happy_lady Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 My man's baby mama is so dramatic. She doesnt want to hear about me and she doesnt want me around her baby. Ontop of that, she doesnt allow my man to pick up my calls when she is around. When he once did, he got thrown out of the house while he was visiting the baby. She told him she was pregnant four months after they had seperated and a month into our relationship. Her baby is now a month old. After she told him she was pregnant, she wanted him back, but he told her that he had moved on. According to him their relationship was toxic and he believes that being seperate with her is best for him and for the baby. After he told her that he had moved on, she stopped talking to him and refused him to go for doctor's appointments withher and told him that he will never see his baby. She recently just came around after he pleaded with her family to talk to her. He is a good father though, he spends up to 4 hours with his baby daily and he also provides for them. Problem is, he is so afraid of his baby mamma, he wount talk to me when she is around or even answer his phone. Once I called him when I was in an emergency and he ignored the call because of her, while I was stranded in the middle of the night. Anyway, I just dont get what her problem is. I mean, they are broken up, he is a good father to his baby, why cant she just let him move on? Any advice for me on this??
TigerCub Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Ok first off I'll say that I'm a pretty cynical person - but: Is it possible that your man made up the part about not taking your calls when he's at her place because maybe your calls interrupt somethings ? By that I mean - maybe he doesn't want you calling when he's at her place doing something shady behind your back. Just a question from a cynical person. Now onto the baby stuff - if he's the father and he's providing why hasn't it occurred to him to get a lawyer and ensure that he has at least part time custody and that he has visitation rights and so on. She can't threaten him and tell him she'll take his kid away, he should get the law involved if that's what she's doing. Edit: He should get a paternity test done and if it is his kid - file whatever papers he needs to file.
whichwayisup Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Hate to tell you this..They are still a couple and he's lying to you. If he was over her and they were really separated, this wouldn't be happening. Sorry to say this, but I think he's lying to you..Exaggerating truths to suit him best. Notice how you've only heard HIS side of things! And ALL of it about her is awful and it's all her fault, not his. He's pumping himself to be a great dad, wow, he spends four hours with his baby..She has the baby the rest of the time..Unless he's there at night with her. I say just ask him what is really going on and that if he is planning on going back to her, you have a right to know and you don't want to be his side dish. Also, don't take this the wrong way, but she has every right not to want you near their baby. Reverse the situation, I'm sure you'd feel the same way if that baby was yours and you had some other woman near by your baby.. 2
The Way I Am Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 (edited) He should get a paternity test if he hasn't. I agree with TigerCub and whichwayisup that there's a chance he's not being totally honest with you about their situation. But for the sake of argument, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and approach this from the perspective that everything he's said has been true. She can't legally keep his child away from him. He can seek full or joint custody or at least visitation rights. Instead, he chooses not to stand up to her and lets her dictate the terms of your relationship. It may seem like he's folding to her to put his baby's needs first. He's not. He can see his child and see to the baby's needs by taking legal action. He hasn't done that either because he doesn't want to, it's inconvenient, or he just has no clue about custody laws . He's putting himself and/or his baby mamma first without regard for your relationship. Edited September 12, 2012 by The Way I Am
mercy Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I was in an emergency and he ignored the call because of her, while I was stranded in the middle of the night. What was he doing visiting his month old baby in the middle of the night? When something doesn't make sense it's a lie. He's lying to you. Just think about it.
The Way I Am Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Just noticed the title of the thread is "I'd like to understand my man's baby mamma". I think the natural response after reading it is to address your man's behavior, but that's not what you were asking for. Women, including baby mammas, don't generally make demands and act possessive of a men unless they feel some sort of "ownership" of him. If she's making outrageous demands, most likely he's let her feel entitled to do so. At best, he's led her on and hasn't been 100% clear with her that things are over and he's moved on. At worst, he's still sleeping with her. Neither is respectful of your relationship on his part.
venusianx13 Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 As for your relationship with this man, I agree with the other posters; none of this makes sense. However, from a mother's perspective, I believe she does not want another woman encroaching on her motherly duties. She needs time to bond with her baby and this experience should not be intruded upon by a new woman in the picture. I went through this. My first experience with motherhood was deluded by the fact that when my son was still an infant and his father and I separated, he quickly found a new partner. I felt that my relationship with my baby was being intruded upon by this other woman, but during his time with his dad, there was really nothing I could do. It was a helpless, painful feeling. For now, I'd examine your relationship closely. And at the very least, respect this woman's need to fulfull her motherly duties and bonding time with her baby.
IcedEarth Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 This is why dating someone who is single with kids is a bad idea. No offense to single parents with kids, but I see the overly attached ex always causing a problem in these situations. You automatically come with that baggage.
Author happy_lady Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 Dating him has been really hard. We are not from the States and in my country, the law will seldom force a man to pay child support, and custody hearings sometimes go on and on and on before being concluded and therefore most people never involve the law in such situations. He and his baby mamma dont live together anymore, he moved out after they broke up. According to what I see and how he acts, I truly do believe that they are over, but its like she is mad at me and thinks I'm stealing her man, but he came to me, I didnt force him. Her actions dont make any sense to me.
wow04 Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Does it matter how long the hearings will go on? So he is going to let this woman control him the rest of his life? 1
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