neveragain2493 Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I've known the guy I'm talking to for about 4 years now. We've always had something, but we've never really dated. At the moment, he's deployed in Kuwait and doesn't come back until December. We started talking around August. We usually talk and joke around for hours, and last week, he told me he really liked me a whole lot, and we were probably going to date when he came back home. In the middle of this conversation, he told me everything I needed to know about him that I could possibly find out later that might make me change my mind about him (I don't want kids, I don't believe in God, etc). He pretty much put it all out on the table because he said he never did that in relationships, and that's why they always failed. I asked him if he was just going to talk to me until then so he could sleep with me, and he said, "Well, then I've invested much more in a booty call than I have in even a girlfriend before." Today, he was in a bad mood because he was tired and really just wants to come home. When I mentioned the whole girlfriend thing, he told me he doesn't like labels on things. Should I be worried? I feel like things are just weird right now because he's overseas, and if he wasn't serious about me, he wouldn't have said everything he did above.
sweetheart5381 Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I've known the guy I'm talking to for about 4 years now. We've always had something, but we've never really dated. At the moment, he's deployed in Kuwait and doesn't come back until December. We started talking around August. We usually talk and joke around for hours, and last week, he told me he really liked me a whole lot, and we were probably going to date when he came back home. In the middle of this conversation, he told me everything I needed to know about him that I could possibly find out later that might make me change my mind about him (I don't want kids, I don't believe in God, etc). He pretty much put it all out on the table because he said he never did that in relationships, and that's why they always failed. I asked him if he was just going to talk to me until then so he could sleep with me, and he said, "Well, then I've invested much more in a booty call than I have in even a girlfriend before." Today, he was in a bad mood because he was tired and really just wants to come home. When I mentioned the whole girlfriend thing, he told me he doesn't like labels on things. Should I be worried? I feel like things are just weird right now because he's overseas, and if he wasn't serious about me, he wouldn't have said everything he did above. My advice would be to take him for his word. He clearly likes you but has other stuff on his plate right now. If he isn't ready for a gf believe him and don't try to change him, cuz he wont. If you really want a bf then he isn't the guy... in my opinion he is just being open and honest with you. He doesn't want to make promises he can't keep right now. He has a good heart to tell you that openly. He doesn't want you to wait, he sincerely cares about you. As a woman, I feel much the same, I hate labels, etc, just want to enjoy today for what it is. No promises, no commitments... just live and let live. He is being honest... appreciate who he is for that, even if he isnt "bf material". 1
NoMagicBullet Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 You two have known each other a long time, but have never officially dated, and you can't date until he returns home. You're jumping the gun on the girlfriend talk. I think the reason he mentioned the booty call vs girlfirend thing is because he's interested in dating you, not only sleeping with you. Things are in a weird place because he's so far way. Things will be different for him once he comes home, and things may look different to him once he starts readjusting to normal life at home. I noticed that it was "probably date". He just can't make any long-term decisions about things because of where he is right now. You'll need a lot of patience and to cut him a good deal of slack. My advice is to be patient and continue to be there for him. Don't bring up future stuff unless he does first. Wait to see what things are like when he comes home and you two get a chance to really date.
Author neveragain2493 Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 So he's been working 12+ hour shifts every day, and he's been in a horrible mood. Today, he said that he didn't think we should be trying to start something while he's overseas because his mood swings are terrible right now, and he'd end up taking it out on me. I told him I understood he was feeling bad and that I didn't think we were going to start anything until he came home. He said he was interested in me and still wanted to talk but just really needed to get out of his funk, and that I shouldn't have to put up with his mood swings. He said, "I just want you to know I'm in no condition to be trying to start a relationship, but I still want to talk." What now? :\
DuckSoup Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Take what he said at face value. For now he wants to maintain your friendship but a relationship is impossible as he is overseas for a while. He is leaving things open upon his return in the future. He is also telling you to stop putting so much pressure on him and spoiling everything. What don't you "get" about the fact that until he comes back so you can physically be together, it's ridiculous to view it as anything more than it is--a long distance platonic frienship?
Author neveragain2493 Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 I kept telling him that I didn't expect him to start a relationship with me right now seeing as I recently got out of a two and a half year relationship myself. I said I was fine enjoying this as it is right now.
