Misspope Posted July 22, 2004 Posted July 22, 2004 Hello, for you to understand what you are about to read I guess I must give you a few little life details. I have been married for almost seven years, Sept. will be seven years. I have been out of work for two weeks (start new job on Monday) so I have been home all the time. I have really no self cofidence, I have a drinking problem and I hate my relationship. I am SO upset my world has fallen apart. my hubby, is a generally good guy (self spoken @##hole) but a good guy. He has had issues which are in the following text. He is also an alcoholic (we drink on average at leats 8 beers a peice a night) and at this point I am trying to put my foot down. I have as many issues as he does, mine are self issues his are different. He gambles and he has cheated. Well he is an advide boater/fisherman and we discussed sleeping on the boat is not an option. Well twice in less than a week he has slept on the boat, last ngiht he shows up at midnight, by 12:30 he was off to the boat bag packed. I love him to death want to be with him forever but I feel like he just slapped me if the face. something he said he would not do, something he said was unaccepteble(he has a freind that sleeps on his baot all the time) he did. I cried oh how I cried, he called at 1am and I just started yelling. He has been avoidng confrontaion with by sayong "we have been drinking lets not argue" so I completely go off. So he in turn does tha same. we will just say it ended up being "fine go some where." my reply was who would want you , you dont work you dont do anything and you aint got no money. he hung up on me. He still isnt home. I want to call I want him home. I feel in my heart it is over, done. We dont talk, we dont have sex (and i am sex freak) and now he is always gone. He is a stay at home dad so I keep telling myself that he has to get his fun in, due to me starting work, but I cant be walked on. He doesnt let me go out, theres always an excuse. Well what I am asking, is it time to give up. I dont want to but I feel I have to. I love him so much. I was up at seven am this morning, crying. The garbage man must of thought I was nuts. I know the neighbors heard what few words I could say as he was walking away last night (since he didnt talk to me) but he called me and said I am on my way home my buddy wants to fish some more, so I asked are you going to stay on the boat? We will talk about it I will be there in a miniute. Then he gets here and eats and his friend says oh he is going i told him I wouldnt bring him by the house unless he was going. That made me feel like I was unimportant even to the friend. (mutual friend) I am going to wrap this up because I could ramble forever. I do have freinds which I have called and vented to but I want him. I want him here now. I want my husband back. But through all the ache, I feel it is the END.. UGH I need help
eskimokiss Posted July 22, 2004 Posted July 22, 2004 Firstly, you said that you have children and that you are drinking too much. These two things do not go together well. If your husband is a stay at home dad and he is drinking, your children will be forever plagued by this self abuse that you and your husband display... bad idea. (grown child of alcoholics taking) I think that the boat isn't your issue. You said that you have no confidence and that is where your issue is. You don't want to be alone! It isn't that you are angry that he is on the boat, it is that he is enjoying himself and he is doing things and you are not. I am not sure why you say that he wont let you out (you are a grown woman right?) I think that you need to find something that you like to do and do it. I suggest eating well and exercising (it is amazing how much stress it relieves). If you like to read, join or start a book club. Things like that. Self investment. You will find yourself with more confidence and not be so worried that you aren't with your hubby all the time. As far as the sex is concerned. If you don't have self confidence, you are hiding your sexiness and probably turning him off by your invisible boundaries. That being said, you are beautiful to him still I am sure, it is just that having sex with someone who is crying is like rape.... and you are crying, on the inside. Good luck to you, hugs and kisses and good wishes from me to your family!
misspope Posted July 22, 2004 Posted July 22, 2004 Thank you, and you said nothing I did not know, just things that I need to hear. My friends always say just leave him, he doesnt care and I dont feel that from him. He has called three times and can tell i dont want to talk but I thanked him for checking in and told him we need to have a talk and when he asked about what, I said me. I am hoping me starting the new job and not feeling stuck will help me get back on track, and I am finding help with the alcohol, I am hoping it wont be hard (this has only been a regular thing for me for two months) and has gotten worse because I have been home for 2 weeks. Thank you once again.
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