pineapples Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 (edited) Hi. I met a guy at work about a month ago (we don't work together). I think he is in his early 30s. He was lost and approached me to give him directions. Well, what can I say, we were instantly attracted to each other . A week later, I met him again at a totally different part of the building. I could tell that he was lost again... He saw me as he passed by me, but didn't ask, just said hello, smiled and went on hesitantly. Since then I have seen him about 3 more times, but every time we run into each other, he looks at me, and then looks down, and turns his head away! At first I was shocked and kept looking at him, because he seemed like a nice guy and I just wanted to say hello... Second time it happened, I thought, what is wrong with him? I know for a fact that he recognizes me (and he looks into my eyes, so it is not like he doesn't see me)! What do you guys think? Edited September 11, 2012 by pineapples
truth_seeker Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 How do you know he was attracted to you?
ScreamingTrees Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I would guess gay. Seems to be a ridiculous assumption, don't you think? That someone has to be gay just because they're not oogling every girl they see, logically, I don't see how having trouble with eye contact necessarily means a guy likes to play with dongs. 1
TaraMaiden Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I was just foolin' around. But then again, it's as much an assumption as the OP's simple choice of two: Shy or a jerk? Why should he be either? How do we know 'there was an instant attraction'? I made the same kind of 'jumping to conclusion' assumption she did.
TaraMaiden Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 And frankly, it might be more accurate than her 'instant attraction' assumption. And there's nothing wrong with a guy being gay.... Is there?
Author pineapples Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 Personally, if I spot someone I have spoken to before, I will say hi to that person. Although it has happened in the past that I was too shy, and looked away (when I really liked a guy). But I would also look away if I found a person very unsympathetic and would like to avoid talking to them. I started this thread because I hoped people might tell me why/when do they act this way, if they do. About attraction... I don't see why wouldn't a person be able to see, or 'sense', if there is attraction. Let's say I speak to 10-30 men in a day, it can be a barista in a coffee shop, the cashier or the cab driver... Obviously I do feel when I am drawn/attracted to someone, and feel that this person likes me too. I can't tell for sure of course, but I think when you meet someone, there is something in the air and you know instantly if this is your type of person or not. And this is true about all kinds of relationships, friendships, professional and romantic relationships as well. Might just call it the first impression. This is what I meant when I said we were attracted. Plus he did say hello when we met second time, it means I made an impression on him enough for him to remember me.
ScreamingTrees Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I was just foolin' around. But then again, it's as much an assumption as the OP's simple choice of two: Shy or a jerk? Why should he be either? How do we know 'there was an instant attraction'? I made the same kind of 'jumping to conclusion' assumption she did. Nothing wrong with a guy being gay, but it doesn't help a shy guy's case if he's mistaken for gay just because he's not particularly outgoing. My bad. I agree, they're all assumptions, and yours are no less valid than her's.. I also don't think there's anything wrong with homosexuality, I just don't think it's fair to a lot of shy (or naturally introverted people like myself who might appear shy to a total stranger) people to be written off as batting for the other team just because they're quiet, or a bit withdrawn or avoidant. I'm just making a general statement here.. I guess it can't really be helped, though.
TaraMaiden Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Three of my cousins are gay, I have several friends (including three on here) who are gay. to me, they're just as variable temperamentally, as heterosexual/bisexual/transgender folks. I was being a wise-gal. In other words, to be frank, there's absolutely no knowing, in any way shape or form, what "pattern of behaviour", exactly this guy is manifesting... At the end of the day, he's probably still finding his feet in a new place of work. Twice she met him and he was lost... Doing his job and being in the right place on time, was probably more important to him that "I just met this girl and there's an instant attraction!" 1
Author pineapples Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 Tara, what kind of satisfaction does it give you to make fun of me and being abusive on here. Please don't write anything if you have nothing meaningful to add.
Imajerk17 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 It's funny to me that whenever a guy doesn't follow through on a woman's interest, that according to said woman, there is something wrong with the guy. Such as here (because the guy didn't follow through with pineapple, she thinks is either shy, gay, or conceited jerk). He just isn't interested pineapple. What's wrong with that?
ScreamingTrees Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Tara, what kind of satisfaction does it give you to make fun of me and being abusive on here. Please don't write anything if you have nothing meaningful to add. You're being a little too sensitive, sweetie. She's just saying that you can't expect the guy to automatically be thinking "Huh, oh, look, she talked to me! I should ask her out on a date, she's obviously into me! She smiled!" He could be shy, but it definitely could be that he's still adjusting to things. If he IS just shy or introverted and YOU are interested, you might have to try to coax him out of his shell. If you're showing obvious signs of attraction or bluntly ask him if he'd like to get coffee or go to lunch together, even if he misinterprets it as something other than a date, it's a start considering he'd be willing to do it with you and get to know you.. I say you should ask him to get lunch with you or something after awhile of seeing him. Don't act like anything's wrong, it wasn't a big deal, you don't really know each other like that.
