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Is it dangerous to have really good looking friends when you have a signifcant other?

PJKino

By PJKino
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xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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ok because you always hear women ae visual but arent as visual as men and they dont get overly horny just looking at good looking guys like the way men do but i never bought into that

 

Not always visual. Could be something he did or said that "sparked" something for me.

 

Sometimes it is visual :D

SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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Not always visual. Could be something he did or said that "sparked" something for me.

 

Sometimes it is visual :D

 

ok that was my next question was this guy so overly hot that you got turned on or was it his personality that turned you on?

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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ok that was my next question was this guy so overly hot that you got turned on or was it his personality that turned you on?

 

I can't separate them. If he turns me on, I think he's HOT!

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PJKino Established Member

PJKino

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I wouldnt be too happy if my girlfriend or wife told me she masturbated or got wet thinking of my good friend i think its a little disrespectful and dangerous imo but to each his own i guess

SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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I can't separate them. If he turns me on, I think he's HOT!

 

Meaning if hes good looking youre turned on period or if you fidn a guys aura or personality sexy you think hes hot reagrdless of if hes sterotypically "hot" or good looking

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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I wouldnt be too happy if my girlfriend or wife told me she masturbated or got wet thinking of my good friend i think its a little disrespectful and dangerous imo but to each his own i guess

 

Getting wet isn't really a choice, so how is it disrespectful?

 

Or is it the telling that is disrespectful?

 

From my H's pov, he married a very horny woman....and he likes me that way :D If some of that spills over and responds to other men, he's fine with that, because he knows he turns me on the most, and gets all my sexual attention.

 

Meaning if hes good looking youre turned on period or if you fidn a guys aura or personality sexy you think hes hot reagrdless of if hes sterotypically "hot" or good looking

 

The latter.

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ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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Getting wet isn't really a choice, so how is it disrespectful?

 

Or is it the telling that is disrespectful?

 

From my H's pov, he married a very horny woman....and he likes me that way :D If some of that spills over and responds to other men, he's fine with that, because he knows he turns me on the most, and gets all my sexual attention.

 

 

 

The latter.

And I bet that your husband is far from jealous about that. And I bet that the fact that he isn't jealous about that is what makes him even more attractive to you.

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HopelessRomantic76 Established Member

HopelessRomantic76

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Getting wet isn't really a choice, so how is it disrespectful?

 

Or is it the telling that is disrespectful?

 

From my H's pov, he married a very horny woman....and he likes me that way :D If some of that spills over and responds to other men, he's fine with that, because he knows he turns me on the most, and gets all my sexual attention.

 

 

 

The latter.

 

Same here my ex's good friend was very sweet and protective of me and it turned me on :love:

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xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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And I bet that your husband is far from jealous about that. And I bet that the fact that he isn't jealous about that is what makes him even more attractive to you.

 

100% correct!

 

No guy could replace him, not even close. I'm no fool!

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SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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Same here my ex's good friend was very sweet and protective of me and it turned me on :love:

 

Women really get turned on by that?

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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Women really get turned on by that?

 

Protectiveness from a man is like a jolt to my groin :love:

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ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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100% correct!

 

No guy could replace him, not even close. I'm no fool!

Kung Fu Joe mentioned in another thread that he and his wife both openly admit to each other that they are attracted to other people, and that it makes their marriage and sex life much healthier as a result.

 

This is how you deal with these things IMO, communication is oh so important, and spicing that communication up can only be a good things.

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Just thinking about how many women in our social circle most married or at least in relationships flirt with my real good looking friend even if there isnt bad intentions there its awkward..

 

I just think when you have a good friend whos really good looking and youre with him or her a lot as is your husband wife or whatever then it could be dangeorus because when you combine being physically attracted to someone and then forming a friendship/bond things could get interesting especially with alcohol..

 

I know if a person is a good person with itnegrity thyey wont cheat and blah blah blah but i think at least the temptation can be very high and at the very least you might get thoughts or fantasies when a person is around a person thy are physically attracted to and bond or form a connection with

 

 

not if you are in love and love someone .....this is where it gets weird for me .......i have been in a relationship and i have no interest in any guy other than my partner but i am friendly and guys will take it they can try....i shoot them down nicely but.....what do you class as flirting....i would like to know from a males perspective in fact i think ill start a thread because this confuses me.....i hav eno idea what men perceive as flirting...still would like your answer though..deb

SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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Protectiveness from a man is like a jolt to my groin :love:

 

Do u ever playfully flirt with your husbands friend?

