Flgirl44 Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I wanted to write to express some thoughts and hear others as well. I haven't logged on since Dec 2011 and my last thread was almost exactly a year ago. As to my own story, I was cheated on two years ago, a few days before my college graduation. We had been together almost 5 years at that point. He was not sorry, described in excruciatingly cruel detail the experience - with new details emerging every month, which I allowed for a year before waving the white flag. Fast forward to today we have not seen each other for close to nine months. I get a call almost every month. I dont answer as its not respectful to the man im currently seeing but it puts me in SUCH a foul mood. I have learned not to indulge this kind of thinking but ::: Why? Why would you care to contact someone you treated so poorly? I feel like if I'm at the point that I want nothing to do with him shouldn't he be the same? I mean, he had enough resentment/anger to cheat, it should be easy to move forward and leave me alone you'd think. So my questions are: 1) Why still contact? Ego? Guilt? 2) Does anyone else have experience with this? Did you get angry? Feel pity for them? Actually answer the phone/find out what their intentions were? Adding opinions and thoughts not related to the questions are welcomed too. Thanks for taking the time to read:) Also for those times you wonder about how much progress you've made, check old postings for perspective. If nothing else it's interesting to see where your head was at a year ago.
light_vader Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Hi! but it puts me in SUCH a foul mood. You're likely not over your ex completely then, as it should not matter or just at most put a smile on your face, and that's it. Maybe setting off the mood for you means you still have some anger, resentment on your heart. I think (and still doing it, a year and a half later, cheated too, 2.5 years of relationship) I hold a lot of anger, I can't see her and then not feel like I wanna stab her or something (hehe), but it's gonna be tougher since we work together and she's always with the "new guy". I think not until I finally forgive her in my heart and take all of those negative feelings, that I'll be able to move on. 1) Why still contact? Ego? Guilt? It could be anything. Remorse. Booty call. Feelings of loneliness. Thinking about the past. Thinking "Oh no, how could I had done that to her". Or he just wants to hear your voice saying you still love him so he can laugh for a while. In the end, who cares, really? I know you feel the itch to just answer and see what it's about, but what is the point? He's a nobody in your life now, so I'd just say you've done well so far not answering once and you should. Because, and since I think you are still on a healing process, you could face some trouble up ahead on your recovery just by answering and then hearing his voice and remembering the bad stuff and maybe you'll feel like accusing him of things and trying to make in say "Sorry" and you know the drift of all of that. And you really just wanna focus on your life now, that's what matters.
Author Flgirl44 Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 I would have to agree, at this point I am over him but not how I was treated. I think part of what put me in a foul mood is the realization of 'hey I allowed myself to be in a 5 year relationship with someone who treated me so badly I don't want to speak to them again." I'm friends with exs of 2 yrs and 3yrs so I have no issues being cordial. Part of me feel justified but the other part feels like I'm not being an adult/handling my emotions correctly if I'm so effected I can't interact with this person at all.
geegirl Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 I would have to agree, at this point I am over him but not how I was treated. I think part of what put me in a foul mood is the realization of 'hey I allowed myself to be in a 5 year relationship with someone who treated me so badly I don't want to speak to them again." I'm friends with exs of 2 yrs and 3yrs so I have no issues being cordial. Part of me feel justified but the other part feels like I'm not being an adult/handling my emotions correctly if I'm so effected I can't interact with this person at all. I don't think it's about you not being an adult in handling your emotions but more so you not being ready to handle those unresolved emotions with your ex. My ex cheated on me too and after all was said and done, he clearly is mentally and emotionally damaged and we talked about it. He was remorseful for what he did but it didn't take the pain away. Two years later, I can be cordial with him without feeling anger or resentment. I never reach out to him. He does, and most times to just say hello. He doesn't play any role in my life nor does he rent any space in my head or heart. If you ex does in any way, you would be better off ignoring. Concentrate on your boyfriend and move forward. If he treated you badly, he really doesn't require this much thought or consideration from you. In time when you have fully detached, you will naturally and instinctively know how to handle him contacting you without investing this much angst. Let it go.
travelbug1996 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 My ex (who broke up with me) texted after 9 months saying that he had a dream about me. I said to myself "keep dreaming cause you will never **** over me again". hmmmpf
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