kodiak Posted July 22, 2004 Posted July 22, 2004 THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ACTUALLY POSTING HERE BUT READING ALL THE OTHER POSTS HAVE HELPED ME SO MUCH WITH MY SITUATION. I WILL TRY TO KEEP THIS AS SHORT AS POSSIBLE, BUT I COULD USE ALL THE HELP I CAN GET. ANYWAYS MY GIRLFRIEND OF TEN MONTHS BROKE UP WIT ME LAST MONTH. I KNOW THAT 10 MONTHS IS NOT LONG, HOWEVER I HAVE NEVER BEEN CLOSER TO ANYONE LIKE THIS EVER BEFORE. WE WERE DOING A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP AND FOR BEING OVER 300 MILES AWAY FROM EACH OTHER, WE SAW EACH OTHER PRETTY MUCH EVERY OTHER WEEK. THE TIME WE SPENT TOGTHER WAS UNBELIEVABLE AND WE ENJOYED EACH OTHERS COMPANY VERY MUCH. HOWEVER WHENEVER I WOULD GO HOME I WOULD START TO GET INSECURE. I HAVE ISSUES FROM THE PAST THAT CAUSED THIS. I KNOW THAT WHEN WE WERE AWAY FROM EACH OTHER SHE HAD HER OWN LIFE TO LIVE AND I HAD TO ACCEPT THAT. HOWEVER I WOULD BEGIN TO CALL HER ALOT WHEN SHE WAS OUT WITH HER FREINDS AND SO FORTH. I KINDA WOULD LOOSE CONTROL SOMETIMES AND WE WOULD GET IN FIGHTS BECAUSE I WOULD CALL HER. SHE BEGAN TO FEEL THAT I DIDNT TRUST HER. THE TRUTH IS THAT IN MY HEART I DID , BUT I FELT THAT I WOULD LOOSE HER. I FELT THAT I HAD TO GO THE EXTRA MILE TO MAKE SURE THAT SHE WOULD STAY WITH ME. A WEEK AFTER I CAME BACK FROM SEEING HER IS WHEN WE BROKE UP. THIS LAST VISIT I HAD WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE BEST. WE WERE VERY INTIMATE, AND SHE TOLD ME HOW HAPPY SHE WAS THAT I DECIDED TO COME OUT. I NEVER FELT SO LOVED BY HER. ANYWAYS WHEN I CAME BACK I STARTED WITH THIS STUPID INSECURITES AND SHE FINALLY SNAPPED. SHE SAID THAT SHE STILL LOVED ME AND LOVED ME LIKE A BOYFRIEND BUT THAT THE RELATIONSHIP WAS NOT MAKING HER HAPPY RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE OF MY INSECURITIES. SHE SAID THAT "I CAN NOT GET THROUGH MY HEAD THAT I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO BE WITH YOU" AND NOMATTER WHAT I DO OR HOW MANY TIMES SHE TELLS ME I STILL CANT GET IT". SO THAT WAS IT. I ASKED HER IF SHE MET SOMEONE ELSE AND SHE SAID "THAT IS THE REASON WHY THIS RELATIONSHIP IS NOT WORKING RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE I DO NOT TRUST HER" I LOVE THIS GIRL DEEPLY. MY FAMILY LOVES HER AND HER FAMILY ADORES ME AND THINKS THAT I AM ONE OF THE BEST THINGS THAT HAS HAPPENED TO HER. I MADE ALOT OF EFFORT TO MAKE HER HAPPY AND MOST OF THE TIME I DID. SHE AGREEDED THAT I DID MAKE HER HAPPY AND I AM EVERYTHING THAT SHE WANTS IN A BOYFRIEND, BUT SHE CANT HANDLE THE STRESS I HAVE BEEN PUTTING ON HER WITH MY INSECURITIES. AT FIRST WE TALKED ALOT AFTERWARDS BUT IT GOT TO TOUGH FOR ME SO I TOLD HER THAT I CANT BE FRIENDS. SHE GOT UPSET WIT THIS BUT I HAVNT TRIED TO CONTACT HER SINCE. I NEED ADVICE. SHOULD I LET HER GO AND NOT CALL HER? I MISS HER SO MUCH AND SOMETIMES THE PAIN IS UNBEARABLE. EACH DAY OF NO CONTACT HURTS SO MUCH BUT I KNOW THAT EITHER I WILL GET OVER HER OR MAYBE SHE WILL MISS ME. EITHER WAY ITS A WIN WIN SITUATION. NEED SOME IDEAS, THANKS EVERYBODY.
dyermaker Posted July 22, 2004 Posted July 22, 2004 Capital letters are bad, and yes--keep with the no contact. Do you have anything that you do, and you do well? Some sort of hobby or passion outside of her?