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Kung Fu Joe mentioned in another thread that he and his wife both openly admit to each other that they are attracted to other people, and that it makes their marriage and sex life much healthier as a result.

 

This is how you deal with these things IMO, communication is oh so important, and spicing that communication up can only be a good things.

 

 

In all honesty that would hurt me i wouldn't show it and I have had this happen.In a committed relationship I think admitting you are attracted to othrs is damaging to the self esteem of a female and probably a male too.Dont know i am not a male.I believe in honesty the only time I did something wrong in a an LTR I was in a hospital and I kissed a guy a guy who was extremely sick himself I felt so guilty after I asked my friends and family what i should do they said just dont tell him....(he had cheated on me and was not honest all through that ltr)

i told him what i had done that same night i had gotten advice to do other wise.......so i believe in honesty.....but openly talking about attraction if i happens constantly i dont understand it because it seems to make it ok to feel sexually attracted to someone else........and really its not...not in an invested relationship...deb

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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Do u ever playfully flirt with your husbands friend?

 

In mixed company, we all flirt and banter a bit. No more or less for any particular man, regardless of attraction.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Kung Fu Joe mentioned in another thread that he and his wife both openly admit to each other that they are attracted to other people, and that it makes their marriage and sex life much healthier as a result.

 

This is how you deal with these things IMO, communication is oh so important, and spicing that communication up can only be a good things.

 

 

Same with my partner, I think open and honest communication is key... And I think even the most in love couples can see and even enjoy looking at very attractive people. It is natural to enjoy looking at attractive people.

...My partner tells me if a girl if hot, and mentions it to me, though he does not say it ALL the time with every hot girl that walks past.

It is an unspoken thing where I KNOW he checks out most hot girls.

... I have talked to him about it, and he says that he does not imagine the all naked, or having sex with him; he just looks at them, and gets a "nice" feeling from observing a women that is attractive. That is all.

 

Just something like "she is fit, I like fit girls, your hot too babe, your doing great with your workouts lately"

 

Or " she's hot, you should wear dresses more like that, you would look great"

 

Or sometimes he will ask me if I find her attractive. I have a thing where I am interested in finding girls with big, nice bottoms:o haha I like big butts on girls, to look at. We both seek out girls with ncie bottoms and gtell each other when we see them:o

......it is absurd to expect a guy who is in love to forgo any sexual thoughts about other women. Of course even the most loving guy is going to LOOK at attractive women. He is with you for a loving partner ship, not to have to chain down NATURAL, healthy thoughts about attractive people.

....Part of being in a healthy relationship is accepting there are risks, and accepting that they love you despite still appreciating very good looking people.

It is natural and healthy to check out attractive people.

 

 

 

 

.....And on another topic, yes I do talk sexually to his friends. About sex and related material. I do not talk this way to every person, but I am a very sexual girl, and enjoy talking about sex and relationships.

What we both have with our partners is solid and not afflicted by harmless sexual talk with others.

darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

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Thats a little harsh.

It would not worry me, if my wife/gf found others attractive. I'm not delusional. I've found the friends of my gf's hot, but never lost my head over them. I dont mind if a gf gets a self esteem boost out of having guys hit on her.

 

Do you trust your husband/bf?

From the past couple of posts of yours I get the impression, you actually might avoid inviting any of your attractive friends or potential new attractive friends into your married/social life, so as not to tempt your SO.

 

this is the question to hand -

is it dangerous to have really good looking friends when you have a signifcant other?