Author neveragain2493 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 All right, so things have been going well. We've talked off and on, and Monday, we talked all day and then later got naughty over Skype. After, he said, "I can't wait to get home, there's so much I want to do to you." I said, "As long as I'm not your booty call." He said, "You won't be. I'm pursuing you because I have feelings for you, not just sexual urges." He went to bed and said he'd talk to me the next day, then said, "Goodnight, dear." Haven't heard from him since then, and today, I looked at his Facebook and saw a girl who tagged him in a status saying, "Thanks for a great conversation, ____. You made my staying up way too late not suck so bad. Thanks, my friend." He commented and seemed to be flirting.. I looked at the girl's page, and she has a boyfriend and posted something about falling in love with him the other day. I was very confused. After I saw that, I sent him a message saying, "I hate when you disappear. :(" He said, "Not disappear, just having to deal with everyone at work and being so pissed off and trying not to take it out on you." I said, "All right, if you're mad, I won't bother you," and he said, "Well, on top of that, I'm going to bed and have to be right back at it." I just replied with, "All right. I honestly just saw what that girl said and just figured maybe you weren't interested in talking to me anymore." He hasn't replied, so I'm assuming he's either irritable or asleep. I honestly am never clingy, so this is the first time I've ever mentioned anything like this. I'm not sure what to make of it, honestly. Maybe she really is a girl with a boyfriend who just likes attention, or maybe I'm just getting screwed.
sweetheart5381 Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 All right, so things have been going well. We've talked off and on, and Monday, we talked all day and then later got naughty over Skype. After, he said, "I can't wait to get home, there's so much I want to do to you." I said, "As long as I'm not your booty call." He said, "You won't be. I'm pursuing you because I have feelings for you, not just sexual urges." He went to bed and said he'd talk to me the next day, then said, "Goodnight, dear." Haven't heard from him since then, and today, I looked at his Facebook and saw a girl who tagged him in a status saying, "Thanks for a great conversation, ____. You made my staying up way too late not suck so bad. Thanks, my friend." He commented and seemed to be flirting.. I looked at the girl's page, and she has a boyfriend and posted something about falling in love with him the other day. I was very confused. After I saw that, I sent him a message saying, "I hate when you disappear. :(" He said, "Not disappear, just having to deal with everyone at work and being so pissed off and trying not to take it out on you." I said, "All right, if you're mad, I won't bother you," and he said, "Well, on top of that, I'm going to bed and have to be right back at it." I just replied with, "All right. I honestly just saw what that girl said and just figured maybe you weren't interested in talking to me anymore." He hasn't replied, so I'm assuming he's either irritable or asleep. I honestly am never clingy, so this is the first time I've ever mentioned anything like this. I'm not sure what to make of it, honestly. Maybe she really is a girl with a boyfriend who just likes attention, or maybe I'm just getting screwed. ****ty position to be in OP. I understand where you are coming from BUT... here it comes Understand he seriously has **** on his plate. I work for a military company (a few of my co-workers have gone to Kuwait and it ain't easy, that's for sure). He is away from family and friends, just trying to make the best of a less than blissful situation. So, some chick is facebooking him. Doesn't mean ****. You have no idea how hard it is to go to Kuwait. No drinking, no partying, no sex.... incredibly tough environment for a young gentleman. Cut him some slack and get off facebook... for your own sake. 1
sweetheart5381 Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 I also have to say, our people are stationed in Kuwait usually from 6 months to a year and quite often they are heavily compensated financially for their efforts at finding peace and safety for less-than-fortunate citizens. Maybe he does it for the money (compensation for missing loved ones), maybe he does it for his country, but no way he does it to get girls or mess around on you. Just sayin. 1
Author neveragain2493 Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 You're right. I'm probably over thinking things. This girl talks about nothing but her boyfriend. Honestly, I've never been in a situation like this one before, and I've been cheated on in the past, so I'm just not sure what to make of it all. I know we're not together, but I really like the guy. I know he read what I sent him, and he hasn't responded. So as much as it bothers me, I have to leave it alone. He has over two months left over there, so who knows what will happen.
Recommended Posts