TaraMaiden Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Tara, what kind of satisfaction does it give you to make fun of me and being abusive on here. Please don't write anything if you have nothing meaningful to add. WTF...?
InJest Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Pineapples, I usually don't agree with TaraMaiden, but she was dead on with her last comment. If you can't see how that comment had merit, then you're just an immature little girl, which is what I thought immediately after reading your original post.
ScreamingTrees Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Hey Pineapples, I'm Eddie I once read a report that if when you make eye contact with someone and they instantly look at the ground they are in fact interested in you. If they look left or right they are most likely indifferent, and if they look up upon eye contact they feel you are not worthy. Sure hope that helps, seems like a shy guy from my point of view; is making the first move out of the question? Perhaps that would speed up the process just a bit Well, maybe that used to be my problem, maybe I unintentionally sent signals of romance to every girl I saw, hell, even every guy I saw, every old lady, every dog.. (You shouldn't look them in the eyes, y'know, unless it's a Pug or something)
TaraMaiden Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Not even if they're a pug - ESPECIALLY if they're a pug!!
ScreamingTrees Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Not even if they're a pug - ESPECIALLY if they're a pug!! But Pugs seem to love me for some reason, no joke. They look back into my eyes and know I'm down like a dog in the pound, yo. (Lord strike me dead for having said that.)
The Way I Am Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I started this thread because I hoped people might tell me why/when do they act this way, if they do. I used to do that because I was shy. Now I usually act that way when I don't really feel like talking to someone and am too busy or burnt out to put the effort into a hello that might result in a conversation I don't want to have at that moment. So I guess because I'm a jerk... (?) About attraction... I don't see why wouldn't a person be able to see, or 'sense', if there is attraction. Let's say I speak to 10-30 men in a day, it can be a barista in a coffee shop, the cashier or the cab driver... Obviously I do feel when I am drawn/attracted to someone, and feel that this person likes me too. I can't tell for sure of course, but I think when you meet someone, there is something in the air and you know instantly if this is your type of person or not. And this is true about all kinds of relationships, friendships, professional and romantic relationships as well. Might just call it the first impression. This is what I meant when I said we were attracted. Plus he did say hello when we met second time, it means I made an impression on him enough for him to remember me.You can only know for sure about your side. Some people (often sales people but not always) give off signs of attraction with practically everyone. If you see him again, and he looks away, just say hi anyway. If he is attracted but shy, you'll break the ice for him. If not, no harm done.
SJC2008 Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 "I once read a report that if when you make eye contact with someone and they instantly look at the ground they are in fact interested in you. If they look left or right they are most likely indifferent, and if they look up upon eye contact they feel you are not worthy. Sure hope that helps, seems like a shy guy from my point of view; is making the first move out of the question? Perhaps that would speed up the process just a bit ;)" If he looks down and to the right he's probably attracted to you AND very shy. Most men don't look down when catching the gaze of a woman so the fact that he does tells me he's very shy. I'm not hating on him I've done it before and stopped doing it. I've done lots of int searches on eye contact. It's very overrated IMO. It hasn't helped me at all. In fact I probabaly over did it lol!
insertnamehere Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Serious q for the OP: How did you arrive at "conceited jerk" as a possible explanation based on his behavior? How many conceited jerks are going to duck their heads around a girl they like? The jerk variant of that behavior would be to look off, not down. Down is pure submissive behavior in primates. It's a sign of shyness, lack of confidence, fear, deference to status -- all kinds of things. None which equal "conceited jerk".
Necris Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Nothing wrong with a guy being gay, but it doesn't help a shy guy's case if he's mistaken for gay just because he's not particularly outgoing. My bad. I agree, they're all assumptions, and yours are no less valid than her's.. I also don't think there's anything wrong with homosexuality, I just don't think it's fair to a lot of shy (or naturally introverted people like myself who might appear shy to a total stranger) people to be written off as batting for the other team just because they're quiet, or a bit withdrawn or avoidant. I'm just making a general statement here.. I guess it can't really be helped, though. That reminds me back in High School for whatever reason someone tried to spread rumors that I was gay, just because I'm that shy virgin guy who never had a girlfriend. I remember one event where I was just sitting on the school bus minding my own business and this other dude tried to humiliate me by calling me gay and coming up with all these outlandish gay stories, and even managed to get other people to join including some girls, I remember this one girl looking me in the face and proclaiming she does believe I must be gay, I'm like, the **** is this has everyone gone insane? 1
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