settling?

[jetwife]

I dont know what to say to him anymore- I am married to a pilot. His job is demanding- but he had a great schedule when we got together

 

His previous job had a better schedule and time home, since 2010, his worked for a company that keeps him gone nearly 25-27 days out of the month--

 

I know it is part of his job, but I tend to feel so lonely, and left out of what I thought was having an us life-- making memories, etc. I used to just sit here and be very depressed about it all and his concerns would turn to telling me how bad I was for making him feel he needed to quit his job, and that he wouldn't it paid the bills etc. he can tend to be very emotionally hard, personal attacks-

 

Many nights that he is out of town, and to this day, he will not answer his phone to me, saying its my fault he cant, bc i am upset, or i havent shown him the enough love respect or support so that he could return it-- yes this has continued to this day.

 

These past few months, he has been gone a lot so I decided to take a job, become a scout leader for my son, and a band mom to my daughters high school band-- It helps so that I am busy-

He can still be gone for days at a time and cut me off- I have told him how it makes me feel---

 

-but now he has time here for a week and I decided to tell him I was worried that we didnt have a life together , like time, doing things, etc - plus the last few trips he is so hard to reach-( let me explain, he flys a private jet and when he goes places, they are great and he ends up staying- just chilling)

 

Anyways, I said this to him, my worries due to same old tension between us, ignoring me on the road lately, but I just brought up that my concerns were hopefully mutual that we just arent connecting a lot and what did he think -

 

His response was this, "well make the best of what you have"- I said well i do and i keep busy but its not making me happy doing that, because I want more of us, and you-- together stuff- or connecting with calls-

 

He just told me why do I need to do this to him tonight, he is tired and he said he has feelings, and worries Im like ?? I feel a this point I may be settling for never having the marriage i thought id have-- his job was always demanding but this is just so crazy now- I wish I knew what to say -

[Ninja'sHusband]

UGh, I'm so sorry. I think it was in the "Love Busters" book by Harley that he thanked the airline industry for giving him a living helping people that that industry had messed up.

 

There are a few people from the industry on these forums I think, hopefully they pipe in.

 

Being together regularly is definitely something you need for a relationship to thrive. Distance kills relationships. I think you need to wake your husband up to how serious this is. It's very critical.

[Tethys]

Sorry to hear about how you're feeling. I'm not really the best to talk about healthy relationships and have some distance with my wife due to having different works schedules, but we make an effort to keep in touch when we are both home. We also spend a good amount of time together on the weekend. I think with men, you have to take them for what they do, not what they say. Best of luck to you!

[JamieSpruson]

Hi all..., I am newbie to this forum and glad to be a part of this... I don't have much knowledge but would like to gain and share whatever I have.