Common interests?

[Titanwolf]

A necessity or an additional bonus?. My lady and I only share a few common interests (psychology, the occult and a few others). and often find ourselves talking about those interests when conversing. However, there are so many other interests that separates us (I like anime, MMOs and extreme sports and she likes reading, Harry Potter and really old films) and I wonder if this will/might cause a problem somewhere down the line. I'm an advocate of independence and freedom, but could it get to the point where we have nothing to discuss? could this lead to boredom in the future?.

 

Basically, have you ever had/have you ever been in a relationship where you had separate interests, but still remained interested in each other?. Feedback would be much appreciated.

[Titanwolf]

I find that people are a lot deeper than they're interest mate

 

Similarities are in fact cool but it is the differences that pull you guys together; me and my current girl have absolutely nothing in common on a physical level. Although emotionally and spiritually we share some values.

 

Its awesome to meet and date people with other interest, it allows me and chance to get to learn new things and perhaps acquire new interest. Take some time out and see what she is into and show her what you're into you know?

 

You have a point there, with the acquiring new interests. We gained a few together and that allows me to feel bonded to her, because it's something we discovered together. That's a great idea. Perhaps weekly indulgences, where we participate in our partner's interests for a weekend or so and then alternate the following week. *scratches chin* brilliant idea, I will incorporate that into my relationship. Thank you for your input.

[january2011]

In the past, I've found that divergent interests tend to converge as the relationship progresses. That is, I ended up taking on some of his interests and he ended up taking on some of mine. And sometimes we did a swapsies, where I lost interest, but he maintained his.

 

With my current SO, there's a lot of overlap, but there's also a lot of difference. And I get the impression that we are quite set in our ways. I still count it as a fairly young relationship though, so who knows what will happen in the future?

 

If there was nothing in common at all, then I'd be concerned. But then I probably wouldn't be with them in the first place because there wouldn't be much common ground for conversation.

 

Having similar interests make the other person easier to talk to and spend time with - you're both interested in the subject matter. And it's easier to have quality time together rather than always going off to do your own thing and coming together only for sex and meal-times.

Edited September 11, 2012 by january2011

[Titanwolf]

In the past, I've found that divergent interests tend to converge as the relationship progresses. That is, I ended up taking on some of his interests and he ended up taking on some of mine. And sometimes we did a swapsies, where I lost interest, but he maintained his.

 

Yeah, that's what I was hoping would happen. This is coming from someone with relatively little experience, so hearing that is relieving.

 

With my current SO, there's a lot of overlap, but there's also a lot of difference. And I get the impression that we are quite set in our ways. I still count it as a fairly young relationship though, so who knows what will happen in the future?

Lol yeah, we're quite a stubborn pair too. We like what we like but, I believe that with time, people can ease up and allow themselves to become more open-minded regarding their partners interests. Ours is fairly young also.

 

If there was nothing in common at all, then I'd be concerned. But then I probably wouldn't be with them in the first place because there wouldn't be much common ground for conversation.

 

Having similar interests make the other person easier to talk to and spend time with - you're both interested in the subject matter. And it's easier to have quality time together rather than always going off to do your own thing and coming together only for sex and meal-times.

We have enough to keep us together and I can think of about 3 interests we share, but we find ourselves falling back on these interests, when conversation begins to get stale. I feel that, if we could just merge all that we like together, we could have endless amounts of stimulating conversation, something that we both highly value.

 

 

Yeah I agree. At the moment, it is slightly like that. That being, you do your thing, I'll do mine and then we'll come home at the end of the day and make small talk lol. Hmm, thank you for your input though.

[Ami1uwant]

You need to see how open she is to your interests....does she want to do it...is she fine with you doing it...same with you on hers.

 

The bigger issue in your situation is regular day to day conversations. How often does your interes conversations come up?

 

Another issue is how well do you two mesh with your routines....

 

For example you said she seems to only like to watch old movies while you like to watch xxx...what happens when you are married and there is only one TV?

[Titanwolf]

You need to see how open she is to your interests....does she want to do it...is she fine with you doing it...same with you on hers.

Well we've tried but she openly said that (insert interest here) is something that she doesn't feel she could ever get into to and when she mentioned (insert interest here) I felt as though it wasn't something I could get into either. I'm hoping that with time, that will change though.

 

The bigger issue in your situation is regular day to day conversations. How often does your interest conversations come up?

 

Hmm, I often have to restrain myself and think before I speak, because I know she doesn't like me, or rather, doesn't understand why I talk about (insert interest here) when she herself has no interest in it. I try to stick to what we both like. If she mentions something about books though, I can relate somewhat, because I've read a few in my time growing up. Other than that, personal interests aren't really mentioned when we're in the same vicinity and that causes a few silent moments.

