blue_jay_bird Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I broke NC, text him this message. " I don't like how we ended things. I think we need a proper send off. Let's meet up." Waiting is killing me.
geegirl Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 There was a thread on July 27 that you were two months into NC and there was no word from him. I'm assuming that makes about 3.5 months now that you haven't heard from him. How does a proper send-off make a break-up any less than what it is? A break-up is a break-up. It's not pleasant. It's riddled with pain, confusion, hurt, anger, bitterness and resentment. No amount of talking will take that pain away or change the situation. It's been months since he has contacted you, obviously the way it ended didn't affect him at all and he's living life. So, why after all this time, do you bring it up? You even said he never gave you anything to work with when breaking up with you. But yet you continue force someone to give you what they do not and cannot give you. Hopefully he answers you and you get what you need. Just as that last post you wrote about you wanting to tell him how happy you are for him and that you know he's doing the right thing for himself by ending it with you, when in fact it's not how you truly feel. You don't want a proper send-off. You're hoping for another chance to spark his interest. You're hoping you can change his mind if he sees you. The thing is, your motives are skewed.
TopCat22 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I don't know how you broke up, but what are you hoping to get from this? Is this a chance to get them back or do you want to meet to discuss the BU? I hope you get what you want, but you need to be prepared for them to refuse.
Sunslides Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I also broke NC. The thing is, she wants me back... We"ll ... I think. See, she moved in with this new guy and he is VERY jealous. She texted me, he saw, he freaked out, he text and called me from her phone, he left her, she came back to him (he is very controlling and she cannot say no)... All this : Yesterday. Now I feel lost again! She told me she is thinking about me all the time. What should I do? I was doing NC for 20 days... then this crap happened! Now, she does not even say sorry or anything... WTF is going on?
geegirl Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I also broke NC. The thing is, she wants me back... We"ll ... I think. See, she moved in with this new guy and he is VERY jealous. She texted me, he saw, he freaked out, he text and called me from her phone, he left her, she came back to him (he is very controlling and she cannot say no)... All this : Yesterday. Now I feel lost again! She told me she is thinking about me all the time. What should I do? I was doing NC for 20 days... then this crap happened! Now, she does not even say sorry or anything... WTF is going on? Where does it say she wants you back? She thinks about you but did she say she wants you back? Is she held captive somewhere and needs to be rescued? I can't see the part about him being controlling when she voluntarily went back to him after he left her. Does that tell you she wants to be with you? She's playing both sides. Go back to NC. If someone wants you back, they won't be running the other way. Unless she's tied to his hip, she has the freedom to be with you, if she wants to. Best you start a thread of your own to get advice. Blue Jay sorry for the threadjack. 1
Sunslides Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Same here, sorry for the threadjack. But, I still need to think this through... YES, I will go back to NC. The issue is that she moved there... so she is stuck. She went to him to take her stuff back. She cave in I can only guess. I know I cannot make her change anything... I have to go back to NC. I am so lost again! I hate this.
TopCat22 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Everyone has a choice. All the words you hear about them being confused, not knowing etc. are just that: words. The choice is simple, be with you or not. She has chosen not. 1
geegirl Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 The issue is that she moved there... so she is stuck. She went to him to take her stuff back. She cave in I can only guess. She's not stuck unless she's a fly on sticky paper. He's not keeping her there against her will. She is CHOOSING, every day, every minute, to stay with him. See it for what it is.
Sunslides Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 You are 100% correct! I know she has GIGS! He a a very controlling guy, he snoops on her phone and text ME from that phone. He even called. I am just wondering how and why she is with that kind of a guy... When she had me. It blows my mind!!
ponette Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I broke NC, text him this message. " I don't like how we ended things. I think we need a proper send off. Let's meet up." Waiting is killing me. i am in your corner on this one, feeling the same as you, but i maintain the silence because i have no other choice. i wish you would do the same. if nothing else, it will give you the sense of being in control...of yourself. preventing possibile humiliation. i don't know what your ex will do, but i hope the best outcome for YOU, whatever that is.
