mcintyrek Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Alright everyone, I am having a slight issue here and hopefully someone can give me some further insight: I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 months now. I am 20, he's 22, and we met on an online dating site. He goes to the Virginia Military Institute, planning on going into the Navy as a Chaplain and I live in Richmond which is only two hours away studying to be a wedding planner. He's originally from Georgia. Well, things have been great in our relationship ever since the beginning except with his mother. You see, my boyfriend's dad has a case of early-onset Alzheimers and is almost in stage 7. It has taken a severe toll on his family naturally especially his mother. Well, about 3 months into our relationship, his mother started acting strange around my boyfriend and I. I have met her a few times now and spent a week with them in Georgia. When I was there, I was ignored and cast out. In the beginning, she was all gun hoe for us and now she thinks I am manipulative, possessive, immature, overreactive, a monopolizer, a liar (she took someone's words out of context) and insists that my boyfriend and I aren't in love. Now my boyfriend is the first born and I am his first girlfriend. His current situation along with these facts have created the perfect storm since he was never a rebellious teenager, however he does stick up for me and defends me. I have been nothing but polite, courteous, sweet, and well-mannered and she has insulted me and my family as well. My boyfriend plans of confronting her soon, and I have cut communication with her and the family for now because it causes emotional strain and I don't see her often at all, but my boyfriend and I agree that his mother is emotionally compromised due to her current situation and her son leaving the house. However, that gives me no right to critize me and ask her son to give up everything for her. She calls him incompetent and makes him feel incredibly guilty. I know this sounds like the average MIL v. girlfriend story, but I wish someone would give me a bit of advice. I come from a Christian family and he does to, but this is not how people act to each other. I am asking for mutual respect, not to be best friends. Thank you for letting me vent.
bluegreen Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 What I have learned from my own example except its my so called mommy is following : Ones like them have always been what they so gladly accuse others bitches on wheels they just had no reason until that moment to take of their masks. It won't change doll am sorry to say it will become worse and his dad's illness its just excuse or trigger but all in all it does not make a difference she b... decided to show her true colors or had a reason to and its here not its either stand up to hear and expect to bleed and be torn to shreds or run and leave your boyfriend. She will fight dirty cause that what type like her is inside there will be black mail guilt few I'll just die or you will be cause of my death threats maybe even as far as disowning him as for you no ugly name or trick will be spared to your face or behind why am I scaring you am not doll and am so sorry it will happen am telling you as I said from my own experience how this will go cause I went trough it and am still going. I hope he is strong enough to be left standing after all of this and I hope You will be capable of spending life with him and accepting this situation even when she gives up she will hate your guts and you will know that ...
bluegreen Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 PS : She considers your boy "hers' in her sick mind it how it should be how its right and no one will take his love for her and her in 1 place from his life. With his dad gone she will be like a leach or vampire if she could she would crawl in bed with you or raise hell so he does not end up spending night in yours. Again speaking from experience it took me 10 years until I saw this and such vicious battle to establish some boundaries that it does not bear explaining as I said she had always thought this it just did not became necessary for her to show it until YOU the threat came along but am sure she calls you worse. Once again am sorry for scaring you or being so blunt but if you know this maybe just maybe you will be better prepared to fight the b... and keep what's yours ...
2sure Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 She is losing her husband and there is nothing she can do about it. Now, she is to her...losing her son and probably sensitive to her lack of control. Continue to do what you are doing. She may feel better if her son were to take some one on one time with her here and there...and if she is negative about you he can say...Mom, it hurts me and makes we want to create distance when you don't respect my relationship. She needs to stop feeling threatened. 2
justwhoiam Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 He needs to talk to her and be pretty clear that she should not feel in competition with you. If that fails and she is religious, he might ask the local priest to talk to her and let her reason, making her understand that her current behavior is anything but Christian. That might work because she would have some third party to talk to and vent out.
bluegreen Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Make that catholic one and maybe he will be able to preform excoriation
justwhoiam Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 "Preform excoriation".....? Yeah. I was wondering about that too. What does that mean? Maybe "preform" is just a typo for "perform", still, I don't get it.
TaraMaiden Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 "excoriation" just means to scratch.... Oh, never mind.....
justwhoiam Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 "excoriation" just means to scratch.... Oh, never mind..... It can have some figurative meaning, but I'm not sure what she meant here
bluegreen Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 Gosh how refreshing ( not ) that I managed to steal a spot light My key board froze Exorcism was the word meant to be used here OK i'll go even farther and be good sport and laugh at myself along with you but hopefully that will conclude all of this and we will return at the issue here. PS : And yes English is not my primary language but a learned one ...
TaraMaiden Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I genuinely didn't fully understand what you meant. But if exorcism is the answer here, then millions of mothers-in-Law had better start worrying. Thanks for being good humoured... and at least we know what excoriation is now!!
bluegreen Posted September 12, 2012 Posted September 12, 2012 I tried to make poor girl laugh after scaring her half to death but burned once twice careful afterwards and yes usually am good sport about my mistakes when am typing fast or feel about something passionately and strongly look out. Well I might write it down myself although in healthcare I did not even know that word myself how so well we did not get so far in studies YET .
Author mcintyrek Posted September 12, 2012 Author Posted September 12, 2012 *chuckles* I appreciate the answers. Truly I do. As I said, my boyfriend is planning to speak with her, but it is difficult to catch her since he is at VMI with classes, sports, chaplain stuff and when he calls she doesn't answer much. He can't spend time with her because he's in Virginia and his mom is in Georgia, kinda hard to do that. Not making excuses here and by no means do I mean disrespect. I might suggest a chaplain to my boyfriend and maybe he can speak with her about it when she comes up next month. I believe that my boyfriend will set things straight. I like her I really do, but her behavior is outrageous. Kill her with kindness and be civil has what I have been told and take the high road. My boyfriend says he wants to be with me and will do what is necessary. 1
bluegreen Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Good for you although even saint would be sore tempted to just wring her neck ( figuratively ) speaking of course and if you manage to kill her with kindness and save our sanity health and relationship you will have all my respect heck not only mine whole forum's. Sorry to sound so negative and cynical but I never read or heard of one woman-man managing that you will suffer doll and pay high price for loving him but hopefully he is worth it once that thing happens its war on until you move to India they die or you break up marriage or relationship ...
Author mcintyrek Posted September 23, 2012 Author Posted September 23, 2012 Well *laughs* it's war alright, and lets just say I am on the winning side here. Not only do I have my boyfriend's favor, but everyone else's as well. Your cynical comments don't bother me at all, they are just opinions and advice and I thank you for them. It seems that she won't be interfering with us, though my boyfriend has expressed that if she tries, he is going to have a serious issue. (Like not speaking to her permanently or interacting with her at all) I am not saying that is healthy, but he knows whats best for him and he now knows that she is emotionally compromised and whatever she says will be used against him in a court of mom. So, thanks for all your feedback.
darkmoon Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 steer clear of her cuz she isn't nice to you, wriggle away from her by being busy with church life
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