Biscous Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 My ex was supposed to move in with me. We were LDR for about half of our relationship for a year. She got cold feet, took an internship, said she needed 'space'. This was two months before she was supposed to move in with me and us be together. Fast forward. I've been three months NC with her. She has called me, texted me, messaged me on Facebook (after removing me on FB mind you) even up to this day. She finally asked me today "Did you block my number" to which I did not reply. The weird thing about this all is, she went back to the ex that she mentioned was horrible to her. I recall a few months ago her telling me she got a restraining order on him and he was moving to NY (she said she got this info from his family). So...it's a month or so she's been up there and she has been attempting to contact me for two months. Why is she doing this? She's having sex with this man and living with him, but she keeps constantly attempting to contact me.
Chi townD Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Well, who knows. I speculate that she found out that you learned the truth of what she's doing right now and who she's currently with. SOME women can't stand the fact that there might be someone on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they are a nice person. She wants you contact you in order to she if you hate her or not. She wants to get you in the "friend zone" to ease her own guilt. Sound like her contacting you is selfishly motivated. No need to contact her. She knows what she did and she has to live with the consquences of her actions. If hooking up with her Ex was a mistake, well then, that's a mistake she will have to live with because you don't have to.
Author Biscous Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 Well, who knows. I speculate that she found out that you learned the truth of what she's doing right now and who she's currently with. SOME women can't stand the fact that there might be someone on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they are a nice person. She wants you contact you in order to she if you hate her or not. She wants to get you in the "friend zone" to ease her own guilt. Sound like her contacting you is selfishly motivated. No need to contact her. She knows what she did and she has to live with the consquences of her actions. If hooking up with her Ex was a mistake, well then, that's a mistake she will have to live with because you don't have to. I think part of it is the fact that she is unsure of her decision. Why would she keep my contact information around? That's the weird thing. She still has many of my possessions as well, which I can move on with, but if she was 'done' she would return those things also. So strange.
Author Biscous Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 Same thing and she is getting more desperate. Attempted to call me on Sunday and then texted me "I'm dying to talk to you". Seems like she's regretting her decisions deeply now and I don't know how to respond.
Chi townD Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Then don't respond! Look, actions speak louder than words! You two were an item and a couple. She threw you away to be with her Ex. SHE decided that she valued him more than you. She's now living with the guy and sleeping in the same bed as him. If she's regretting her decision; thinks that she made a mistake. Well, that's a mistake she has to live with because you don't have to. There's a chance that she's trying to cake eat. Sounds like this other dude was (is) a douche rocket. So much so, that she had to get an RO on him. So, I'm thinking that he's not much of a conversationalist. Probably never pays her any compliments or even asks her how her day was. So, she might be trying to get that from you. For you to fill that emotional need and he gets to fill the physical need. Best of both worlds for her, but how is that fair to you? And why would you even consider getting back with a person that treated you so badly when there's a world of girls out there that wouldn't even consider playing half the games your Ex has been playing with you? You deserve better. Heal and move on. Make positive changes in your life and I promise you'll be better off. I reccommend that you look up some threads on her from people that have come back and told their story of NC and the changes that they've made to their lives. I'm sure you'll find their stories inspiring. And you see how much better off they are once they've established true NC.
Sunslides Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 I am sooooo in the same boat right now. She also moved in with a guy she recently met and she contacts me from time to time... These are hard times. But I am on NC so I did not respond last time she tried. But man... It is hard to think she wakes up with him every morning... Sigh...
geegirl Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Same thing and she is getting more desperate. Attempted to call me on Sunday and then texted me "I'm dying to talk to you". Seems like she's regretting her decisions deeply now and I don't know how to respond. She reminds me of this saying, "She's like a monkey. She won't let go of one branch until she grabs hold of another." The fact that she went back to an abusive ex is a clear sign she is not emotionally healthy. Plus she's going behind his back. Not the makings of a stable partner. Either wants you on the back burner or feels unhappy with this guy and is wanting to secure you before she lets go of this other one. If there was any substance to her in that she believes she made a mistake and wants to work it out with you, she would say so. If she's not saying so, she's most likely looking for a soft landing spot.
Author Biscous Posted September 18, 2012 Author Posted September 18, 2012 She reminds me of this saying, "She's like a monkey. She won't let go of one branch until she grabs hold of another." The fact that she went back to an abusive ex is a clear sign she is not emotionally healthy. Plus she's going behind his back. Not the makings of a stable partner. Either wants you on the back burner or feels unhappy with this guy and is wanting to secure you before she lets go of this other one. If there was any substance to her in that she believes she made a mistake and wants to work it out with you, she would say so. If she's not saying so, she's most likely looking for a soft landing spot. Looking back in some things in the relationship, she was not as emotionally mature as I thought. I could chalk it up to age (her 22, me 28) but even so, she talked a good game. She was a sweetheart to my family, very loving at times, but she is choosing to go to an emotionally abusive partner. Also I haven't heard those words yet "I'm sorry for what I put you through" or "I ****ed up". I just happen to be a better option. It does bother me that after she broke up with me claiming she needs space JUST A MONTH LATER, probably even earlier than that, she's talking to this ex. You all are right, this is something she has to deal with, not me.
Frank13 Posted September 18, 2012 Posted September 18, 2012 Same thing and she is getting more desperate. Attempted to call me on Sunday and then texted me "I'm dying to talk to you". Seems like she's regretting her decisions deeply now and I don't know how to respond. You can read plenty of stories on here that as soon as you respond, or shortly after, she will decide she doesn't want you andymore and disappear. It's the "wanting what they can't have" thing.
Author Biscous Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 You can read plenty of stories on here that as soon as you respond, or shortly after, she will decide she doesn't want you andymore and disappear. It's the "wanting what they can't have" thing. I meant more on the lines of "What are you reasons for calling me?" "I think us breaking up was the best thing for us" etc. I don't intend on reconciling. At most a booty call out of anger but that's too much effort.
Chi townD Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I meant more on the lines of "What are you reasons for calling me?" "I think us breaking up was the best thing for us" etc. I don't intend on reconciling. At most a booty call out of anger but that's too much effort. I wouldn't even go there. Not worth the time or effort in playing these games.
cincinnatikid Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 The equation here is real simple. Her (unsure). You (crutch). Solution .. leave it alone and let her potentially fall flat on her face. End of story.
Author Biscous Posted September 30, 2012 Author Posted September 30, 2012 The equation here is real simple. Her (unsure). You (crutch). Solution .. leave it alone and let her potentially fall flat on her face. End of story. She is falling now. Moving back to her parents back in Georgia. She blasted me with 'please say something to me' texts and she had the audacity to say that I could at least tell her to forget about me so she can move on when SHE was the one who broke up with me. *sigh*
betterdeal Posted September 30, 2012 Posted September 30, 2012 Some people (for some part of their lives at least) define their sense of self by their relationships with the opposite sex. It may be that she is one of those people. Meanwhile, what a bind this must for you to be getting these messages. The phrase "I can't help you" comes to mind as a possible reply. MInd you, so does changing your phone number, which I found very liberating. Each to his own.
Recommended Posts