Ok ok, how about this?

[geegirl]

Mail the item to him. "Friends" shouldn't even be on the table for discussion. As Chi mentioned, he treated you like a urinal Squid. Give him back the item by mail and step away from him.

 

It is a waste of time to point out his bad behavior because he does not care what you think. If he did he would have never disrespected you in such a degrading way.

 

Please cut yourself away.

[headsashed]

MAIL it to him,ill even pay for it, this man is disgusting,i know we all have bedroom fantasies but like chi said, it should be discussed first. He disrespected your boundries and wazzed in ur mouth, what next? a dump on ur chest? god im disgusting erggh, cos its something like that that he will do if you dont walk away from him now. You are worth so much better. Ill tell you what squidoo, if you mail him that item and walk away from this wierdo then i will find him myself and piss all over him and then ask him how it feels. That sound ok to you?

[veggirl]

squid just have a friend drop his junk off on his porch. don't meet up with him, are you sure you'd be strong enough to just hand the stuff over and walk away without a word? no...and most people wouldn't be, so that's okay...and it's why you should NOT meet up with this sicko

 

ps: what does "dogging" mean (from your other post about how he now jacks off in public and wants to start "dogging")

[Chi townD]

Sweetheart is right. See, if I wasn't married and sweetheart and I were an item, I know we would discuss our fantasies.

 

if I asked her if during our intimate moments if I could urinate on her she would definately say, "HELL NO! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! ARE YOU REALLY THAT SICK IN THE HEAD!! YOU ARE SOOOOO DISGUSTING!!!!!"

 

Then, I would apologize and say that I was a bad boy and probably need a spanking. She would probably pull out the riding crop, hand restraints and ball gag and say that she's going to whip the cultural sterotype out of me (okay, scaring myself a little here.....going to hide under the bed in the fetal position, sucking my thumb) BUT THE POINT IS!!!! I would be getting laid....and..a..lot more than what I bargained for....all because we discussed it first..........................and established a safety word......

 

 

Hee....hee.... I meant no disrespect. I'm in a silly mood and and re-reading sweethearts post reminded me that she definately a strong and independant person and I wonder what she would do in that sort of discussion and it just got silly. Sorry, just wanted to bring some levity.

 

Again, no disrespect intended.

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

Just for the sake of understanding... From a guys perspective, why do some guys feel the need to degrade women like this? I mean, what is the mindset behind wanting to do it?

[Chi townD]

Well, as a guy, I would never even consider doing something so degrading to someone else. Now, I understand that some people have fetishes to doing "that" whether they be a guy or girl. And if they're into that and they happen to find a consenting partner. Okay...whatever floats your boat.

 

But, for her Ex just to "do that" without permission shows a massive level of disrespect. Therefore, he really doesn't care. Just as long as he gets what he wants and doesn't take her feelings into consideration. He doesn't care, just as long as he gets his.

 

Bottomline? This guy is a douche rocket!

[Squidoo]

It would cost me a fortune to send what he wants back, and I will not rope friends or family into it. And although I dumped him I don't think he's ever going to be capable of a relationship. He's dated alot of women but I've been the only one he's made an attempt with and can't fault him while we were together. It's like he almost hates me, but insists on the friendship. For me personally to speak to him face to face and say look the friendship just isn't working its time to call it a day will make me feel a little better. And yes I know he won't care, but for once I will have actually made some kind of stand!

[geegirl]

Making a stand wouldn't be saying to him face to face you can't be friends but silencing him from your life as a message to him that he will never degrade or disrespect you again because you respect yourself too much to ever have any ties with someone like this. Nothing says f uck you like silence. It's the most powerful statement one can make.

 

If its too expensive, leave it at your door or drop it at his when he's not at home.

 

You fail to understand or grasp the magnitude of what he's done because you've lost your sense of self and sacrificed your principles just for the sake of making some statement that means nothing in the grand scheme of things, which is the extent you've let yourself fall to the wayside.

 

This item is an excuse to have interaction. Oldest trick in the book. If you truly want this over, you'd be too disgusted to talk to this pig, you'd rid of this item as fast as you can and start moving on. But no, like an addict, you're in for another fix under the guise of "making you feel better."

