sunman12345 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 hi everyone. iv just signed up and very new to something like this. i have recently met a girl who lives a plane ride away. its very short plane ride but obviously limits to time we spend together . we met each other for weekend visit with very little communication before hand . we completey clicked and she came to visit me two weeks later. on this visit we revealed to each other that we where falling in love together. we have since chatted and texted very intensely since and visited each other every two weeks apart from a boys holiday which i had planned before hand- this put a slight strain on things but came through the other end. we have chatted about relocating and we agreed that be better if she moved to me despite her having children at home, they are not infants the youngest is twelve . the childrens father would look after the children is the plan. when i read this back it all sounds so bizarre as i am not the type of person to be so irrational . we get on so well together and everything seems so natural. i realise it is a massive sommittment on her behalf and one i dont take lightly. the problem i feel is it sounds great when we talk but doesnt feel like we are getting anywere and im wondering is it a pipe dream.the problem is i have completely fallen for this girl! im cautious of pushing the issue as relaise its very delicate but i also dont want to be investing my time and love into something with no end goal. we are talking of a time frame of a few months to get things sorted although to me it seems that i bring up the topic and shes very happy to discuss but i can detect a lack of action on her behalf . im hoping that this is just the gravity of the situation and she finds it hard to breach the subject with kids etc. i never asked her to do this it was more her suggestion at first meeting.i worry that maybe this is just all talk on her behalf and dont want to get sucked into believing things and then being let down as i would be devastated even at this early stage. we were meant to meet her eldest who lives away from home at weekend just past to discuss things but it never happened for one reason or another and im wondering was this a deliberate attempt to put off on her behalf. i dont think anyone would talk this way but have no intention of going through unless they were a complete nut and i dont think she is. its at the stage now that i dont really want to bring it up anymore as dont want to pressurise but i cant go on the way we are . i get the impression if i dont bring it up she wont so dont know what to do? sometimes i get the feeling she backs off but she insists she loves me . im just wondering what to do in this situation . any advice would be most wecome
justwhoiam Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 You need to realize that there might be things that do not depend directly on her. She wanted to arrange a meeting with her eldest son, but the meeting hasn't taken place yet. Probably she's convincing her son to meet you? And he might not be looking forward to it? That's possible. All happened pretty fast it seems, and pressure wouldn't help. Be relaxed. I don't think leaving a son of 12 is a good thing. Do you really want that to happen? Try not to be selfish, and she will love you even more. Be at her side not on the other side. If you really want her, you can adapt yourself for 4 or 5 years and then spend the rest of your life with her.
Author sunman12345 Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 thanks for the reply . i never expected her to do something like that but it was her idea in the beginning and seemed very sure about it . i would never ask someone to do something like that . unfortunately i couldnt keep a long distance relationship going for a long period of time , i would just find it to hard going . i reckon as you say i should relax a bit but then in my eyes the relationship is going nowhere and perhaps i should rethink what i want out of the situation. perhaps she is one of these people that say things but dont follow through either way i dont want to be selfish and ask something of someone they dont want to do . confused now lol
justwhoiam Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 unfortunately i couldnt keep a long distance relationship going for a long period of time If that's your position, you're not in love. It also depends on what you think a long period of time is. If one year is too long, then it's not love. But if she's the one, you can set milestones, dates & goals. So you'd exactly know what happens by when. in my eyes the relationship is going nowhere and perhaps i should rethink what i want out of the situation. Again, the way you speak makes me think you're not in love. If you were, every cell in your body would tell you so. confused now lol Yeah, definitely.
TMichaels Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I don't think you're cut out to be in a LDR and I think it's a mistake for you to be in one. But TBH, I think the issue is larger than that. No matter what this woman has said about being willing to ditch her kids and move to your town so the two of you can be together, the reality of the situation is, it isn't that simple. How can she simply walk away and "let the father mind the children?" She's *their mother" FFS. Lets say for a moment that she could or did leave them at the curb like a bag of trash. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who basically has no problem putting the needs of her own flesh and blood second to her own? All that aside, I think you need to come to grips with the fact you're head over heels with someone who's simply *not available* -- no matter what she's said or plans the two of you have waxed poetic about. I think in your gut you already know that -- and actually I think she does too, which is why things aren't moving as fast as you thought they would when it comes to the issue of her actually leaving her children behind, upping sticks and moving to be with you. A lot of life is about timing. Had the two of you met in a different place and time, then things may well have been different, but you didn't. Despite how intoxicating an initial meeting and attraction can be, I think you two need to cop on to the reality of the situation, cut your losses before lasting damage is done to innocent parties that deserve better treatment than that, and move on. Best, TMichaels
Author sunman12345 Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 you may both be right . from what she tells me her situation with her kids is not your average one in terms of the kids pretty much come and go as they please with the youngest one splitting his time between his mothers and his fathers. i have stayed several times and it certainly isnt a scenario of how i was brought up however they are all great kids. i can only go from what she tells me in terms of what she isnt and is prepared to do. obviously i have talked to her about what a big move it would be and she understands that too . i think the best thing to do is talk to her about this . your right im not cut out for long distance relationship and we talked about this at the very start and either is she. i dont want to mess with a kids life which is why i would rather breach the subject now before we both get involved to deep and then cause hurt to all parties.
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