LucyC Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 DON'T blame yourself! So many women dream of that: a man who wants to commit, who takes the relationship seriously. You did nothing wrong. Never blame yourself for being honest, expressing what you are really feeling and being who you are. One day, the right woman will appreciate this about you. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 I've realized last night after catching up with an old friend that I need to just let this go. It's a simple fact that her and I were just not on the same page in life. A simple fact that our personalities just don't click together. I'm a proper type of guy who grew up in a "disciplined" environment. On the other hand, her type is the opposite, hence she always complained that "I'm too proper, polite, respectful etc", which from her point of view is a sign of weakness and is a turn off. Eitherway, she won't fulfill my needs and it won't last. I need more, she can only give less, hence I felt neglected. She needs less from me, but I've been giving more, hence she feels suffocated. I want a relationship, she doesn't. This break up basically saved me from a prolonged torture and deeper heartache down the road. It's quite obvious that she just wanted casual and while I did want casual for awhile to get to know each other better, her and I having sex within the first 2 weeks just killed the natural flow of things. It may have been my mistake for going too fast and failing to step on the brakes, but she gave consent to having sex and in fact initiated the first time we did it.... as in undressed me while making out. Instead of pushing me back, she pulled me right in. It was not a one time situation either, but twice a week. I'll go find someone who wants the same things as I do and someone who can accept and appreciate me for being "me".... that's the solution... plenty out there. My female friend I was with last night was one, except she's in the friends zone for me. In the end, she's a great girl and I truly appreciate her trying to "want" a relationship even though she originally didn't want to be in one. Thanks for all the advice people. I really appreciate it. Hi JayL. Good for you that you figured this out, and sorry that you had to go through all that heartache. Went through something similar, and I am now convinced that anyone who does not give me a firm "yes" answer to the commitment issue and walk their talk is not worth my time, because they are just lazy/not interested/don't want obligations/want to have their cake and eat it too. Good luck in your search. Know that there are women out there (like myself! haha) who are interested in and looking for a proper, committed relationship, and not just a No-strings-attached "let's have fun together" arrangement.
NoMoreJerks Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 The red flag for me was she has been single for 5 years... what normal female lasts 5 years with no relationship and was content to just have F buddies throughout 5 years and not feel bad about herself?... I'm wondering if she treated me as just another F buddy with boyfriend status in her 5 1/2 years of being single... Well, to be fair, not necessarily.. I'm 29, and I've only had 1 relationship, and that lasted for 3 months... Doesn't mean I don't want it. If anything, my break-up with my ex was mostly about ME wanting him to commit, and him refusing to do so. There can be many reasons why someone is single for 5 years. In her case, given her commitment problems, sure, it's a red flag. But not in all cases.
Author JayL Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 We'll see.... I'm giving up dating.... I've decided to focus on my career and myself... If she comes, then she comes...if not.. oh well... maybe not meant for me... I at least won't have to deal with anymore BS. Just me, myself and I.
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