 

You'll do what it is you have to do. I hope this helps you move forward and be rid of this sicko.

Edited September 12, 2012 by geegirl

[Squidoo]

Would it be so terrible to tell him to his face geegirl? Silence seems to make no difference to him!

[geegirl]

Would it be so terrible to tell him to his face geegirl? Silence seems to make no difference to him!

 

First of all Squid, you've been making bad decisions for yourself. We're looking from the outside and we're telling you what we see.

 

I gasped, and so did many when we read your post of how he treated you. You however, expressed a casual "how about I call him and ask him not to jerk me around about the friendship." While others can see the magnitude of disrespect and degradation, you on the other hand are pre-occupied by the triviality of a so called friendship and the acceptance of him not being capable of a relationship.

 

You mentioned that it's been you reaching out to him. You posted about wanting to meet for coffee. You then posted about maybe calling. Your motives are to force or try to gauge his feelings. And for what? To seek validation from him. To get him back in some form or fashion. Your motive to now see him face to face, still remains the same. You're lying to yourself about wanting to make a stand. Making a stand is saying ENOUGH and hitting the delete button.

 

His degradation of you didn't make you flinch because you keep going back. Eventhough we've all come on here and tried to make you recognize this is not some Joe that you're dealing with, you still seem to forget how much he's diminished you. You have zero boundaries, therefore, no matter what he does, you're still in some far away land focusing on what's irrelevant.

 

You should be cringing. You should be scrubbing yourself raw. You should be standing up for yourself and saying NEVER AGAIN will you have that power over me. You should feel disgusted that he treated you that way. You should feel sick to your stomach to even want to set eyes on him again. But no, you're so casual and lax and concerned about friendships, noting his incapability of a relationship and wanting to tell him you know he can't be friends. I'm lost.

 

I want to shake you. Wake up! I asked my boyfriend last night, what does it mean when a man does something like that to a woman without her consent? He said, "He's degrading the woman, a power play. If anything, he doesn't respect her. It should be consentual and if it's not, he's just treating her like an object to piss on, no pun intended."

 

What do you not see? Would it be so terrible to see him face to face? You should not want to see him face to face after the humiliation and ugliness he's bestowed upon you.

 

Silence is not about how it makes him feel it's about how it will empower you and help you move on from this.

Edited September 12, 2012 by geegirl

[Squidoo]

I know it's absolutely ridiculous, if I were reading as an outsider I would be thinking what the hell! It is rejection that obviously I have such an issue with and I don't know why. And I know everything you say and others is totally correct, I hate the hold that I'm putting over myself but I guess time will heal.

[geegirl]

I know it's absolutely ridiculous, if I were reading as an outsider I would be thinking what the hell! It is rejection that obviously I have such an issue with and I don't know why. And I know everything you say and others is totally correct, I hate the hold that I'm putting over myself but I guess time will heal.

 

You have issue with the rejection because your self-esteem is in the tank. You need him to value you. Without it, you're empty because you don't see it in yourself. A man can stomp, spit, s*** on you but as long as he's paying you attention, any attention, you'll settle because it's a form of validation.

 

If rejection is the issue, then work on it rather than seeking unhealthy avenues to help you mask it. If you want to get over a drug addiction, you don't make your dealer your best friend. You seek rehab and you attach yourself to those that can help you on your journey.

 

The same as this, if you struggle with rejection, you don't seek someone that is rejecting you for comfort, you step away from it and you start looking inward.

 

Time will heal, that is true, but what you do with that time is of utmost importance. If you don't fix what's broken, you'll continue repeating the same destructive patterns.

Edited September 12, 2012 by geegirl

[Squidoo]

I'll fix myself

[flitzanu]

I know most will say god no don't do it!....... But how about I give him a call and say..... Hey I know you were the one who wanted to be friends, but please don't soft soap things with me. If you're trying ease me out gently of the friend zone just say?

 

Yes? No?

 

i say totally go for it. call him right now, because honestly i think all of the things he had said was just totally a game. it wasn't just about sex for him, it was about love, and i'm believing that he actually wants to marry you, and he was just scared before, and that's why he only had sex with you for 3 years but never dated you.

