frozensprouts Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 there was a question asked in the other man/woman section about what someone should do if they happen to run into their married man/woman's betrayed wife while out in public. ( refer to the thread for the exact wording)... if you were the betrayed spouse, what would you want to have happen? Personally, an apology to me wouldn't mean anything, so I'd rather not get one, especially in public...better to say nothing at all, and if one feels truly remorseful, make apologies in some other way at a different place/time.
NotCamelot Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I have almost that situation now. My wife's AP wants to meet me. I got the email yesterday. He want's me to pick time and place. I have gotten the apology and the request for forgiveness......not sure what he wants. But, if I do it, I will be loaded with questions.......see if both sides of the story are the same.
NotCamelot Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 BTW, my W and I ran into her AP with his wife in a dinner club 2 weeks to the day after D-Day. My W asked me to sit still and not say a word or do anything. In fact, she held my hand tightly and did not let go for 3 hours. He walked by me twice - within inches, and I know he saw us. But, she was right, it was not the right time or place.....and the timing was so close to D-day that I would probably went to jail that night. 1
mercy Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I've never laid eyes on the OW. I don't want her face in my head. I know (asked one of h's friends) that she is 10 or 12 years older than me, long grey hair and kinda heavy. So I do have an image of a broom. After all that she has put me through I know what I would do and what I'd say but I won't post it. 4
mercy Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 It happens on a regular basis. Really? I couldn't stomach that, at all!
mercy Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 BTW, my W and I ran into her AP with his wife in a dinner club 2 weeks to the day after D-Day. My W asked me to sit still and not say a word or do anything. In fact, she held my hand tightly and did not let go for 3 hours. He walked by me twice - within inches, and I know he saw us. But, she was right, it was not the right time or place.....and the timing was so close to D-day that I would probably went to jail that night. Yup, I'd need bail money.... 1
NotCamelot Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 After all that she has put me through I know what I would do and what I'd say but I won't post it. That's why it's probably best if we all don't meet up with the AP. 2
Author frozensprouts Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 I did run into my husband's ex other woman a few times...hard not to, as we live in a pretty small place where everyone knows everyone else ( and most of them work together)... once was in a grocery store with my kids. Took me a minute to realize who it was, and she asked them " how do you like you daddy being gone'...( he was deployed- this was after the affair ended)...they cried as they missed him. I said nothing to her, partly because I was shocked, and partly because I didn't want to sink to that kind of level ( a big part of me did want to say something snarky, but looking back, I'm glad I didn't)... the other times were at work related functions ( they worked together for a few years after the affair ended). Ran into her in the ladies room at a formal dinner...she looked like a deer caught in the headlights, but neither of us said anything. The other time was at another dinner. She kept trying to talk to me and telling me we should be "friends"...weird, eh? As for other contact, that was initiated by her ( phone, email etc. or lurking around outside my house watching me and my kids)... I can't extrapolate from her behavior to that of most other men/women, as she really was way outside what seems normal
waterwoman Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 nor would I quite know what to day if I did. Know her quite well from before though. While the affair was going on we were in touch quite often organising H's 50th bday present from his class. I went to her house and she came to mine - sat there drinking my coffee talking about my H! And then when she came to his party she was on the verge of leaving her H, and I gave her a hug and offered her a bed for the night. What an idiot eh? Sad thing is that I liked her and felt so sorry for her. Clearly so did my H
Betrayed&Stayed Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I did run into my husband's ex other woman a few times...hard not to, as we live in a pretty small place where everyone knows everyone else ( and most of them work together)... once was in a grocery store with my kids. Took me a minute to realize who it was, and she asked them " how do you like you daddy being gone'...( he was deployed- this was after the affair ended)...they cried as they missed him. I said nothing to her, partly because I was shocked, and partly because I didn't want to sink to that kind of level ( a big part of me did want to say something snarky, but looking back, I'm glad I didn't)... the other times were at work related functions ( they worked together for a few years after the affair ended). Ran into her in the ladies room at a formal dinner...she looked like a deer caught in the headlights, but neither of us said anything. The other time was at another dinner. She kept trying to talk to me and telling me we should be "friends"...weird, eh? As for other contact, that was initiated by her ( phone, email etc. or lurking around outside my house watching me and my kids)... I can't extrapolate from her behavior to that of most other men/women, as she really was way outside what seems normal There is no way I could live near the OM. My emotions get riled up when I visit the city that he currently lives in. The thought of bumping into him only brings not-very-good thoughts to mind. The thought of that happening on a semi-regular basis is something that I could not live with. I'm very glad that we've lived far way since the A ended. If he did ever see me, he better leave the area immediately.
