My demons are eating me

[Am313]

I'm doing an overnight shift at work, which is essentially doing nothing at all except wait until 6 am.

 

My ex girlfriend, who told me we belong together, that we we're soul mates, the one who was amazed at our chemistry and connection, the one who said she would always have my back, has left me.

 

But not just left me......left me for someone else.

 

She lied to me, used me, and destroyed me. We broke up at the end of July, but within a week she was calling and begging me back. I gave in after a few weeks and she said that I can trust her, that we're strong enough to get through.*

 

Within a few days she started blowing hot and cold, one foot in and one foot out. This lasted for 3 weeks, until we had a large fight over labor day weekend in which she admitted that she loved me so much, was in love with me, that we can get back on the right track again but we need more time. She used her stresses and life problems as a reason for needing to sort herself out.*

 

She we need to talk about things and sort this out. We made plans. The day came and she emailed me that she needed to end things now, that if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. That we need to distance ourselves. She said she's running away from me and she's shutting me out.

 

Then that night, she showed up to the bar I was at with another man. The next weekend she show up to our regular bar with this same man.

 

Now they are together.*

 

The woman I love, the woman I've been through hell and back for, the only woman who I've ever actually truly felt unconditional love for put a knife in my back. Lying to me, using me, stringing me along until she knew the other person was hers.*

 

I was the one who put a smile on her face, the one who was the subject of a thousand long, endearing texts, emails, and letters.*

 

We held each other tenderly, kisses passionately, and made love wildly. We laid in each other arms all night and slept. We've done a thousand and one things together, many of them firsts.*

 

But she lied to my face. She Cheated my heart. She tore open my soul.*

 

You can say this is more reason to move on, more reason to feel better.

 

I've been given all the advice in the world, but tonight, my demons will consume me.*

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

How are you doing now? I've been having a hard day today too. The week my ex broke up with me he was throwing in my face how he starting talking to 4 of his ex girlfriends again just to spite me, one of them is Playboy's May 2012. She's been chasing him for years and he would talk about how she was hot but he couldn't date her for more than a few weeks because she just wasn't that bright. All good and great any everything until she was telling him she missed him on Facebook before we were even broken up.

 

Anyways, sorry I didn't mean to jack your thread. I've been mulling over things today too. I'm not sure what brought it on. Some of the last things he said/did just put a knife through me. It's hard when you love someone SO MUCH and they act like they reciprocate those feelings throughout the relationship only to hold onto you until they latch onto something else. Then totally disrespect you.

 

It just all feels like one great lie. What was the point? I don't get it.

[Am313]

Demons are still eating away. I went and got some BBQ sauce for them.

 

The problem is that she ruined everything. She destroyed my trust, our relationship. She threw away what we built together.

 

I'm pretty much devastated.

[kae]

the faster you pull yourself together the more she`ll regret and second guess herself. i dont mean find another relationship but play it cool..dont be intimidated and face it. she didnt love you and she wont now you can start to look for your true love.. a goddess of imperfections who has mercy and class and would never NEVER leave a relationship in that fashion.

real womem know that a men may not be her king but he is someone elses and that still has merit because it shows you respect love.

 

another thing.. dont let someone dictate the relationship... remember you are also a decision maker!!

 

get well.. time heals all wounds. PROMISE!

[Mike_d]

* - is there meaning behind these??

[Am313]

No, for some reason my phone puts them in......

[ponette]

what she did to you is not about you. you didn't deserve that, and you can't control it. sometimes we can be selfish with our pain-and it serves only to hurt us. why take over for her? she's hurt you and now you hurt yourself.

 

i'm sorry you're hurting.