Is it dangerous to have really good looking friends when you have a signifcant other?

[PJKino]

Just thinking about how many women in our social circle most married or at least in relationships flirt with my real good looking friend even if there isnt bad intentions there its awkward..

 

I just think when you have a good friend whos really good looking and youre with him or her a lot as is your husband wife or whatever then it could be dangeorus because when you combine being physically attracted to someone and then forming a friendship/bond things could get interesting especially with alcohol..

 

I know if a person is a good person with itnegrity thyey wont cheat and blah blah blah but i think at least the temptation can be very high and at the very least you might get thoughts or fantasies when a person is around a person thy are physically attracted to and bond or form a connection with

Edited September 10, 2012 by PJKino

[ThaWholigan]

Everybody deals with temptation to some degree, it all depends on how each individual reacts to it.

 

The key issue is trust. If you trust your friend and your SO as well as their ability to handle temptation (or if they even find each other attractive) then you may believe you have nothing to worry about.

 

A friend of mine did in fact have sex with his other friend's fianceé, a turbulent affair it was too. But there were other dynamics in play here - the other friend was cheating on his SO himself, as well as the fact that he also displayed a similar level of distrust to the both of them, and that mistrust almost played a part in forcing the two together.

 

Sometimes that mistrust or cynicism carries an energy that can provide a catalyst to some actions, especially something as emotionally charged as temptation and latent attraction.

[SteveC80]

As someone whos been in the awkward postion of a friends wife hitting on me id say yes..women are soulmate/bond/connection junkies and could easily sawy in love/lust if the physical and connection is there especially if alcohol is involved

[KungFuJoe]

Depend on the person and the strength of the relationship.

[darkmoon]

i think it's asking for trouble and that the "attractive" freind should dress down in a plain/non-showy oufit - or play with fire at your peril

[KungFuJoe]

i think it's asking for trouble and that the "attractive" freind should dress down in a plain/non-showy oufit - or play with fire at your peril

 

Is this a joke? If your partner is going to stray you think telling your friend to wear sweat pants is going to make an ounce of difference?

[darkmoon]

Is this a joke? If your partner is going to stray you think telling your friend to wear sweat pants is going to make an ounce of difference?

 

I think the freind should turn up in sweat pants from the get-go

I have seen it done by a self-desctibed "family friend" who stole the husband

Too, on here, LS, a dancer, another of those "friends" turns up as the villain in the eyes if the wife who has watched her husband fall in love due to her revealing clothing and her "silly" ways (much adored and desctibed so by the husband)

 

there's a time and a place for dressing up and the same for dessing down

I might visit you in a mini-skirt...

[Titanwolf]

Perhaps, but then they would be doing you a favour. It's like having an auto-filter for weak women, or better yet "opportunists" to keep it PC.

[KungFuJoe]

I think the freind should turn up in sweat pants from the get-go

I have seen it done by a self-desctibed "family friend" who stole the husband

Too, on here, LS, a dancer, another of those "friends" turns up as the villain in the eyes if the wife who has watched her husband fall in love due to her revealing clothing and her "silly" ways (much adored and desctibed so by the husband)

 

there's a time and a place for dressing up and the same for dessing down

I might visit you in a mini-skirt...

 

Again. It does not matter.

 

You gonna put a family filter on the tv so he can't watch movies that might have attractive women? Are you going to cover his eyes when you go to the beach so he doesn't see women in bikins?

 

We're talking about grown adults here. If I had to worry about my partner cheating on me with my friends I wouldn't be with her.

[darkmoon]

Again. It does not matter.

 

You gonna put a family filter on the tv so he can't watch movies that might have attractive women? Are you going to cover his eyes when you go to the beach so he doesn't see women in bikins?

 

We're talking about grown adults here. If I had to worry about my partner cheating on me with my friends I wouldn't be with her.

 

what is your partner's view on this? seriously

the queston posted about this was about attractive friends

on the beach or TV, the women are not accessible

in the way that a visitor and freind is

 

so would your partner mind if you fancied her attractive freind and the freind happened to fancy you,

and, like the dancer I told you about, she didn't give a **** about your wife/partner?

