KansasChica Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 So, my ex broke up with me many months ago. There was never any one reason- I was his first serious girlfriend, but I loved him a great deal. At the end, he devalued me pretty badly, calling me b*tchy and selfish and the reason he was in debt. (although he bought expensive clothes and drove a mercedes). I was heartbroken though and gave him space. I found out recently that his best friend told a friend of mine that I always let my ex pay for everything and I was a gold digger basically (which is absolutely not true). I've been pretty independent my whole life. My ex always insisted on paying for dinners and things and eventually, I will admit, I just conceded to it. It became routine. But he never communicated that he had a problem with it- I just thought he accepted it because he makes more than twice than I do. Now I feel a deep sense of guilt that this is how he felt. If I could go back, I would split everything, but obviously I can't. He hurt me so badly, but I can't get over this sense of guilt at how I behaved.
bluefairy812 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 So, my ex broke up with me many months ago. There was never any one reason- I was his first serious girlfriend, but I loved him a great deal. At the end, he devalued me pretty badly, calling me b*tchy and selfish and the reason he was in debt. (although he bought expensive clothes and drove a mercedes). I was heartbroken though and gave him space. I found out recently that his best friend told a friend of mine that I always let my ex pay for everything and I was a gold digger basically (which is absolutely not true). I've been pretty independent my whole life. My ex always insisted on paying for dinners and things and eventually, I will admit, I just conceded to it. It became routine. But he never communicated that he had a problem with it- I just thought he accepted it because he makes more than twice than I do. Now I feel a deep sense of guilt that this is how he felt. If I could go back, I would split everything, but obviously I can't. He hurt me so badly, but I can't get over this sense of guilt at how I behaved. don't feel guilty, a relationship is 50/50 - meaning he needed to do his part and communicate his feelings and issues with you which he failed to do, meaning he failed at being a boyfriend. if anything, he should have regrets. what did he expect you to do, check your crystal ball to see how he was feeling? 2
Gab09 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Don't let that guy low ball you! Guys do what guys do. I personally would never let my girl pay for nothing! I would always pay out of my heart, if he then fell in debt for bad management and is trying to blame it on him paying for your dinners.. lol that's quite stupid. Let him bark whatever he wants, stop feeling guilty. Call me old school, but if I lived it again, doesn't matter I'm having financial problems right now, it was my responsibility to feed her and put a roof on her head. THats just the way things are.. When you love somebody, **** like that doesn't matter. 1
mizzat Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Don't let that guy low ball you! Guys do what guys do. I personally would never let my girl pay for nothing! I would always pay out of my heart, if he then fell in debt for bad management and is trying to blame it on him paying for your dinners.. lol that's quite stupid. Let him bark whatever he wants, stop feeling guilty. Call me old school, but if I lived it again, doesn't matter I'm having financial problems right now, it was my responsibility to feed her and put a roof on her head. THats just the way things are.. When you love somebody, **** like that doesn't matter. exactly 100% what u have said Gab09 good words man good words 1
Calico Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I think it's fairly normal for dumpers to blame the dumpee for their decisions and choices. Just like my ex essentially blamed me for her cheating (over several months!) and the deception. "Couldn't talk to you", she said. There was no reason for that. Her perspective is skewed and, of course, feeling as low for getting dumped as I do, I eat that up and believe it. You're doing the same thing, and we are both stupid for doing so. Let's snap out of that nonsense together. 1
lovebug1234 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 don't feel guilty, he's a loser for saying those things after. a man that can't communicate his feelings effectively is just a boy. 1
Appleness Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Ahhh, misplaced machismo....classic! KansasChica, your ex doesn't want people to know exactly what horrible reason it was that he truly broke up with you over. Because then he'll have no friends. I'm currently NC because my ex broke up with me the the third time. 8 years and three break ups, each time he called it off. He has a friend from high school named Kay. She's a year older and lives several states away. From my understanding, she is his confidante. Shortly after our second breakup, there was one day that he asked me to look up someone's number on his cell while he showered for a friend's party. I came across a series of messages where they texted back and forth and he was complaining the reason he broke up with me was because I had these road toll charges and he was fed up. The friend assumed that I was irresponsible and he was paying them and the fines. Here's what actually happened: The road toll sometimes doesn't pick up the signal from the car. It photographs the plate and sends it to the house, I fax back the proof of my transponder and that should have been it. However, there was a typo for my plate number so the computer never matched it properly. I was more than happy to just pay everything and just to have them correct it but he insisted that he wanted to argue to get the fines off. I still paid for everything after that. Yet, his friend probably thinks that I mooch off him for everything. He said I was lazy for not arguing. I work about 60 hours a week. We dated for years and we went dutch even after living together. You can say to yourself "Oh if I had paid for my share of things then he wouldn't say bad things about me" but I can tell you it's not true. He will find a reason. ANY REASON if he's just not that into you. You'll walk on eggshells for the rest of your life with someone like this. Walk away and buy your own nice things for yourself until you're ready to move on to someone else. Watch him bankrupt himself, morally and financially. I've read some of your other threads and you seem like a nice girl. He's not the only guy out there. You can definitely do better. Don't feel guilt for not doing anything wrong 2
Author KansasChica Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 Thanks all! He never gave me a real reason why he broke up with me, so this was the first hearing about this and it just shook me. I just have to keep reminding myself that it takes two to tango and he'll just continue to blame me for everything to help hold up his ego.
Sugarkane Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 My ex also blamed 100% of the breakup on me too because I'm not a mind reader. They try and put their guilt onto us instead.
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