 

Another issue is how well do you two mesh with your routines....

I tend to do my own thing, she wishes me luck and vice-versa lol.

 

For example you said she seems to only like to watch old movies while you like to watch xxx...what happens when you are married and there is only one TV?

 

o.O I have no plans to get married sir and I've never contemplated living with someone else. However, if that were the case, she would be free to have the T.V, because I prefer the freedom of the internet anyway. I'm not too fussed, I just don't want to get bored and eventually end up straining my mind, trying to find something to talk to her about.

[jobaba]

I think it's important and am starting to think it's more important than I used to.

 

Although character and inner traits (generosity, lack of shallowness, humbleness) are more important, I would like someone who shares my tastes somewhat.

 

So ... someone who can play an instrument or at least knows how to sing would be awesome. Harmonies would be kick arse. But ... do you know how hard that is to find?

 

Someone who likes my taste in movies would be a little easier.

 

Someone who likes to drink a little is good too, and if not, I can convert 'em. Done it before.

[KungFuJoe]

They are important. If you don't like the same things, you don't end up doing things together...or they end up being compromises like, "Ok tonight we do what I want and tomorrow we do what you want".

 

BUT, there is also something to be said about trying out something new.

 

It's really a tricky blend of having same interests but being different enough to keep things from getting boring.

[Titanwolf]

I think it's important and am starting to think it's more important than I used to.

 

Although character and inner traits (generosity, lack of shallowness, humbleness) are more important, I would like someone who shares my tastes somewhat.

 

So ... someone who can play an instrument or at least knows how to sing would be awesome. Harmonies would be kick arse. But ... do you know how hard that is to find?

 

Someone who likes my taste in movies would be a little easier.

 

Someone who likes to drink a little is good too, and if not, I can convert 'em. Done it before.

 

Lol I agree. We *click* in terms of morality and character traits at least. Just have to find a way to merge our interests :/

[Titanwolf]

They are important. If you don't like the same things, you don't end up doing things together...or they end up being compromises like, "Ok tonight we do what I want and tomorrow we do what you want".

 

BUT, there is also something to be said about trying out something new.

 

It's really a tricky blend of having same interests but being different enough to keep things from getting boring.

 

I see where you're coming from. Like I said, atm we just do our own thing and are satisfied with that at the present, but I don't want to become a victim of "growing apart". Isn't that how people find others? they find people who share their passion?. I would hate for that to happen.

 

I know, very tricky. I'm trying to think of a solution. Weekends dedicated to our interests will be my 1st course of action

[Jane2011]

I think common interests and activities is pretty important. Yet, it does not have to be a lost cause if you only have a few things in common at first, as you can easily cultivate new activities together, things you both have wanted to do but haven't done because you for some reason needed another person to motivate you.

 

I think it's best when you start off with two or three common interests/activities and then cultivate maybe three or four more.

[Jane2011]

Also, you should always have things to discuss if you do things together or read some of the same basic things.

 

Watch the news together, watch movies together. Go to the zoo together. Go to the symphony and talk about how the music affected you or what parts you liked or didn't. Go grocery shopping together and talk about the food on the shelves!

[Emilia]

I think what matters is that your interests don't clash. The best is if they compliment each other.

 

An outdoors enthusiast who gets up at 6am for a long hike would struggle with a couch potato who wants to watch telly all day.

 

Someone who loves the club scene will probably have very different values from a person who wants to play games all day or just stay in. They probably have very different personalities.

 

If you are both curious you will learn a lot from each other and perhaps will pick up each other's interests.

[KungFuJoe]

I see where you're coming from. Like I said, atm we just do our own thing and are satisfied with that at the present, but I don't want to become a victim of "growing apart". Isn't that how people find others? they find people who share their passion?. I would hate for that to happen.

 

I know, very tricky. I'm trying to think of a solution. Weekends dedicated to our interests will be my 1st course of action

 

I think what's important is that you both enjoy the "fun stuff".

 

For instance...I'm not an outdoorsy person at all. No fishing, no hiking, no camping. If there isn't a hotel with room service, I'm not vacationing there. If I was dating a girl that wanted to do that kinda stuff...it would be a problem.

 

But, I also like basketball, computers, video games, used to like poker...and my wife does NONE of that...and it's not a problem at all.

 

Actually, now that I think about it...I guess what's important is that you just enjoy each other's company.

[Titanwolf]

Also, you should always have things to discuss if you do things together or read some of the same basic things.

 

Watch the news together, watch movies together. Go to the zoo together. Go to the symphony and talk about how the music affected you or what parts you liked or didn't. Go grocery shopping together and talk about the food on the shelves!

