My ex-bf wants me back after he had met up with his ex-gf! Should I take him back?

[penelope2727]

My ex-boyfriend wants me back a few days after he had met up with his ex-girlfriend. My ex-bf initially told me he wanted space for himself two weeks ago. He said that he just needed time to think about his life and to realize what he wanted in life. At that time, he said he just wants to assess what he wanted for his professional career. I gave him some time to think things through. And I opted to have no contact with him, thinking that he just needs time off for himself. What actually made me suspicious when he did say he wanted time off was that I knew that his ex-gf will be coming to town to visit from australia.

 

The worst part about this is that my bf had been with this woman for five years and they had already been engaged to be married in australia. My ex- bf was just fixin his migration papers to aussie so they can finally get married there. They broke up because they had an open relationship policy, his ex-gf had already been seeing other guys in aussie , and my ex-bf and I have been dating already here in california.

 

Anyway, a week after i gave him space to "think things through", my suspicions were right! His ex-gf was in town and they have been in a couple of "dates" with friends. He told me at first that he didnt know she was coming to town, and that he was actually surprised when he met with friends and she was there. But he did confess that he really knew she was coming back and that he was really confused on "what he wanted". My assumption of "what he wanted" was based on what he wanted professionally, but now he confirmed that "what he wanted" could mean who between me or his ex-gf did he really want.

 

This just turned all my suspicions into reality. I was really really hurt, we were together for a year and a half! HOw could he just make that period in time seem like just "in the meantime". It felt to me that all the time i was with him was just momentarily while he was waiting for his ex-gf to return. The sad part about that was his ex-gf was the one who finally broke up with him before, and it seemed he was the one clinging to her.

 

In our relationship, the topic of his ex had always been a sensitive topic. Deep inside me I knew that he has not completely moved on... but when we are together and that topic is never discussed... I knew that he loved me very much, and we were really really happy. There would just be those moments when I would see on his email that he was keeping tabs with her... but the emails were relatively friendly emails. He kept telling me at that he was emailing her just to keep tabs. And actually, I havnt seen any romantic mesages sent.

 

Anyway, when I found out that he had actually met up with her, and It simply confirmed my suspicions... I opted to move on with my life. I thought to myself that I can and I will simply move on. I was actually surprised that I felt relieved knowing that he had second thoughts on our relationship. At least all the suspicions I had were not just imaginary.

 

When we talked on the coffee shop for closure just 4 days ago... he told me that he actually thought that he has still feelings with his ex. But he told me that when he saw her... he didnt feel any spark... he didnt feel anything. It was just like seeing an old friend of five years. He said he thought that he would feel a strong connection when he will see her... but he didnt. when we got to the car to talk... HE said that he has been such a "stupid fool "to let go of me and what we had. He was crying and was so apologetic for putting our relationship through such turmoil. He was so sorry for breaking my trust. He was so sorry for causing me pain... He was really crying and just wants me to come back to him...

 

At that time, I was just sitting beside him.. I wasnt crying... I was just hurt, and I felt numb. I didnt know how to respond. He said that there was absolutely no physical contact with his ex. NOt even holding hands or something. He said that for a week they did meet but it was just talks over coffee or with friends. I believed him with that.

 

ANyway, I am contemplating whether to give this relationship a chance. He promised me that he will make up for everything that he has done. He told me that if I would like we can start all over. He will start courting me again... he will start winning me back.

 

I told him that for now, Im not sure what I really want, but I have not closed any doors. I told him that there is still a possibility of us gettin back together, but it will need time. So right now I ask the question, if you were in my situation, what will you do... and will you give him a chance and take him back?

[jw32802]

Wow I give you so much credit for not contacting him and giving him his space. That is probably what made him realize you are better. I always used to tell my boyfriend, if you ever have feelings for someone else, Id rather you tell me and i would tell you to play it out because I am secure enough to know I am better than any other girl (lol, a little arrogant lol). But i did. BUT in the meantime i said i wouldnt wait around and I would date too. I firmly believe that you cannot change how someone feels, and what were you supposed to do? tell him NO dont break up with me. Then he would have been WONDERING about this girl. and now look. he played it out and theres no feelings. He probably wont think about her anymore. maybe he needed to do this to be reassured that you are the one. I have a girl friend who did that. she was in love with some guy for YEARS but never had a chance w/ him. She ended up getting a new boyfriend and was with him for a while and then this other guy wanted to date her. She didnt know what to do but she said "I need to get this over with so i stop thinking about him". She met the guy, went out on a date and then realized "all this time i had a fantasy in my head and when i played it out, I FELT NOTHING, and I ACTUALLY MISSED MY BOYFRIEND while she was with the other guy." She said it made her feelings for her boyfriend really come to the surface and she ran to him and hugged him. she didnt tell him what she did (and i dont think id ever want to know either). You just sometimes have to let someone play out their feelings. IF you were clingy and said "dont do this" then you might have pushed him away. BUT if i were you, i wouldnt run back to him right away. I would put fear into him, the fear of losing you. He now needs to see what life would be like if you wernt around. Its not a punishment, but its a way of confirming his decision. What i would do is, not be too available. Tell him that while he was gone, you decided to date again too. give it a month apart and see what happens.

[Debster]

I personally wouldn't be able to take him back as I would have trouble trusting him and would be pissed at his lies and how he treated me.

[EC]

Let me give you a little personal EC story...

 

I had an ex that I was with for a year and 5 months. Took me forever to get over we broke up because of long distance so there were no hard feelings or anything. It took me a year to get over.

 

Finally I started a relationship with this guy and we were together for a year and everything was perfect. But I still thought about that darn ex.

 

One day the ex calls out of nowhere and wants to meet up. I hesistate but then I agree thinking like your SO that when I saw him I would feel this huge spark and connection. I was wrong. After I saw him again I realized I had moved on and saw him only as a friend and that I had grown apart form him.

 

My bf found out about it and as soon as I saw my bf I realized that it was him I wanted to be with and seeing my ex was only to confirm it.

 

It took a while but my bf took me back.

 

So I believe you should give your SO another chance.

 

The same thing probably happened to him.

[jw32802]

I agree w/ eternally confused!!! BUT i think you should still be a little less available/ hang out w/ friends dont always hang out w/ him when he asks. if he sees you lead your own life, it shows self esteem on your part and that you dont need him and its attractive

[EC]

defintiely attractive. It keeps them on their toes!

[penelope2727]

thanks for the responses wow... i just registered to loveshack last night... sure glad i did. I get a picture of different opinions and suggestions.. well, right now, i'm still pretty much unsure if i still want him or not anymore... i guess all it needs is time...

[penelope2727]

my ex wants to meet up next weekend for lunch... we just totally broke up about two weeks ago... should i meet up with him right away?