How do I break with with a great guy?

[collegemuse]

Just to clarify-I am not going back to an ex ??? I think my thread just got taken over by someone else. I definitely do not go back to exes. And that includes this one. Even if he did turn his life around, I think our time has expired. It just hurts me that I hurt him.

 

It's all over but the crying... He lost her a long time ago.

 

Also, why does he need his GF to tell him this to begin with?

 

 

 

Yup

 

 

 

Doubtful.

 

 

 

Possible but if she did... It won't be for a very long time.

 

 

 

Really?

 

A lot of people on here want their Ex back, even years later. Not to mention, the OP is dumping him to go back to an Ex from 4 years ago.

 

You do read the stories here right? I see a lot of stories where the dumpee was dumped for their Ex to go back to a prior Ex.

 

You don't think it's possible that he would want her back if she ever changed her mind? A chance she is taking yes, but I bet he would want her back for quite a long time.

[juli017]

Me and M knew each other from college. I'm now a senior and he graduated last year. We started hooking up last october - almost a year ago. He was just coming out of a 3 year relationship (he broke up with her because he wasn't in love anymore) and I had been broken up with a few months before also. I had been over my ex by then, but I was in NO rush to have another boyfriend. So we had a friends with benefits relationship.

 

The sex was great and we actually became best friends. He was nice, funny and loved just staying in and eating and watching movies with me. And there wasn't commitment!

 

His ex was a psycho, though, and wouldn't leave him alone. It made me jealous...I hated her and I became resentful towards him for it. Every time they hung out (we all lived on the same floor of the dorms-talk about awkward-and he wanted to have a decent relationship with her so he was nice about it) I would flip out. I am very, very proud.

 

Eventually he started feeling weird things for me too, (was obvious when we went out and he flipped out when a guy dance with me) so we decided to become mutually exclusive. In April, he told me he loved me and it was the most unexpected but amazing night - we had the best sex I've ever had and I obviously said I loved him back. So I guess that made us boyfriend-girlfriend.

 

He is probably the best boyfriend I've had. He's the kind of guy who brings you soup when you're sick, massages you after a long day, puts up with your bizarre beauty routine involving putting eggs on your hair for protein (and even suggesting other natural bizarre recipes for soft hair) , etc. It was really fun. I met his family and they liked me. I don't bring people to my family, though. I expect a real commitment for that step.

 

Thats where I went wrong I guess. I never really looked at it as a real commitment. He's incredibly smart - going to med school - kind, funny, etc. But I just never looked at him that way.

 

In June I left to study abroad. We spoke every day in the beginning, and he CAME ACROSS THE ATLANTIC TO VISIT ME FOR 10 DAYS. When he was there, I kind of...was uneasy. That's a huge step. I was so grateful that he came but it was...weird?? But wow, what a great thing for a boyfriend to do.

 

While with me in Germany, he was incredibly annoying and embarrassing. First of all, he gained a LOT of weight. He didn't do **** all summer but eat and watch tv and I find that gross - I lost the respect I had for him. He was always the laziest person I knew, but he was going to med school, so I knew he was naturally smart. But damn, now that I see the 30 pounds on him, his laziness is no longer okay by me. He has been steadily gaining weight and even though he complains about it, he doesn't do anything to change it. Its so gross. I can't emphasize it enough. His stomach is covered in stretch marks and his 1 thigh is bigger than two of mine combined. He even walks in a really awkward way. Its really bad.

 

But besides that, every time he opened his mouth, he embarrassed me.We met a lot of educated, well spoken people in Germany. In an attempt to impress them, and me I guess, he started talking out of his ass ALL the time. Even when he clearly had nothing interesting to say, he would open his mouth and make it even more obvious that he had no idea what he was talking about (politics, religion, social issues - thats not his thing. give him a math problem and he'll solve it, but he is NOT well spoken or informed on any of these things.) I literally would blush when he opened his mouth. And then one night we all went on a beergarden tour and he got more wasted than anyone else and started arguing and yelling at the other peoplpe. I was mortified. To this day, I can't think about it without feeling uncomfortable. It was a miserable experience.

 

After he left, we were only talking twice a week. It was great for me. I needed space. I thought when I returned to the states, I would feel normal again. Honestly, I can't stand hanging out with him. He is such a sweet, loyal, honest caring guy and it makes me feel so guilty, but we just don't match.

 

To make things worse, he got me a charm bracelet with custom made charms to remember all the important part of our relationship. I feel like the worst girlfriend in the world. I just can't be with him.

 

Even around my friends, who are in no way pretentious and snobby and don't talk about political and social issues at a bar, he acts so embarrassing! They are all girls talking about silly things, and he manages to be an obnoxious weirdo and saying something creepy or stupid.

 

He's taking a year off before med school so he's living at home doing absolutely nothing. I tell him to get a job, but he hasn't really done anything yet-claiming that the application process is really time consuming. I, in the meantime, am a full time student with an internship, working on my honors thesis and applying to grad school for the fall because i don't want to take a gap year. So his constant texting and need to hang out is driving me crazy.

 

How do I break up with him - I am SURE I want this to be over, as soon as possible, without hurting him?

 

I'm going to give my honest opinion here so don't take this the wrong way.

 

This guy really likes you. He's crazy about you no doubt!

 

In this day and age, it's really hard to find someone who appreciates you. I get the feeling that this is something you might end up regretting later on if you let this guy go.

 

You care too much about what others think. Walks in an awkward way? So?

 

People have their flaws are you saying you don't have your own quirks/flaws too?

 

His personality sounds really sweet why do you choose to ignore that and focus on the things that don't really matter?

[immitable]

Just my 2 cents

 

The OP collegemuse here strikes me as very selfish.

See, we all look at the present moment and how she should break up with him yaddi yadda. The thing is how he got to be the way he is?

Why are you stringing someone along for 4 years if they are not right for you.

What I am thinking is that for him not being loved and not cared for caused him to get fat, insecure, unattractive etc. This unrequited love caused him to turn in such a negative person that I am sure he even doesn't recognize himself anymore.

 

It is okay collegemuse to breakup with him but remember it doesn't stop at that, YOUR life goes on without him, one day when you get dumped in a worst kind of way it is going to make you think about what it is that you have done wrong. Couldnt this person have told you what they are missing long time ago so that you could correct it.

Edited September 24, 2012 by immitable

[flitzanu]

Personally, I don't see the use of breaking up with him?

 

If he was amazing before and now changed, that means he can always still be that old person he was... he just lost himself in life.

 

I think the best thing woulda been to take a break. tell him what was wrong and then see if he works on himself and take a month off.

 

I wish some people would give others a chance, because not everyone is perfect, some people DO fall down a hole in life and take time to get out. Or sometimes they need someone to give them a reality check.

 

Not sure what else to say, but I feel bad for this relationship, because it could've been much better. And who knows, maybe in a month or two you will notice he's changed and become better. Maybe to a point where he is the guy you always wanted.

 

break = breakup.

 

you're saying she should dump him temporarily, and that he's fat and lazy and the whole reason for this "break" and if he gets his act together she'll take him back.

 

lolwhat?