redraven Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 (edited) I guess this is me, ready to throw a hail mary and save a dying relationship. I feel like puking right now, I'm seated in a coffee shop, and I know in my bones that this girl I love and would do anything for, is uncertain about me. She does not know that I know, about her uncertainty regarding me. I'm in the tunnel right now, and there is only a sliver of light at the far corner of my vision. This is my question: How many times have any of you, women, been uncertain about a man and wanted to break up, not told him that, and then been surprised by that man, and decided to continue? If any. Are you still with that guy? And: give up and walk now? Or fight it out? I'm all for struggling to save this, regardless, I guess I just want to hear about somebody else, having difficulty, and then actually making it out of the struggle with a win. Stories of loss are also welcome. I guess I am just waiting for the last bomb to be thrown at me, and I guess this is one more "war" that I've already lost. Thanks Edited September 10, 2012 by redraven type-O
weallfalldown Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Right, so you know..... Not sure....is usually the red flag, Finish with her now my friend, save yourself from being tossed aside. DO It!
JayL Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Run! Trust me, I'm not clingy at all and I'm a go with the flow type of man, but if a girl says that, RUN! I just got out of my 1.5 months relationship with someone with roller coaster emotions. If someone's into you, you shouldn't have to play games. You and her both should feel the "want" to spend time with each other, not just one person. On the other hand, if her interest level isn't way up there and you feel that you need to work hard for it, then play the game, but again, when things get real, watch her interest level decrease over time and you're back to square one. You cannot play the game forever... 1
Arasae Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 How many times have any of you, women, been uncertain about a man and wanted to break up, not told him that, and then been surprised by that man, and decided to continue? If any. Are you still with that guy? Twice. The first time was early on when he wasn't being himself. The second was after I felt like he wasn't sure of ME. We are now happily engaged. It didn't take any dramatics or flowers or effort. He simply was himself; it was all he needed, and all you will need if it's meant to be. 1
todreaminblue Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I guess this is me, ready to throw a hail mary and save a dying relationship. I feel like puking right now, I'm seated in a coffee shop, and I know in my bones that this girl I love and would do anything for, is uncertain about me. She does not know that I know, about her uncertainty regarding me. I'm in the tunnel right now, and there is only a sliver of light at the far corner of my vision. This is my question: How many times have any of you, women, been uncertain about a man and wanted to break up, not told him that, and then been surprised by that man, and decided to continue? If any. Are you still with that guy? And: give up and walk now? Or fight it out? I'm all for struggling to save this, regardless, I guess I just want to hear about somebody else, having difficulty, and then actually making it out of the struggle with a win. Stories of loss are also welcome. I guess I am just waiting for the last bomb to be thrown at me, and I guess this is one more "war" that I've already lost. Thanks uncertainty is a given isnt it are there any certainties in love or life that couldnt change.If she is in love with you and loves you she will stick it out.In my opinion because i am going on my own experiences.I am always uncertain about a lot of things i dont give up easily once my heart is set.Nuclear war might stop me fro a little while.....i would eventually make my own fall out shelter ......and invite my uncertainty to stay in there with me, win him with my fall out shelter skills....lol.... i believe that women in love not only me would stick it out, love isn't about all good times and sunshine sometimes it gets dark and you struggle to see the light.....and confusing.....its a roller coaster....build a fall out shelter and wait for the radioactivity to go away..let her know you built it and it is perfect for uncertainty(radioactivity)...keep her close and don't distance yourself...i wish you luck in life and love and a kick ass shelter even though your post in all honesty made me sad..i had to try and make you smile....;0)...hugs ..im off now....smilin atcha ...... uncertainty has two letters in front of them that are no necessary in this phrase i give to you..... "In hope there is always certainty"...DEBORAH....from me to you.good luck and loads of hope.......deb
Author redraven Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 I dig all of you. I have spent all day yesterday, and the week previous, knowing in my bones that she has these doubts about me. It was rough, it still is. I woke up at 4am this morning, and she was still asleep; I busted out my lapitopi and typed away a few thoughts for the apocalypse. I just now read everyone's surprising replies, each interesting in their own way. I just got out of bed after laying there awake for a few hours. I straight up had dreamt about she and I last night, and couldn't go back to sleep. I told her I knew about her doubts, and she said of course that she didn't want to talk about it. I knew she'd say that, but why ****ing lie? I don't like to be passive aggressive and play games not saying what is on my mind. **** games, I want the truth. She didn't want to hash it out at 4:30 or whatever time it was. As I go tout of bed just now, she freaked out a little. She had gone back to sleep and was worried that I was going away, she wanted hugs and kisses before I got up to make coffee, and type stuff out, read the above written replies, etc. Last night we went to the public library, I wanted to renew my card. She took me over to the children's book section; a place I would never go as a man. We went there together, and she wanted me to read children's books to her... strange experience for me. We even checked out a few, and read them to each-other last night in bed, not at all in a kinky way. Earlier in the day yesterday, she wanted me to go to coffee with her nearby while she was on the job, to hang with her and the twin boys she nannies. It is weird for me to be around the little 19 month old dudes. I don't want to get ahead of myself anymore, and start thinking about women who do not want commitment... and then let my emo's get the better of me. I want that with her, and god-dammit.
all_hail_me Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 (edited) Hey redraven, yes, I have done this to a guy because I wasn't sure it was going to work. I hurt him badly through my own insecurities. We worked it out after I had some hardy advice on this forum - I had to decide whether I wanted to be with him or not, and stick with it. There is nothing more hurtful than being unsure of someone and letting things drag on. She obviously likes you but is having a hard time letting you in. Unfortunately in this circumstance, as my bf asked me, she needs to decide if she wants to be with you or not. An ultimatum needs to be made and a decision stuck to because doing this is going to lead to misery for both of you. Edited September 11, 2012 by all_hail_me
truth_seeker Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Hey redraven, yes, I have done this to a guy because I wasn't sure it was going to work. I hurt him badly through my own insecurities. We worked it out after I had some hardy advice on this forum - I had to decide whether I wanted to be with him or not, and stick with it. There is nothing more hurtful than being unsure of someone and letting things drag on. She obviously likes you but is having a hard time letting you in. Unfortunately in this circumstance, as my bf asked me, she needs to decide if she wants to be with you or not. An ultimatum needs to be made and a decision stuck to because doing this is going to lead to misery for both of you. What were your insecurities If I may ask.
Author redraven Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 I enjoy some of the points you've made, about her being confused, perhaps she is not confused at all. I don't want to be strung along, or have her trying to save my feelings and not just come out and say what she is thinking/feeling. We are each ultra-stubborn and anti-control. We look at ultimatums as negatives. That can't work, and I am too stubborn to give up. She has to break up with me, or cheat/treat me badly on purpose, else I wont quit. I can't walk away from her, she likely knows that about me. That cat is out of the bag. Not good, but the damage of her knowing that I won't leave is either good or bad for me: I'm just waiting to find out. The ball is in her court, all I can do is try.
all_hail_me Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 What were your insecurities If I may ask. I have major commitment issues and couldn't decide if being in a relationship was a good thing or not. I've always been jealous of my bf's & gf (singular) histories because I've always ended up in relationships rather than sow wild oats, etc. I'm a whole bag of laughs minus the jokes and I've made most peoples lives hell intentionally. Worst part though is I'm not doing that anymore, but that part of my prior personality tries to escape and cause havoc. And OP, it's up to you of course. Fair play to you if you're not willing to give up, but putting your hand into the fire usually ends up with it getting burned. Good luck.
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