 

Those are good suggestions. We're planning a trip to the London zoo this weekend now . There seems to be more things we've yet to experience together. In the bigger picture, our differences seem so minor, considering how much we HAVEN'T explored yet.

[Titanwolf]

I think what matters is that your interests don't clash. The best is if they compliment each other.

 

An outdoors enthusiast who gets up at 6am for a long hike would struggle with a couch potato who wants to watch telly all day.

 

Someone who loves the club scene will probably have very different values from a person who wants to play games all day or just stay in. They probably have very different personalities.

 

If you are both curious you will learn a lot from each other and perhaps will pick up each other's interests.

 

I'm giving it time, trying to develop new interests together. I am an outdoors enthusiast and she is a stay at home person tbh, but it hasn't caused any clashing so far. There's a lot of freedom, but I wonder at times, is it too much?. I'm trying though.

[Titanwolf]

I think what's important is that you both enjoy the "fun stuff".

 

For instance...I'm not an outdoorsy person at all. No fishing, no hiking, no camping. If there isn't a hotel with room service, I'm not vacationing there. If I was dating a girl that wanted to do that kinda stuff...it would be a problem.

 

But, I also like basketball, computers, video games, used to like poker...and my wife does NONE of that...and it's not a problem at all.

 

Actually, now that I think about it...I guess what's important is that you just enjoy each other's company.

 

We do enjoy each others company a lot. There's a lot of mental sparring and competition in our relationship, but it's a healthy one. I'm glad to hear you married a woman with differences, I guess I could easily say that someone can be too similar and the differences make it interesting. There's always fun being had though

[Art_Critic]

I'm giving it time, trying to develop new interests together. I am an outdoors enthusiast and she is a stay at home person tbh, but it hasn't caused any clashing so far. There's a lot of freedom, but I wonder at times, is it too much?. I'm trying though.

 

My wife an I have very different interests and at times she mentions that she wishes we had more things in common.. translate that to mean she wishes I liked more of the things she likes to do...

 

I think at times she can find herself lonely in her hobbies and interests and simply wishes I liked hers more so she didn't feel lonely at times.

 

Since we have a child together most of our daily interests are common but on the weekends.. I like the mountain cabin more than she does, but only because I like to get rid of my workday stress by going to the cabin.. Her stress is relieved by being alone and me taking the child..

 

It hasn't caused many problems in our relationship and I don't think it will either.. I have come somewhat her way recently.. going to parks on the weekends and walking thru the woods looking for birds

 

I also think many couples should form some of their own interests together as they couple up through time, and I think couples do that without even thinking about it..

 

Remember that part of each of your identities is who and what you find interesting and have for hobbies and if either of you give up too much of yourself to change to be like the other then that type of change isn't good for growing.. sometimes love and compromise rules though...

[threebyfate]

Think venn diagram! This works well for H and I.

[Art_Critic]

Think venn diagram! This works well for H and I.

 

Simpler way to put it than I did..

[threebyfate]

Simpler way to put it than I did..

Simple person here, with simple needs and expressions.

[Titanwolf]

My wife an I have very different interests and at times she mentions that she wishes we had more things in common.. translate that to mean she wishes I liked more of the things she likes to do...

 

I think at times she can find herself lonely in her hobbies and interests and simply wishes I liked hers more so she didn't feel lonely at times.

 

Since we have a child together most of our daily interests are common but on the weekends.. I like the mountain cabin more than she does, but only because I like to get rid of my workday stress by going to the cabin.. Her stress is relieved by being alone and me taking the child..

 

It hasn't caused many problems in our relationship and I don't think it will either.. I have come somewhat her way recently.. going to parks on the weekends and walking thru the woods looking for birds

 

I also think many couples should form some of their own interests together as they couple up through time, and I think couples do that without even thinking about it..

 

Remember that part of each of your identities is who and what you find interesting and have for hobbies and if either of you give up too much of yourself to change to be like the other then that type of change isn't good for growing.. sometimes love and compromise rules though...

 

Thank you for sharing your experience. I especially agree with the last paragraph. We wouldn't be ourselves, if we forsake what we find passion in. It's about compromise.

[Titanwolf]

Think venn diagram! This works well for H and I.

I admit, I had to google that

[GG3]

I think it's more important for both people to have the personality to be open to each other's interests and find interests together than to already have them. And they do not necessarily have to have ALL of the same interests.

 

I was with someone for five years and at the beginning of the relationship we had the exact same interests. It was great and we seemed like a perfect fit. But at the end of that five years we both had changed our interests (which I think happens for a lot of people over time) and he refused to compromise. He was the type of person that expected everything to be about him and his interests. I eventually became unhappy never doing anything I liked and it was one of the reasons it didn't work out.