Soul_Lost Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I have run into the OM several times in the over 3 years since D-Day. Twice he was with his wife and twice he was alone. I was with my FWW for 3 of those times. The one and only time I was alone I was surrounded by numerous other people. It was fortunate for him because he would of met the business end of my fists often and repeatedly. Not once has he apologized nor made any effort to. Frankly I don't want it as it will be hollow just like his head and his life. Each time I have seen him I look at him and wonder WTF was my FWW thinking. She chose that over me for a period of time? Anger has subsided dramatically since the first time I ever saw him. The first time was a golden opportunity for me because he had NO idea I was behind him. I was shaking with rage. I told my FWW he was in the same proximity to me and she saw my rage. We left and I almost plowed into his truck because he cut me off. I rolled my window down and made him see me. He shrank in the driver's seat and hauled ass away from me. I know where he lives and made sure that he knew that by pulling up across the street from his house when he got out of the truck. I just rolled the window down and glared and he ran into the house. My FWW just sat in the passenger seat because she knew there was nothing she could do. This was a primal rage like I have never felt. It heals with time. The last time I saw him and his BW together was at a home improvement store and again he was oblivious to me. I told my FWW he was there and she just stated "Let's get out of here". It happens a hell of a lot more than I'd like. If he was on fire, I'd throw fuel on him. SL 2
Ninja'sHusband Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I saw OMM twice at the dojo. The first time we both knew we'd see each other. The second time I had started training and he came to class, I don't think he knew I was going to be there. We completely ignored each other, I don't know that I would have had it any other way..well actually I would rather not have had to go to that class at all...but that's another story.
drifter777 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I never have met the OM(s) and never gave it much thought until a year or so after d-day. I did not blame either of them in the beginning as I rationalized it as "guys will be guys" and I couldn't expect them to pass up easy pu$$y. When I finally reacted, I think my anger and rage at them was mis-placed and should have been directed at my wife. Because of my sick need to avoid confrontation and keep the family together at any cost, it was easier to hate and swear vengeance on them then face the reality of my wife's selfish, disgusting behavior. I finally did face the truth and confront my wife and now I feel like I have an "appropriate" amount of disgust and anger with her partners. A number of posters have expressed their hatred and rage toward the OM/OW. Is it possible your anger is mis-placed like mine was? Just sayin' 1
NotCamelot Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 A number of posters have expressed their hatred and rage toward the OM/OW. Is it possible your anger is mis-placed like mine was? Just sayin' Not me......I say this because he is married and his wife was also in an A of her own. So, in my case, he knew exactly what he was doing and was not the "easy pu$$y" route. I see it as revenge against his wife. And, since he was hurting for what his wife was doing, shouldn't he have chosen a single woman for revenge instead of inflicting the same pain on another man????
GLDheart Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Wow, what a question. I don't believe that I would "speak" out loud at all. However, my predatory and unwaivering eye contact would say it all...
GLDheart Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Just to be clear, my feelings towards this slime of a human are a direct result of the pain not caused to me... but the pain to my 3 year old daughter. I don't care what he thought of me or if he did at all... but to get involved with my little girl's family and have a hand in it's destruction, that I have unresolved feelings about. In the end, I will be fine. But my baby's life is changed forever. 1
drifter777 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Not me......I say this because he is married and his wife was also in an A of her own. So, in my case, he knew exactly what he was doing and was not the "easy pu$$y" route. I see it as revenge against his wife. And, since he was hurting for what his wife was doing, shouldn't he have chosen a single woman for revenge instead of inflicting the same pain on another man???? What I meant was do you think that the anger you feel toward the OM is really anger that you feel toward your wife? I'm not trying to absolve the OM here, just wondering if any BS's think that they may have mis-placed their anger at the AP instead of at their WS. In the end, it's all about your spouse deciding to cheat. If it wasn't with the AP they found, they would have found someone else. 1
Soul_Lost Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 A number of posters have expressed their hatred and rage toward the OM/OW. Is it possible your anger is mis-placed like mine was? Just sayin' My anger and rage was precisely where it needed to be. I was angry at both of them. I was able to sort it through with the FWW. The POS OM knew what he had done and was running scared because he was afraid of confronting me. Had I chosen the easier path and just bailed on the marriage and not truly work on the issues, there's a very real possibility I could be elsewhere (Jail). Over time though, I have learned through the various Law Enforcement people I know personally, what kind of guy the POS OM is. My FWW will be the first to tell you she was stupid. Everyone who knows this guy admits he's an asshat. Karma is a short bus with a long memory. I will relish the day when it hits him right square in the face. SL
nofool4u Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 there was a question asked in the other man/woman section about what someone should do if they happen to run into their married man/woman's betrayed wife while out in public. ( refer to the thread for the exact wording)... if you were the betrayed spouse, what would you want to have happen? Him look the other way and not acknowledge me, because I sure as hell won't acknowledge him. Personally, an apology to me wouldn't mean anything, so I'd rather not get one Me neither. An apology is only to be spoken by people who know they did wrong and are truly sorry. especially in public...better to say nothing at all, and if one feels truly remorseful, make apologies in some other way at a different place/time. Nah, don't want an apology. OM/OW aren't truly remorseful if they are still with your X or stbX.
