joystickd Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 That's.... nice, but no man has ever BEEN that into me. So, again, my choices are to settle, or be alone. I am just being realistic about what I can expect when it comes to relationships. Since I want a relationship, I need to adjust my requirements a little. Just because my city is full of single people doesn't mean they want to date me. There needs to be more than just "Hey you're single, I'm single!" I've already explained that online AND off, guys don't find me attractive. When the opposite sex doesn't find you attractive, the entire WORLD could be single and it would do you no good. Where do you meet these men?
Leigh 87 Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Did you read my posts? About how I also told my boyfriend to have an open relationship with me..... And he could not be with other girls, because like most men, once his feelings are tied with me, they do not want to go elsewhere! I wrote you an awful lot, which I think fell on deaf ears, and was rather enjoyed by the people who " liked" my posts haha ( thanks guys! ) ..And HEY! - Jane ALSO thought in theory, that an open relationship made sense; she tried it out, and has realised first hand how a monogomus relationship is far mopre fulfilling. It just is. I still think open relationship0s make more sense to me yet I so enjoy being monogomus and it screams out to me that any alternative would feel wrong. TWO people, both Jane and I, have told you that we both wanted to try open relationships out, and failed at it. Carrie T on this website has also tried a it or at least been closely involved with watching other people try and fail at them; she repeatedly warned me about the perils of them, based on her extensive experience with sex/men/relationships..... I really thought open relationships were the only style that I related to and would suit ME; I was not into the idea of monogomy, I thought it was boring, unnatural, and I was REALLY that averse to it! 1
ScreamingTrees Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Did you read my posts? About how I also told my boyfriend to have an open relationship with me..... And he could not be with other girls, because like most men, once his feelings are tied with me, they do not want to go elsewhere! I wrote you an awful lot, which I think fell on deaf ears, and was rather enjoyed by the people who " liked" my posts haha ( thanks guys! ) I guess I'm guilty of responding over and over to this thread in the hopes that maybe something I say will change her mind, even though I hypocritically stated in my post that anyone who posts in this thread would be wasting their time. I guess we both wasted our breath.
Leigh 87 Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 And regarding friendships.... You know, I am weird too, I find it hard to meet people. Like you stated about yourself in another thread, people like me a lot at first too, only to get exhausted or disinterested in being around me. In the course I am studying, everyone liked me at first, thought I was great, interesting, and funny; only to pair off with people they really " got". People they have literally become best mates with. Where as I am just a nice, funny girl who sits with people at lunch, but who no one is actually "friends" with. I have been in my new town for over two years, and have yet to make any good friends; I just have one, who I am also friends with her partner. I have ONE good friend in the course I am studying. Two good friends in two years, not including my partner. I am going to start a blog or something; I HATE not being able to talk things out with people. Have you started a blog? God, if you havn't already, you would be GREAT at that! A lot of people would love your writing style. So I know what it is like to struggle to make and keep truly good friends who truly " get" me and who want to spend a lot of time with me. I am not despairing like you! WHY despair!!!!! We are both really unique, there ARE people out there who would love to be around us, more than a few hours a week. ....But man, you know, even the best of friends do not want to necessarily be around the same person on a daily basis?! That is normally what a relationship is for...... A lot of people really just hang out with their partner, and have a couple of lunch and/or dinner dates with their friends. It is not like everyone wants to be around their " friends" incessantly.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 I have known an attractive woman who let her handsome husband cheat on her for 30 yrs. She was very happy to take care for her 3 kids. She had no affairs herself. She has an interesting job. Her husband had many very passionate affairs with many beautiful women. When children were about 20 y.o, she finally divorced the man. He is now looking for a woman to replace his ex and who lets him cheat on her. Are you thinking about trying to set v up with this fellow? 1
oaks Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 I am literally taking whatever comes my way, which is what I am TOLD to do by these forums. It's not like you have to take our advice. Oh. wait...
oaks Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Given my history and my experiences, obviously having a monogamous relationship is unrealistic for me. Says the woman in a monogamous relationship.
oaks Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 I dunno. I guess I just have a more cynical view of human nature, but I always believe it's better to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. You don't follow your belief very closely. What is this "best" for which you "hope", and then rather than wishing a unicorn to deliver it, what are you doing to strive for it? If preparing for the worst means shutting off the possibility of the best then your belief system is flawed. 1
Cb3657 Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 So I will not argue you should not have a open relationship, this is your choice However I will say when you are dating it can feel like you are in a blood sport and can be hard t see out of the trenches. I spend many years dating as did my wife, was cheated on by people and even went through times when I thought I would never find someone. My wife is not a supermodel, soulmate, she is top shelf to me but I am realistic enough to look at her and say there are better looking women in the world ( I think she could say the same about me). We married when she was 33 and I was 28 no fairy tale but we love each other and have stayed faithfull for 18 yrs, now I know some on here will say " how do you know this" and I don't. What I always say is I only control myself and how I act and react, if I am ok with my own behaviour then I am ok. You run into a lot of pop psychology on this board (rugsweeping, grass is greener etc..) but ultimately it has to be what you want and can live with, I could not be in a open relationship and I think you will find someone who finds your particular quirks endearing then it's just all the hard but rewarding work of any marriage. I follow your logic but it just kinda sounds like your giving up, I would continue to work towards what I wanted but again if you are ok then ok
bac Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Are you thinking about trying to set v up with this fellow? He might be the second in the line. When she gets old with her current open R, she might upgrade her BF for a better guy with a 30-yr experience in open Rs. He must be great at that because practice makes perfect.
MercuryMorrison1 Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 (edited) My advice to you verhrzn is simple. Just do it...Just have an open relationship with your boyfriend. Because its very clear that after over 20 page's of people giving you plausable advice you are going to do what you want to do regardless. Who know's, maybe an open relationship will be just the ticket for you and your boyfriend to have a happy relationship together...And it may very well mark the beginning of the end for the two of you. I can't help but think that you are only seeking attention at this point though. Page after page after page people keep telling you the same thing but you simply refuse to hear and acknowledge it. Every respose you've given on this thread has been a defense as if you are being attacked. But just as refreasher for you let me state... #1 - You're contrived veiw on men is not accurate at all. Not all men are sex fiends...Like many others I'm a young guy who prefers a monogomus relationship. Hell I've been cheated on by multiple women in my life but you don't see me blaming ALL women for it. #2 - If I were your boyfriend and you suggjested having an open relationship I would be offended. Why you ask? Because your suggjesting an open relationship would say to me that you yourself are not intrested in monogamy and do not value what we have together. #3 - Get used to being single. Its obvious you have no self respect which I beleive is why you don't want to be single again. As its already been stated, being single is just a part of life...No you aren't always going to be single, but there will be times in your life when you will be single without having a choice in the matter. In essence, I agree 100% with TheWholigan. You need to learn to love yourself before you can ever truely be happy in ANY relationship. Good Luck. Edited September 14, 2012 by MercuryMorrison1
Els Posted September 16, 2012 Posted September 16, 2012 Pragmatically, I think it's a horrible idea. You're intending to give up your career to move to be with someone whom you're not even going to be monogamous with. That's horrible for most people - doubly horrible for someone with your self-esteem. If your bf takes up your offer and sleeps with other girls, it's just going to reaffirm your belief that you're not good enough for a guy. On the other hand, I don't think anything anyone can say here will convince you otherwise, and you're just going to agonize over this until it causes the demise of your R, which will also reaffirm your belief that you're not good enough to sustain a relationship. I'm really not sure which is worse, so, uh, go for it?
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