Edited September 10, 2012 by darkmoon

[gaius]

It's way more dangerous to have a friend that has an authority dynamic over you. Like if you have a guy that treated you like a little brother growing up you probably don't want to keep him around much.

[KungFuJoe]

what is your partners view on this? seriously

 

I'm absolutely and utterly devoted to my wife. She knows this and trusts me completely. I would never cheat on her. I've had women come up to me and try to kiss me and I've stopped them...even though I could have gotten away with it.

 

We both trust each other completely. We've done guys only/girls only Vegas trips (though not often because we prefer to go together) and there has never been a single fight over what "might" have happened.

 

There just isn't any real jealousy between us other than the normal "so and so is checking you out" kinda deal.

 

My best female friend is a very attractive woman who admitted to my wife that she used to want to be with me back before I was with my wife. This was after a lot of drinking and talking. You would think my wife would be pissed or want me to stop being friends with her. Nope. My wife didn't even bat an eye.

 

My wife's best friend is a former Low Rider model...and she wears the most ridiculously revealing outfits whenever we go out to clubs or bars. I'm friends with her as well and we have hung out just us two on occasion. My wife's sisters even commented on it being a bad idea and we just laughed at it.

 

My wife is very confident. Probably the most confident woman I've ever met. It's part of why I'm so attracted to her. Guys hit on her all the time and she just shrugs it off like its nothing because she's so used to it. I'm the same way. I'm confident in who I am and what I have.

 

I don't cheat...not because it's "wrong" or because I'm afraid I'll get caught. I don't cheat because I have no desire to...because no woman on the planet even comes remotely close to what my wife does to me, physically mentally and emotionally.

[Leigh 87]

Some people cannot be friends with people they are really attracted to; where as others can.

It would not work if you had a partner, and you also had a REALLY great looking friend, who you:

 

- had chemistry with

- you click in such a way, that you would definately have gotten together if you were single

- if you are so close that yo text each other daily, and see each other one on one regularly, and do things like sit and watch dvd's together. In the dark, with the misguided assumption that " because you love your partner, it is OKAY to act this way"

.....Basically, if your attracted to a person, have chemistry, and do close, one on one things with this person which includes alcohol, then your asking for trouble.

 

On the other hand, if you notice a friend is really good looking, but there is not huge chemistry between you two, and you do NOT text in late hours of the night, or have " dvd nights" together where you watch dvds in the dark, alone... then fine. Good opposite sex friends are fine if those conditions are not present.

[darkmoon]

"I don't cheat...not because it's "wrong" or because I'm afraid I'll get caught. I don't cheat because I have no desire to...because no woman on the planet even comes remotely close to what my wife does to me, physically mentally and emotionally"

 

lucky you - but i think you are unusual if a good pair of boobs on show all evening at a dinner party, say, a smallish table, don't get you hard

[ascendotum]

It's way more dangerous to have a friend that has an authority dynamic over you. Like if you have a guy that treated you like a little brother growing up you probably don't want to keep him around much.

 

I'd agree with this. ^

 

I don't think its a bad thing if married people still flirt with others, if the intention is too make your & their day more fun and to make them feel good about themself....and likewise any flirting back boosts their self esteem, which ideally flows back into a happier marriage. If the marriage is rocky though, then its risky behaviour.

In the situation where you describe, where the wife is flirting with a close friend of her husband's who is always around the place or in their social circle, it can be (not necessarily is) more risky, especially if that guy is not in a tight relationship.

 

 

Sometimes that mistrust or cynicism carries an energy that can provide a catalyst to some actions, especially something as emotionally charged as temptation and latent attraction.

Well its somewhat of a self fulfiling scenario then. The thing is you don't know what would have happened otherwise, and I would rather be a little circumspect over the two, than be niave or oblivious cuckold. I agree it does come down to trust of both, and really you want to be married to a woman, you don't have to 2nd guess, and also as you get older you tend to prune those dirtbag mates from your life. If your wife gets horny when she had a few or your good looking mate is a bit of a sleaze artist, you keep your eyes open, but without being obvious about it.

[xxoo]

I choose friends according to their character, not their appearance.