Michael Johnson Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 BTW, my W and I ran into her AP with his wife in a dinner club 2 weeks to the day after D-Day. My W asked me to sit still and not say a word or do anything. In fact, she held my hand tightly and did not let go for 3 hours. He walked by me twice - within inches, and I know he saw us. But, she was right, it was not the right time or place.....and the timing was so close to D-day that I would probably went to jail that night. Who is she to tell you not to say anything to him? She's not in the driver seat and she's the one who caused the mess. If anything, I would've told her politely that when I need her commentary, I'll ask for it.
Spark1111 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 nor would I quite know what to day if I did. Know her quite well from before though. While the affair was going on we were in touch quite often organising H's 50th bday present from his class. I went to her house and she came to mine - sat there drinking my coffee talking about my H! And then when she came to his party she was on the verge of leaving her H, and I gave her a hug and offered her a bed for the night. What an idiot eh? Sad thing is that I liked her and felt so sorry for her. Clearly so did my H Me too! But no more. We did meet twice during the affair. Once, when she accidentally on purpose;) bumped into us and a group of friends. I bought her a drink (she was a co-worker of his) and she told me all about how vile her xH was for not allowing their child to accompany her. Imagine that? In retrospect, she was checking out her competition...me! Who knew? Then, almost a year later, she attended my FIL's funeral with other co-workers. I went up to her and she pretended not to know who I was or even looked at me. I thought she may be deaf in that ear:p and moved on. In retrospect, she snubbed me. Imagine that? I finally had to confront her when she brazenly broke NC more than two years after dday and tried to see if he was interested in...hmmm, you guessed it. Resuming the affair! I told her off finally, warned her off, and am happy to have done so. She wasn't a damsel in distress. She was a calculating piece of work, although she seemed very nice. Everyone says so. I have since been stuck in traffic while driving my H's car when she did a race car maneuver to beat the light. Hoping I or he wouldn't see her? I did. It's been 5 years. I no longer care and actually feel sorry for her. Maybe I could muster one of these-----.
underwater2010 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I would hope she would look down at the ground in shame and then run the other direction. I would also I hope I would be able to control myself from slapping her face.
Benedictatu Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I see her all the time. She's smug and happy and all over him like a rash. It makes me sick. It's not a big town and everywhere I go I run the risk that they will be there. It was my life but now there's nowhere I can go that feels safe anymore because everything has her footprints all over it.
NotCamelot Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 What I meant was do you think that the anger you feel toward the OM is really anger that you feel toward your wife? I'm not trying to absolve the OM here, just wondering if any BS's think that they may have mis-placed their anger at the AP instead of at their WS. In the end, it's all about your spouse deciding to cheat. If it wasn't with the AP they found, they would have found someone else. It's not that I an NOT mad at my W, or at least I was - it's subsiding.....BUT I am madder at him because for him to do it when he knew she was married and having the same done to him at the same time. For me, his action was worse because his personal feeling of being betrayed should have stopped him from doing it to me. Maybe I'm wrong......but when we do meet, sometime this week, I just hope I can have the strength to contain myself. I want to seriously harm this person.....and I know I shouldn't.
NotCamelot Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Who is she to tell you not to say anything to him? She's not in the driver seat and she's the one who caused the mess. If anything, I would've told her politely that when I need her commentary, I'll ask for it. She kept saying, "This is not the place." And she was right about that. It was a public dinner club where one of my celebrity friends invited us to come where he was performing. The more I thought about it, I did not want to embarass myself by letting everyone know what my wife had done. I don't know about everyone else, but I would rather this be kept secret.
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