freestyle Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Oh, she is not telling me not to meet with him. She just feels like he is desparate and wants to continue to interfere. Honestly, part of me wants to meet to see if I get the same answers from him that I got from her. The stronger part of me wants to get this all behind me. Meeting with that scum will probably regenerate some feelings that I have already started letting go of. At this point, I think I should just concentrate on me and my W and disregard anything outside the two of us. As long as she continues the way she has been and is, I don't see dredging up the past --- unlesss I really want to revisit the hurt. I can understand your desire to see if the stories match up or not--- The thing is---- can you actually trust anything coming out of this man's mouth? I highly doubt he has your best interests in mind--not to mention his willingness to be an accomplice to your W's deceiving you for the duration of the affair. It's possible, he could just dump a bunch more 'mud' into the quagmire you're already in, and make it that much harder for you to climb out. If you do meet with him, I'd bring the whole salt shaker---you may need more than a few grains of salt.
mercy Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Oh, she is not telling me not to meet with him. She just feels like he is desparate and wants to continue to interfere. Honestly, part of me wants to meet to see if I get the same answers from him that I got from her. The stronger part of me wants to get this all behind me. Meeting with that scum will probably regenerate some feelings that I have already started letting go of. At this point, I think I should just concentrate on me and my W and disregard anything outside the two of us. As long as she continues the way she has been and is, I don't see dredging up the past --- unlesss I really want to revisit the hurt. I agree with your wife. I get why you want to meet him. Trust is hard, isn't it? We don't want to be made the fool. But really is he a trustworthy guy? I don't think so.
NotCamelot Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 That's why it's best to "let sleeping dogs lie"..... I don't really want to dignify his request with a response. In my WIFE's words, "He's not worth it." ( Now does she mean that, or is she afraid he'll tell me something I don't know? ) This way of thinking has to stop at some point, right???????? I'd would ask her to go with me to meet him, but I don't want him within miles of her.
mercy Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 That's why it's best to "let sleeping dogs lie"..... I don't really want to dignify his request with a response. In my WIFE's words, "He's not worth it." ( Now does she mean that, or is she afraid he'll tell me something I don't know? ) This way of thinking has to stop at some point, right???????? I'd would ask her to go with me to meet him, but I don't want him within miles of her. Yes! But it's so very hard to get there! Does your wife have a history of lying? I mean before the affair. I know you're having trouble trusting - even your own judgement. But really think hard. Is she a trustworthy person? Isn't she doing everything she can too help you heal? I say yes, let sleeping dogs (literally:laugh:) lie.
xxxV Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Yes my wife knows everything that happened. I was separated from my wife when this all went down. I say it is mostly my fault because I was having all sorts of problems with my wife, moved out, ended up with starting a relationship with the AP (thinking I was "in love" with her, she definitely was enamoured for a long time but had kept it to herself). And just a couple months later I realized I was a complete fool. Returned home, confessed the whole thing and have been reconciliating ever since. I never lied to AP. She knew were I was coming from. She was a friend, never encouraged me to leave home. In fact, she first suggested me MC. My wife didn't want at first (when we were still together). We only started MC after I broke with with AP. I still feel lots of guilt from the pain that I inflicted to everyone that surrounded me during this time. Especially to my wife, but not exclusively. I find this interesting. Why was it only your fault? Not her fault too? What did you do? Did you lie to her? I'm sorry to not have read your back story. Does your spouse know of her? How do you think she would react to meet up with your xAP?
beenburned Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Both of my son-in-laws OW called my D to tell her what all had been going on and for how long. She asked them to send her all the evidence they had.(emails, texts, photos,receipts, etc) When she got it she did extensive investigations to verify the truth. After concluding that she did have the truth, she filed for divorce. But she did refuse to meet either of them in person, as she felt no need to associate with them in person.(turned her stomach that they were LT OW)
NotCamelot Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Does your wife have a history of lying? I mean before the affair. I know you're having trouble trusting - even your own judgement. But really think hard. Is she a trustworthy person? Isn't she doing everything she can too help you heal? I say yes, let sleeping dogs (literally:laugh:) lie. Never, ever lied before. That is part of what hurt so badly. And, yes, she is doing everything she can to help the healing process. 1
mercy Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Never, ever lied before. That is part of what hurt so badly. And, yes, she is doing everything she can to help the healing process. I know I know I know! Hurts like hell. I had to remember who he was at the core of his being. Not who he had become. Though he was that for a time, it wasn't who he really was. I just knew it and trusted that. I thought, no matter what he did, no matter his wrong choices, he was and is the man I love. I just get a feeling about you and what you've posted about your wife, it's going to take time but you're going to get there. And if one day you decide, nope, can't do it well you'll know you gave it your best. And really that's all we can do. Many nights I sat outside alone thinking, I am just so thankful, grateful, even on the hardest days. And man some were hard. But I've never looked back with one ounce of regret. Just joy, my joy. I deserve it. So do you. Trust yourself, you're a smart man, you've got great judgement, you really do.
Sauron Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 You are married and she's not? Or, is she married too? Sorry, I forgot. Your wife may not agree with your view of your AP. As witnessed in this thread, the residual anger after discovery borderlines on the unrational. But that is just the way it is when one has been betrayed. Hope you are ready for it, should your wife ever find out, OR if you discover your AP has another OM besides you. I am married my OW is single. If my OW needs another man, she can have one, I just told her to practice safe sex. As far as my wife, she is to insecure and emotional to ever want to meet my OW if my A surfaces. I actually have discussed with my OW and my OOW that perhaps they look for more traditional realtionships, neither one of them are interested because of bad marriage expierences.
beenburned Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Sauron, Why are you staying married if you don't believe in monogamy? Is your wife aware of this?
woinlove Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 (edited) Sauron, Why are you staying married if you don't believe in monogamy? Is your wife aware of this? He's staying married for money: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/344790-staying-married-money an interesting topic itself, but it is under divorce, so probably not getting the attention it would under marriage. By the way, fp, I agree that getting an apology in a public situation would be rather crass and deserves to be done in a private setting, comfortable to the BS, if it is a real apology. Edited September 15, 2012 by woinlove 1
shaken_not_stirred Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 I am actually afraid of what will happen if my W finds out about me meeting up with her AP. (If I meet him without her knowing.) She thinks it is shocking that he wants to meet with me. She feels like he wants to say things that are not true so that I will be mad enough to "throw her out". She thinks that he feels like she will run to him if that happens. But, she says "I have nothing to hide." Bull she has nothing to hide, I think if her AP tells you something there is a much better chance of the truth from him. She is a professional liar all cheaters are. They say they love you then they hop in bed with someone else,wow that's true love lol
NotCamelot Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Bull she has nothing to hide, I think if her AP tells you something there is a much better chance of the truth from him. She is a professional liar all cheaters are. They say they love you then they hop in bed with someone else,wow that's true love lol Finally, last Friday, the only thing new I got from him was the name of the hotel and where. ( She told truth about location but would not tell me which hotel. ) He found out from me that she sneaked off and called me while she was with him....shocked him...found it hard to believe until I played him the voicemail I got just before I called her back.
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