Author kodiak Posted July 23, 2004 Author Posted July 23, 2004 thanks for the advice regarding the no-contact. two weeks since we have talked on the phone and for awhile after that i was sending her text messages from time to time. she replied to a couple but since that i have stopped all conatct. To answer your question i do have alot of hobbies but i find myself constantly pinning over my ex and not allowing myself to have fun and enjoy my time. you see one of my biggest problems was that i allowed my relationship to consume me and depended on her to make my day happy. stupid huh? Now that i do not have her around, i feel so alone and empty. It seems kinda extreme considering it was a LDR. I am just so confused. How does someone show so much love for you one minute then decide that they dont want to be in a relationship with you the next, even though we both love each other very much. So i ahve questions for anyone that can help me. 1.) just because my ex doesnt call me, does that mean she doesnt miss me? 2.) do couples break up for more than a few months and get back together? 3.) should i give myself a deadline to see if she calls and then call her and put some final closure on things,if she doesnt reach out to call me? If there is anybody out there that can share a good story of a LDR working out after a breakup let me know. I can use a hopefull story right about now. I dont want to hold onto hope, but when you find somebody that you truly love so much, it is kinda hard. thanks everybody!!!
greenie Posted July 23, 2004 Posted July 23, 2004 LD relationships are hard. The space just makes it too easy for stuff to happen. I tried it, but invariably one of you will like the other one more, and you can't see them for x amount of time, an d you start going insane with jealousy and insecurity because , "What the hell is she doing right now?" Go out with someone local. Consider it a life lesson from someone older than you.
Author kodiak Posted July 23, 2004 Author Posted July 23, 2004 Thanks greenie for the reply. I know that LDR are very hard and more than likely they dont work out. Its especially hard for me in this situation because probably for the first 7 months of the relationship she was the one that seemed to like me more. Dont get me wrong i liked this girl, but she was the first to say "i love you" and the first to say that " im afraid but i think that i have totally fallen inlove with you". Then i started to get very close and truly fell inlove with her and things were great. She is everything that i ever dreamed of in a girlfriend, and thats were i started to feel insecure. I felt that it was too good to be true. My insecurities are what drove her away!! I wish that i could tell her that in my heart that i always did trust her but i know the way i acted sometimes i never showed it. My last girlfriend lied to me constantly, cheated on me with a friend of mine, and more. This is were my insecurites started and i could not get rid of them. Before my most recent ex broke up with me, i decided to see a therapist to help me with this problem. I never told my ex because i was ashamed and i felt that she would think that it was weird. If only i had done that earlier i would have or could have saved my relationship. I have so much to offer this girl and treated her better than any boyfriend she has ever had. She used to tell me this often. I am still seeing this therapist and when i finally told me ex about this a week after the break up she cried. I dont know how many guys would do this to save a relationship of 10 months, but she was worth every session and every dollar i spent. I have learned so much from my therapist and how to deal with the thoughts that race through my head and the stuff that i make up. I kinda feel like my ex gave up on me in a way. My mom always told me that if you truly love someone you want them to be happy. I can honestly say that if i wasnt making her happy i want her to find someone that can. A question for any girls out there on this site. If your boyfriend went to see a therapist because he realized that he had issues and wanted to work on them to fix his relationship, what would you thin of him? Each day that i dont hear from hear gets better and better. i try to hold myself together but sometimes i just break down. It sucks! But i hope that either i can hold her in my arms again one day or that by doing no contact, maybe she will miss me. I was very good to her and i loved her with everything i had. i hope one day she sees this. Thanks everybody for reading
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