steveblack Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 So it happened and I feel like ****. She definitely took more seriously than I did. She wants a relationship.. Yep. Not ready for that. 3 months very limited contact.
geegirl Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 So it happened and I feel like ****. She definitely took more seriously than I did. She wants a relationship.. Yep. Not ready for that. 3 months very limited contact. I thought you were going to be there to lend her support while she goes through the pain of caring for her terminally ill sister, not sleep with her? You said there would be so much rebuilding to do if you guys reconciled so why sleep with her before working through all that? You said you have feelings but now she wants an R, you're not ready. If you are not ready, don't sleep with someone, because they might be of a different mindset. Sounds like a vengeful ploy to me or maybe I'm not understanding this.
Author steveblack Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 Let me clarify it was not her. Someone else.
Balzac Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 So what's your feeling like shyte all about? Next is the operative word.
Author steveblack Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 I'm trying to figure out if I need more time for myself, this stuff with my ex in my head (the sick sister), or I am not over her. Really I think I am 1000x better now, but being actually over someone is tough.. When I am with this other woman, I do not think about my ex, but I do compare. Which I know is not fair to her.
Author steveblack Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 So what's your feeling like shyte all about? Next is the operative word. Easy, sex with my ex was making love and very passionate. After years of that, this was just not fulfilling at all. I got to stop comparing. I know this happens, I have broken up before, but still.
Balzac Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 You seem to have answered your own question many times. Not over her.
Author steveblack Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 I mean how do you not compare. People don't get over the ex for a bit of time. I am over her as a relationship.... trust me, but is it common just to directly compare?? Oh just to say, when I do compare, my ex doesn't always win.... and is 3 months too short of time??
Balzac Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Of course it's common to compare. It can also be said that sex gets better over time! But you didn't exactly comment on that. Your comment related to feeling an intimate love connection. Fake it 'til you make it?
Coyoteloco Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 well is it worth it or no? how bad u feel after it? it helped to forget the ex or its the same as before?
Balzac Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Sounds like we're talking about masturbation. HaHa.
Author steveblack Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 Don't really feel bad, just different to say the least. I maybe just jumped the gun with it a little to fast. Well I learn and move on.
Hindsight_is_20_20 Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 You just weren't ready. I'm in the same boat. It felt foreign and detached - no emotional value whatsoever when I did it too. I just decided not to have meaningless sex anymore. It sucks but I get nothing from sleeping around. It's probably different for guys though, I dunno... I'm just not completely over my ex yet I guess. I can't feel an extreme attraction for anyone else yet and it's been 4 months. Thought I'd be well on my way to being over it but.. nope.
sweetheart5381 Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Interesting thread. About 3 months after my ex and I broke up I decided that it was time to find a partner. The sex was ok... not great but I never really thought about it in terms of a comparison with the ex. That lasted for about 2 months and ended a few months ago, neither of us really seem to care. We just disappeared from each others lives. I have been since seeing another man with no serious commitment but there are caring feelings involved. He is my ex's friend and the first few times I couldn't help but notice how much more easily we communicate sexually. It's much more natural with him. I suppose there is some comparison there, (as in, I was shocked that he didn't need Viagra to get off 4 times in a couple hrs and I actually blurted that out by accident too ). Either way, I think that comparison won't really happen if you really appreciate the new person you are intimate with.
Mike_d Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 I just decided not to have meaningless sex anymore. It sucks but I get nothing from sleeping around. It's probably different for guys though, I dunno... unfort no, that's not the case for all of us guys. Sucks when it's not with the one you *really* want
barese1 Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 You just need to give yourself some more time. I learned years ago from an old ex that having sex too early just makes you feel bad and dirty ina way. I'm still not a 100% over the recent ex but when I have sex with a new girl that I'm seeing I don't feel bad, guilty or compare at all. At the same time I don't feel overly excited or anything else, it is what it is. I think we need to do this at a time where we're on the edge of just about being fully over them but no way before. If I found myself feeling bad or comparing I would have to stop it with this girl. As I don't, I think its fine to keep banging away!
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