 

lucky you - but i think you are unusual if a good pair of boobs on show all evening at a dinner party, say, a smallish table, don't get you hard

 

It wouldn't matter to me if my H noticed and got a little aroused. I've noticed other men in our circle at times and gotten a little aroused. No biggie. I'm an adult, very much in love with and aroused by my partner, as is he!

[darkmoon]

I choose friends according to their character, not their appearance.

It wouldn't matter to me if my H noticed and got a little aroused.

I've noticed other men in our circle at times and gotten a little aroused. No biggie. I'm an adult, very much in love with and aroused by my partner, as is he!

 

i don't see a recipe for fidelity here

[xxoo]

i don't see a recipe for fidelity here

 

20+ years and counting, no infidelity problems to report

 

I think people who talk about outside attractions less, and deny them more, would have more risk of infidelity.

[ThaWholigan]

i don't see a recipe for fidelity here

It depends really.

 

Naturally trustworthy and faithful people will be able to deal with such arousal particularly well. Like the woman who gets hit on by the suave guy at the bar, and goes home and f*cks her husband silly because of the high she got from it .

 

I think for people who naturally distrust each other, it will be a recipe for infidelity. As far as I know, Xxoo's been married for quite a long time and both are faithful.

 

20+ years and counting, no infidelity problems to report

 

I think people who talk about outside attractions less, and deny them more, would have more risk of infidelity.

 

I was right

[udolipixie]

In my opinion it's more dangerous for women than men ala men's spread the seed nature pop-bs, variety seeking, propensity to check out others and fantasize about them, tendency to feel they're not getting enough sex, and it seems lesser desire of monogamy.

 

Men's danger of really good looking friends is possibly low as it seems that their danger are friends that have higher status/wealth/power than him.

 

As for at the very least there will be thoughts or fantasies that can happen with those someone hasn't formed a bond or connection to. I highly doubt that many when they're wanking it to porn aren't having thoughts or fantasies about the pornstar or when many are checking out someone they aren't having thoughts or fantasies.

[ascendotum]

i don't see a recipe for fidelity here

 

Thats a little harsh.

It would not worry me, if my wife/gf found others attractive. I'm not delusional. I've found the friends of my gf's hot, but never lost my head over them. I dont mind if a gf gets a self esteem boost out of having guys hit on her.

 

Do you trust your husband/bf?

From the past couple of posts of yours I get the impression, you actually might avoid inviting any of your attractive friends or potential new attractive friends into your married/social life, so as not to tempt your SO.

[carhill]

Mixed bag, IMO. It could be dangerous for some people, as people's attraction styles and boundaries vary.

 

My anecdote is that my exW, due to the business she was in, had some girlfriends who not only were 'hotter', but were 'stop a room' hot. Her two best friends, one of whom was single for most our M and the other whom was married for all of it, definitely could turn the heads. I didn't really give either a second thought until the latter one started getting a bit too friendly with me about 8 years after we first became acquainted. Turned out she was testing the waters for an exit from her M (now divorcing) and I was her test dummy. After a year or so of slowly working on me, I finally started to feel that familiar man feeling and asked my exW if she noticed anything 'off' about the whole thing. She didn't, so I just kept my distance. No doubt I felt something though. She was and is an attractive lady.

 

OTOH, the single one, the room stopper, never affected me at all. She had the 'stay away' wall up to nearly every man, but I watched her eat a few on occasion.

 

So, there's your mixed bag.

Edited September 10, 2012 by carhill

[SteveC80]

I choose friends according to their character, not their appearance.

 

 

 

It wouldn't matter to me if my H noticed and got a little aroused. I've noticed other men in our circle at times and gotten a little aroused. No biggie. I'm an adult, very much in love with and aroused by my partner, as is he!

 

Got aroused meaning what? got wet looking at your husbands friend? fantasized about having sex with him? just trying to get ino the female psyche

[xxoo]

Got aroused meaning what? got wet looking at your husbands friend? fantasized about having sex with him? just trying to get ino the female psyche

 

It has happened, on occasion.

 

And then another day, with the same guy.....meh.

[SteveC80]

It has happened, on occasion.

 

And then another day, with the same guy.....meh.

 

ok because you always hear women are visual but arent as visual as men and they dont get overly horny just looking at good looking guys like the way men do but i never bought into that