 

he is probably a committment-phobe, but now he's giving you all of these signs that he's ready, why are you not acting on them?? marry him!!! he's all but begging you to marry him!!

[Squidoo]

Yep thanks flitzanu I can do without the sarcasm! And we did date for the last 8 months of that and quite seriously so.

[flitzanu]

Yep thanks flitzanu I can do without the sarcasm! And we did date for the last 8 months of that and quite seriously so.

 

but it's exactly what you want someone to say to you, and exactly what you want him to say, correct?

[ponette]

we don't need to be nasty here. it doesn't help.

[Squidoo]

No flitzanu it's not correct, I dumped him. It's his behaviour after that has been my issue and hang up

[geegirl]

No flitzanu it's not correct, I dumped him. It's his behaviour after that has been my issue and hang up

 

 

Why did you dump him?

[Squidoo]

It really was one of those heat of the moments remarks I didn't even mean it and took it back immediately but he was pretty hacked off and rightly so. I let him be for a few days and then we met up, I asked him if it was over and he said his head said yes but his heart says different.

[Mike_d]

so you don't listen to people that tell you what you already know that you need to be doing, and instead continue to self-sabotage. you hold out in chaos waiting for someone to validate what you really feel you want. then when someone gives it to you, you fail to see the irony in it and pitch it as 'unhelpful' - if the helpful things that people are feeding you here over and over are not things that you want, and you just want to do what you want to do - then what really is the problem with Fit's message to you?? you are just going to continue to try to sit in the middle with one foot in each camp.

 

you dumped him.

 

he treated you like garbage.

 

move-on.

 

who cares how he feels now? what difference does it make to you how he feels or what his behav is now that you've dumped him???!?

 

even your title to this thread " Ok ok, how about this?" suggests that you are working incredibly hard to find some wiggle room in all of this, some way of achieving being broken up but still dealing with his feelings for him, nurturing him somehow

Edited September 12, 2012 by Mike_d

[Squidoo]

Ok mike_d let's leave it there

[Mike_d]

Ok mike_d let's leave it there

 

what is it that you want to hear then?

[Squidoo]

We all mess up, we all make mistakes, I came hear for help on how best to deal with a situation which in parts has not been pleasant. I've not dealt with it well and made many errors, i'm using other peoples insight from the outside to help me get through a time of self loathing, weight loss, and not wanting to get up in the morning but I have too for the sake of my child. Nobody has a magic answer and I dont expect them too, nobody can make it right but me. This is NOT about getting my ex back, it's about trying to work out what the hell happened to the man that I use to know and why he's turned into what he has.... Is it my fault because I dumped him? Has he always been like it but hid it well for 3 years? Is it because he hates me, although protests to always being there for me? This has lead me to try and work out what the hell is going on, and it is THIS that I'm wanting to hear people's advice on

[flitzanu]

We all mess up, we all make mistakes, I came hear for help on how best to deal with a situation which in parts has not been pleasant. I've not dealt with it well and made many errors, i'm using other peoples insight from the outside to help me get through a time of self loathing, weight loss, and not wanting to get up in the morning but I have too for the sake of my child. Nobody has a magic answer and I dont expect them too, nobody can make it right but me. This is NOT about getting my ex back, it's about trying to work out what the hell happened to the man that I use to know and why he's turned into what he has.... Is it my fault because I dumped him? Has he always been like it but hid it well for 3 years? Is it because he hates me, although protests to always being there for me? This has lead me to try and work out what the hell is going on, and it is THIS that I'm wanting to hear people's advice on

 

oh.

 

then that's an easy question. yes he's been like this for the 3 years you were his FWB, he hasn't changed one bit. he's the exact same person.

 

the difference now is, he cares less about banging you and more about banging someone else, and so he treats you worse. simple as that.

 

did you cause it? no, sorry, you didn't tragically alter someone's entire life to the point of them becoming a different person. that's just not in the cards...no one has that power.

 

what you're seeing of "him" right now, is HIM without regard for YOU.