 

if the friend is single...mm...look, tbh, I've seen this go wrong - for real - in others people's lives, and I've been asked not to show my tits to a freind's husband, they're H size-cup, (I was in a low-cut top, and leaning forward by mistake) I am cautious and cynical because even good famly freinds can become disloyal, but I can see harmless banter in happy marriages, because people here showed it to me, but the poster who is asking is worried, s/he will take what s/he wants from the discussion, I learn by others' mistakes, you could say, too, my mother was permanently mortified over my dad flitrting with waitresses, when they were a young couple, so I see the pain it brings, and mom was an attractive woman, but hurt

Edited by darkmoon
SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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I wouldnt be too happy if my girlfriend or wife told me she masturbated or got wet thinking of my good friend i think its a little disrespectful and dangerous imo but to each his own i guess

 

Women are wired differently they dont have the same honor and loyalty code with freinds that Men do

 

Some of my friends have good looking wives but they are like my sisters i dont look at em in a sexual way at all its just disrespectful to me

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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Women are wired differently they dont have the same honor and loyalty code with freinds that Men do

 

Some of my friends have good looking wives but they are like my sisters i dont look at em in a sexual way at all its just disrespectful to me

I would say that there is a certain level of honor that men have indeed, but I don't think it's exclusive to men first of all, and furthermore, just because you view your friend's wives as sisters, doesn't mean another man will. I also question whether women really have less loyalty, as I've known many disloyal men in my short time on this planet that make me question that. Sometimes that disloyalty is displayed over women rather ironically.

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SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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I would say that there is a certain level of honor that men have indeed, but I don't think it's exclusive to men first of all, and furthermore, just because you view your friend's wives as sisters, doesn't mean another man will. I also question whether women really have less loyalty, as I've known many disloyal men in my short time on this planet that make me question that. Sometimes that disloyalty is displayed over women rather ironically.

 

Obviously not every women is the same nor man i think most people in general are pretty self absorbed and out for themslves im just saying as a whole women seem to be more gossipy backstabbing and cutthroat with friends as opposed to Men

 

Ie also seen way more women hit on their mans single friends then vice versa for whatever reason..i dont know if u want to say thats lack of loyalty or the fact women dont have to deal with the same physical repricussiosn a man might for doing that plus they can hide behind the flirting is a innocent feminine thing..

KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

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Kung Fu Joe mentioned in another thread that he and his wife both openly admit to each other that they are attracted to other people, and that it makes their marriage and sex life much healthier as a result.

 

This is how you deal with these things IMO, communication is oh so important, and spicing that communication up can only be a good things.

 

I just wanted to clarify that we aren't attracted to other people such as friends or people we see off the street. It's more limited to celebrities and always in a joking manner...for example, I love Scarlett Johansen (my wife does too actually) and I might say something about if she offered to have sex with me, I would be forced to comply. Always jokingly. As far as actual "oh man I want her/him"...doesn't happen. Not because we don't want to say it out loud...because it just doesn't happen. We are so devoted to each other, no one else even seems to matter regardless of how good they look.

 

I always use this line to describe how I feel about my wife...and I've told her this many times: She's my best friend. And she's also the girl, that when I go to a club, I want to take home and **** her brains out all night long.

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Jane2011 Established Member

Jane2011

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To the OP, I've always had this problem because my whole life I've had, for whatever reason, good-looking friends. It's downright annoying, really, that so many of my good girl friends are amazingly pretty/tall/slim/smart/congenial, etc. I basically just did/do my share of worrying when it comes time to have them meet a guy I'm dating.

 

My solution of late, though, is to just completely surrender to it. That is, I could worry a lot and be biting my fingernails about every meet-up, etc. Or I could worry 'a little' and be biting my fingernails a bit less but still be biting them. Or, I could just say "f-ck it, let the chips fall where they may, I'm not going to worry about it."

 

I pretty much do the third.

 

To give an example: A really good-looking female friend of mine (who's in a relationship, but I still worry about the effect she could have on guys I'm dating) recently expressed interest in meeting the new guy I'm seeing, attending a certain group that he coordinates (she said she would go with me). Since I've decided not to be this jealous, possessive, worry wart, I said, "Yeah, that sounds great. And even if I can't make it, you should still go to it. It doesn't have to be with me. " In other words, I'm saying she should even be around him without me.

 

If he falls for her in any way, he's not really that into me anyway. (I don't think that will happen, but if it did, that would be fine. I'm not going to spend my life worrying about guys I'm with loving/falling for my friends.)

Edited by Jane2011
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