'm going to suggest you go for it since you're determined to view it one way. Now of course, what will happen if you do, will be many more future threads about jealousy and insecurity where I'll read some and not others. 3
Author verhrzn Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 And honestly, maybe it's your experiences, but you aren't giving men enough credit here - we aren't just mindless sex slaves who will f*ck anything that moves. It offends me that people still think that . I don't. I said a few posts back that I believe guys will choose monogamy, when they have a top-shelf, she's-amazing, my-soul-mate kinda woman. Like the whole package, you look at her every day and go "Wow," etc. If you are NOT that woman, however, and are never GONNA be that woman to a man... 1
Negative Nancy Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 The only time I see a guy choose monogamy is when he has a top-of-the-line, never-going-to-do-better soul mate girl, the kind he would never ever risk pissing off. How comforting...the only reason being not to piss her off, instead of "not having any desire or urge to bang others". That's why I said true monogamy is only something women are capable of. Because it is a fact that most men would still like to have their cake and eat it too. If it was normal and accepted to have many wives, or if it was socially accepted for men to bang others on the side, you can bet 99% would do it without second thoughts. My point is, monogamy is not INNATE for men. "Forced monogamy" at best....but that does not count as real monogamy in my book.
denise_xo Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I think you should just go for it. Try it out and see if it works for you. Do you have any reasons for not trying an open relationship?
xxoo Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Um... I DO live in an apartment. But I want what most people want... a home, a partner, a family, etc. This is a fantasy. Life is not like a story book. I know women with no husbands, 40k jobs, own a condo or small house, with and without kids. I know married couples who live in apts, with and without kids. I would not settle for anything less than love and a true desire for monogamy in my partner. Anything less would be unsettling for me--I would know no peace. YMMV
Negative Nancy Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Every man knows/sees women he wants to have sex with. I could easily name 20 women off the top of my head that I'd like to have sex with right now Exactly what I mean :sick:
ThaWholigan Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I think you should just go for it. Try it out and see if it works for you. Do you have any reasons for not trying an open relationship? It is probably the only way she will know if she's happy with it. 1
Negative Nancy Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I mean its quite possible she has horrible luck and keeps running into the most uncooth unfiltered dirtbags but my guess is some of these guys she just wears down and continues to ask if they are attracted to her and if they think of leaving her and having sex with hotter women and they eventually break you mean they're finally admitting what's REALLY been going through their heads all along anyway
suladas Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 How comforting...the only reason being not to piss her off, instead of "not having any desire or urge to bang others". That's why I said true monogamy is only something women are capable of. Because it is a fact that most men would still like to have their cake and eat it too. If it was normal and accepted to have many wives, or if it was socially accepted for men to bang others on the side, you can bet 99% would do it without second thoughts. My point is, monogamy is not INNATE for men. "Forced monogamy" at best....but that does not count as real monogamy in my book. I'm sorry but I call BS. Yes men have a tougher time turning down sex because a decent looking women can get sex anytime she wants so it's easier for her to turn down, but it doesn't mean men are incapable of being faithful. Me and my ex have been broken up for 2 months and guess what? I STILL don't want to have sex with someone else because there is a chance we will get back together, so I don't want to risk it by being with someone else. Yes i'm single and perfectly allowed to without any guilt, but choose not to, and yes i've had opportunities to. 1
ThaWholigan Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 How comforting...the only reason being not to piss her off, instead of "not having any desire or urge to bang others". That's why I said true monogamy is only something women are capable of. Because it is a fact that most men would still like to have their cake and eat it too. If it was normal and accepted to have many wives, or if it was socially accepted for men to bang others on the side, you can bet 99% would do it without second thoughts. My point is, monogamy is not INNATE for men. "Forced monogamy" at best....but that does not count as real monogamy in my book. This is all a load of bollocks by the way. 1
KungFuJoe Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 NegativeNancy, I would appreciate it if you would stop saying all men are incapable of monogamy. I'm more than capable and seeing as how I am of the male sex I automatically disqualify your "all men" blanket statement. Thank you for your attention and please carry on. 2
ThaWholigan Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 NegativeNancy, I would appreciate it if you would stop saying all men are incapable of monogamy. I'm more than capable and seeing as how I am of the male sex I automatically disqualify your "all men" blanket statement. Thank you for your attention and please carry on. Seconded ....
suladas Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Seconded .... Thirded... Is that a word? Oh well.
xxoo Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 My point is, monogamy is not INNATE for men. "Forced monogamy" at best....but that does not count as real monogamy in my book. I don't believe it is innate for women, either, but I can easily choose it. I think there is a difference between genuinely choosing monogamy (I want to be monogamous with you....I want to foster and enjoy that level of intimacy) and never desiring sex with another person. I can feel desire for another person, and still choose monogamy--because, imo, an open relationship would reduce the intimacy I enjoy in my monogamous relationship. If A is monogamy, and B is polyamory, I can see how both A and B are appealing, but mutually exclusive. Given the choice, I choose A with the right person. 3
denise_xo Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I don't believe it is innate for women, either, but I can easily choose it. I think there is a difference between genuinely choosing monogamy (I want to be monogamous with you....I want to foster and enjoy that level of intimacy) and never desiring sex with another person. I can feel desire for another person, and still choose monogamy--because, imo, an open relationship would reduce the intimacy I enjoy in my monogamous relationship. If A is monogamy, and B is polyamory, I can see how both A and B are appealing, but mutually exclusive. Given the choice, I choose A with the right person. Very good post. I think the 'man sleeping with every woman he wants if he could' is a bit like a six year old saying 'If I could, the only thing I would eat for the rest of my life is ice cream'. Most people understand that life is essentially made up of situations where, if they want the benefit of X they will have to abstain from Y. 1
Negative Nancy Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Me and my ex have been broken up for 2 months and guess what? I STILL don't want to have sex with someone else because there is a chance we will get back together, so I don't want to risk it by being with someone else. Yes i'm single and perfectly allowed to without any guilt, but choose not to, and yes i've had opportunities to. what that means is that you WANTED to have sex with others, but didn't go through because you didnt want to risk rekindling the relationship with your ex so how exactly were you arguing against what I said? in fact, you only confirmed further what i had said before
AlexCross Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 For all these horrid sex craven, non monogomoud men you depict in your scewed life perception Nancy, just remember, there is ALWAYS a woman to correspond to the situation who is willing and obliging. Take your agenda elsewhere. 1
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