robaday Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Just wondering if you had ever dated someone who told you their ex was controlling......and then they became controlling? Im interested to know if it was actually her who was the controlling one? or whether the result of the controlling relationship was for her to become controlling?
ChatroomHero Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I had my ex say I was controlling despite her wanting everything done her way down to how the towels were folded. I once did 12 loads of laundry in a day for her and her kids to be nice while she was at work-none of my laundry-and she bitched about how I folded towels. I'm pretty laid back, if anything I am too passive. She had ways in her mind of how everything should be done. In fact I would ask her input about a project around the house multiple times and she would say she didn't care, I could do it however I wanted to do it and then without fail everytime would say, "I didn't know you were going to do it like that" or had some general complaint like after I started something she decided she was going to invite people over and was mad I started working on the house before she decided that. When we moved in the furniture was how she wanted it in every room. I put dishes away and she pulled everything out and changed it. She didn't want me to have a night stand or a dresser in our bedroom even though her dresser was completely full and the night stand was on her side of the bed so I would have to roll over her to shut off my alarm every morning. She later was mad and told me every room in the house was mine and my way to which I was dumbfounded. When we moved I moved my stuff about an hour faster than I expected and told her I was coming with all of my friends (who were only available a short time that day) 45 minutes early and she was p*ssed because she said she wasn't ready and that I had told her I thought I would be there at 11, like moving is an exact science. (Who packs an entire house and garage full of furniture and kids stuff in 45 minutes anyway?) All I can tell you is it is maddening unless you are a total pushover and she may well continue to say you are controlling when she gets her way every time. You feel like you are giving up everything and have no real say to be told you are controlling and everything apparently has to be your way. I wouldn't recommend it.
Titanwolf Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 It's best to take what anyone says about someone else, with a grain of salt. It's very easy to distort facts and become the victim. Eventually, time will tell, as it always does.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Just wondering if you had ever dated someone who told you their ex was controlling......and then they became controlling? Im interested to know if it was actually her who was the controlling one? or whether the result of the controlling relationship was for her to become controlling? Impossible to know. However, it is fairly common for someone who had a bad experience in a previous relationship to recreate that in the current relationship. For example, if your dating a woman who's ex cheated on her... it isn't outside the realm of possibilities that she would then cheat on you.
ChatroomHero Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I wonder if you talked to her ex if he actually would tell you she was controlling as hell. 1
mortensorchid Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I honestly have had a lot of ridiculous control issues with some guys. I don't know why they are like this. Some I have been the wimp with - let them take command and let them be the dominating force. They say "I will do whatever you want", let me be the planner/dominator, and then they hate me for it. Others, you do what they want you to do, they are still as angry with you as if you have defied them (or vice versa). What is it that they want? I have no idea. Contradictions, that's all it is.
ja123 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 (edited) I had my ex say I was controlling despite her wanting everything done her way down to how the towels were folded. I once did 12 loads of laundry in a day for her and her kids to be nice while she was at work-none of my laundry-and she bitched about how I folded towels. I'm pretty laid back, if anything I am too passive. She had ways in her mind of how everything should be done. In fact I would ask her input about a project around the house multiple times and she would say she didn't care, I could do it however I wanted to do it and then without fail everytime would say, "I didn't know you were going to do it like that" or had some general complaint like after I started something she decided she was going to invite people over and was mad I started working on the house before she decided that. When we moved in the furniture was how she wanted it in every room. I put dishes away and she pulled everything out and changed it. She didn't want me to have a night stand or a dresser in our bedroom even though her dresser was completely full and the night stand was on her side of the bed so I would have to roll over her to shut off my alarm every morning. She later was mad and told me every room in the house was mine and my way to which I was dumbfounded. When we moved I moved my stuff about an hour faster than I expected and told her I was coming with all of my friends (who were only available a short time that day) 45 minutes early and she was p*ssed because she said she wasn't ready and that I had told her I thought I would be there at 11, like moving is an exact science. (Who packs an entire house and garage full of furniture and kids stuff in 45 minutes anyway?) All I can tell you is it is maddening unless you are a total pushover and she may well continue to say you are controlling when she gets her way every time. You feel like you are giving up everything and have no real say to be told you are controlling and everything apparently has to be your way. I wouldn't recommend it. Sounds like my grandmother ... who many moons later was dignosed with histronic/narcisstic personlity disorder. Her husband, my grandfather, died young of stomach cancer. He took a lot of her sh*t; he'd spend the whole day painting a room and then she'd come in to shriek,"You missed a spot!" He took it until breaking point and then go binge drinking for days. He was a nasty drunk. Edited September 11, 2012 by ja123
Recommended Posts