badanglefish Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 (edited) i hope someone out there reading this right now... this this long pathetic story to the end and say something to me pls. It was long distant. I am a cabin crew flying around. so travel from place to place made no problem. we met a day i broke up with my previous guy i dated. we were on the same flight back to my country, he was on his way to his holiday. we sat together, we talked laughed and got along. after that we saw each other every now and then i flown to his country had a night stop at his place. it made at least once a week. 3rd time we met he cried and told me he couldn't go on like this because he had a feeling and falling for me. I was surprised to hear a guy who i just met and hung out with, not even had sex yet said this to me. he then told me the story that.. he has been in loved with a woman he met 5 years ago. then got to know her 2 and a half year later. but she had a bf. he was being her affair and felt in love with her for those time. she came around when her bf was not around every 11 days approx. before he met me, he had relationship twice because he fed up with waiting. but they all ended when she came around because he couldn't resist her and he could not cheat on his relationship he he sacrificed breaking up every time. He was scared that things going to end the same way so he told me all this story. he said when we met he was lost. he didn't know what he should do, waiting for her hopelessly and scared to go on, it might ended the same way it had. 3rd time after we met, and less than a month i broke up with my previous guy, i kinda laugh to hear this really. We were so happy every time we spent together, why would i care if he's falling or not when i was only enjoying my time when i came to lay over in this country. I wiped his tear and said things going to be fine. then we went on like that until 2 weeks holiday together, 1 week at the island and another week at his house i played a wife role. Made love in the morning, breakfast, prepare lunch, made dinner. sweet night under the candle light. 4 months after the perfect time with no string, only condition i asked from him was that if she came around it would be no time of us like this. and one day after our 4 months kind of relationship, She broke up with her guy and came to him. As we can guess he chose her, last december. thing could have ended like that if 2 months later i hadn't started the contacted. I thought i was only spending my time each time i was there. after long gone away of him i realized i was falling in love. we then started talking 3 times a weeks approx. on skyped, few hours each. until i couldn't handle the fact that i found he still had a lot of feeling for me. i only had 2 choice to ended it again or go on more to find out what it was between us. in April i went on holiday and disappear for couple of days in mountain. it was the NC i didn't mean. i was only wanted to be with myself and sorted out what i wanted. when i came down, found that he was frustrated finding out where i was and accepted that he couldn't handle the feeling of losing me. this stage i accept nothing other than something going to change. We must go to somewhere, other than this it's only No to see him again. In May, he came to see me in Brussels. the first time since we broke up. came with tears and how much has been missing me. talking about what going to happened. plan of breaking up. when he went back, he couldn't do it. His gf wasn't home and she was leaving him. since then it took us few months to come here. end of May Came to Rome to tell me it was the last time under this situation he could not choose. end of june told me he wanted to be with her. I disappear in July with NC and responded nothing to his call or his texted. he tried almost all of those days to see if i was ok. of course i wasn't. how many time i had to handle saying goodbye to one person. 10 days before july ended, i answer to his texted. only because it was said, he broke up with her because of me. he now chose to be with me. now i start talked on it. he couldn't bear the fact that he worried about me and never search for her. found out he loved me and would lose her to have me. End of July came to Milan to show me he he meant it. We waited to have each other back. only thing was the girl asked for time to find the place to move out. in mid August, everything changed. after she moved her stuff out. i didnt know what happened. i knew again when he disappeared 6 days without telling me anything and came back told me that he took her to holiday and he was gonig to go back for her. i flipped. i falling apart. i had nothing to describe how i felt. it was like that last december. i took him again and again to hurt myself because i believe in everything between us. it wouldn't have been worse if last weekend i didn't asked him to come to see me. I asked to come to Amsterdam for 3 nights. i refused to believe that he had cheated. i was lost. i thought we could have fixed something if we saw each other. i was imagine all of those time that i have been away... last december until May, without seeing me but i made him broke up. he once chose to be with me who's far away. there must be at least very strong connection to do this. i refused us to ended this way after all of this try. I begged to come this far to Amsterdam. I was thinking it might work. to be closed might call him back. to be able to speak our mind out in front of each other it might fix something. what actually happened... he cam to say goodbye. we didn't talk about anything other than listened to him how that he wanted to go. how that he loved her and chose to live with her. his decision made before he came. he is leaving and he wanted me to not disturb what he chose. he wanted us to disappear from each other life, don't wait... he wont look for me. but this what ended.. i cried and asked him to stay. i cried asked him to at least spend 3 nights which was planned. i didn't think it was going to change anything after i heard him cried out the truth like that. but it was too painful to accept that i was going to be left out on the street after the first night spent with the man i loved and believing all the time that he loved me too. believing that he still had me big part of his heart and he didn't know yet how to choose as he was crying out like that last time we talked. i didn't know what i was doing any more. 3 days walking in hands. 3 days walked and walked and walked.. to where i didn't know. i didn't care about which street we turned, which food we had. my mind was blank. and when people said they were lost... i couldn't feel it more how it is like than this. i was not at all there.... i looked around my head flown to somewhere i didn't know. saw people on the street. the same street we walked back and forth but still i didn't remember i had been there. The town was so romantic. the little canal in ever corner we turned. chill out breeze at night with the soft amber light came from the restaurant the bars, music lullaby the whole town at night. yet some people screaming from the top of building telling us how high it was up there. we stopped we kissed we didn't talk.. we came home we made love and it was still perfect... I dont want to ask any more how could that be. i don't and won't find the answer. how could have someone who didn't love you anymore made love as if his soul still in yours. how was that hand holding yours still felt so warm, how was those eyes still said a lot of things to you and his kisses still getting in deepest place in you and take everything out... you cried in your heart how much you love him. it didn't hurt... it was great it was fulfill and its still natural. if this was the one side imagination.. i could never find out how is this possible... here what ends, we took the plane back together in paris. it must be stupid to ask if this was the end. but i understand nothing out of all of this... I might need a doctor! i felt nothing, no pain, no hunger, nothing in here. i cant go on... anyone read until here... slap me... what happened? and what going o happen? Edited September 11, 2012 by badanglefish
Recommended Posts