TopCat22 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Sunslides, I know exactly how much it hurts. What you need to tell yourself is how great you are. This guy is nothing compared to you. Rather than feel upset at her for choosing him, you should pity her. Choosing that clown over you shows what she really thinks of herself and her own self worth. I'd feel sad for her, not about her. I'm sure it doesn't help that much to hear but if you keep saying it to yourself you'll start to realise it's true and that you deserve better then her.
geegirl Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 You are 100% correct! I know she has GIGS! He a a very controlling guy, he snoops on her phone and text ME from that phone. He even called. I am just wondering how and why she is with that kind of a guy... When she had me. It blows my mind!! She is with him because she chooses to be with him. In her own toxicity, she feels comfortable in that sort of a relationship. Stop questioning her actions and start focusing on yours. Get back to NC.
Author blue_jay_bird Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 (edited) As everyone say's it's mistake. BUT, im here siting, thinking one day he will come back. AND it's stopping me from moving on. I'M using NC to get my boyfriend back. That is not the point of NC. I'm not using NC correctly. My Plan is: ... what should i say. Well i want to wish him the best. I hope you find happiness. Well, thats about it. Edited September 11, 2012 by blue_jay_bird
TopCat22 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Please don't get your hopes up. He may say the same back and wish you well too. Is that really what you want? Or are you trying to get him back? Is this a scare tactic to make him think he's really lost you and you're OK with the BU? Just have realistic expectations otherwise you're putting yourself in a place to get even more hurt. Either way, I hope it works out for you. I'm wishing you luck!
Author blue_jay_bird Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 (edited) the best situation will be... him wishing me luck too. I don't think he will get indecisive with me. If he does i'll stop him, say "there are reason's you broke up with me, right now you are just acting on feelings" Edited September 11, 2012 by blue_jay_bird
TopCat22 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Good on you Blue Jay! You'll feel good at least for handling it in a mature way.
LostGirl11 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I'm confused, so have you contacted him? Did he reply? Thought you said he had...
Author blue_jay_bird Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 I'm confused, so have you contacted him? Did he reply? Thought you said he had... I contacted him saying. " I don't like how we ended things. I think we need a proper send off. Let's meet up." He said "that's a good idea" and we set up a meeting for tonight.
Author blue_jay_bird Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 Any Advice on what to say?
geegirl Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 This was what you wanted to say in your post a couple of days ago... "I will say. You did the right thing, your acting on how you feel. I didn't know you where unhappy, and you should do what makes you happy. You have to do what you feel is right, and i feel like you are doing the right thing. Don't worry about feeling guilty. You will find someone, that you love enough you won't want to let go off. And ill find someone that won't want to let go of me. We both deserve someone that is equally in love..." You wanted a meeting. You have to ask yourself what you are seeking from this meeting to decide what you need to say. Only you can decide that. If it's a goodbye, then say your goodbyes and wish him well as the above. If it's not a goodbye but hoping he will change his mind, then tell him how you really feel. He will run with it or decline. We can't tell you what to say because we don't know your motives but I do hope you know what you want from this.
Crila16 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Oh Blue Jay. Please be careful. He broke up with you for a reason. If he wanted you, he wouldn't have let you leave his life with no contact for 3.5 months. I've been here before...please be careful this isn't just a booty call, missing you, blast from the past thing. I know you want it to be more, but honestly, he doesn't or he would have contacted you. He wouldn't have let you go in the first place. Be careful he doesn't feed you pretty words, trying to get you to weaken and then get you into bed. That part of the relationship, I'm sure he's missing. Once he gets you into bed, the next day he'll be distant and will say something like "I never said I wanted to get back together." I've seen it happen too many times. See him isn't going to help you. It's going to set you back 3.5 months. I know you're excited, but in truth...I don't think there will be a reconciliation. Just more heartache.
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