I don't feel that anyone is there for me anymore

[Nikki Sahagin]

Recently I've started to feel that I don't actually have anyone in my life (except my mum) who I feel is ever there for me.

 

I've noticed that the majority of my friends are selfish and only use me to help with their problems whilst never being there for me when I have a problem. They will dismiss it, ignore me or give critical advice, whereas I genuinely do my best to listen and help others.

 

I also think I am a very attentive person i.e. when someone is speaking I listen, I make eye contact...but when I speak to people, they'll be looking at their phone sometimes, or cut into what I'm saying. Of course this isn't all the time, but enough of the time to really effect me.

 

My brother, who up until recently I've always counted as a best friend, has really changed in his behaviour towards me. He flies off the handle at the smallest thing and is always angry. When I speak to him, he is always on his laptop, has his ear phones in or is on the phone. I feel like he has no time for me. I always ask him how his day is but he never asks me back and when he does it's clear he is only asking because he feels he has to, not out of genuine interest.

 

I feel more like a parent who has felt a child grow away from them. My brother has grown up and that's great but it feels like he has changed towards me in a negative way with no patience, thought or respect. He will eat my food that I pay for without apologising, swear at me and generally ignore me, but when he has a problem, he always expects me to be there to listen. Also, I obviously confide things in my brother that upset me, but when he is angry at me (even over nothing), he will throw that thing in my face which has knocked my trust a lot as even my own brother seems to be attacking me. I have thought maybe he is on some sort of steroids or something weird that is altering his behaviour, but he has strong views against these things and I don't think it's that.

 

I basically just feel incredibly isolated from my friends and family (except my mum) who I feel on the whole make no effort.

 

My mum is the most selfless person I know and I basically feel that I've become her.

 

I am thoughtful to others, I consider them, I accommodate them, I am kind to them, but all to often it feels that this is always thrown back in my face and making me realise why most people forget about being nice after a while - because you just get treated like s***. The thing is, I do stick up for myself with my brother at least, but he doesn't care and never apologises or make things right.

 

I have a job which gets me out of the house, I work out, focus on things like my writing and I'm going travelling next year, but it still doesn't stop this horrible feeling that I'm not appreciated or considered by people who I'd give a lot for. I've always had trust issues with people but I try to be positive, but now I just feel that my assessment of people is right.

 

I feel that most people have an alterior motive and show their true colours in the end. People will say and do things to hurt you...the VERY things you've confided to them that will hurt.

 

I almost feel like going on a meditation or yoga retreat to learn not to need them and be as self-reliant as possible, because honestly i'm sick of other people not appreciating me. It makes me just want to be my own best friend. What's the point confiding in them if they only ever pretend to care? (if even that).

 

But obviously this bothers me, or I wouldn't be here.

 

It's just hard feeling like you give a lot to people for them to just genuinely not care.

[ScreamingTrees]

Honestly, I've felt this exact same way before, but I really don't know if it was all in my head or not. You obviously know that your younger brother's acting out, but it's certainly not your fault, if you could ever believe what I'm saying instead of thinking it MUST be you.. You just need to find some new friends, trust me, if you really are as you say, you don't deserve that.

 

Me? Aside from one close friend that passed away from a fatal illness, I've had two close friends in my life.. I met one through the other that I no longer talk to because I realized very later on in life that he was a one way street, very selfish and always ready to brag at the expense of those around him, even though in hindsight it was just his insecurity coming into play. Now I'm dealing with the same **** through the close friend that I met through him, basically. He's a great guy and all, but all of a sudden over time he just changed..

 

I'm basically in the same boat as you, although I don't see it in as bleak of a light as you seem to be.. I realize that some people in your life care, and most don't. That's life. I'm at peace with these things now and just live for myself, I'm just happy with the peaceful life I have that could be cut short at any moment. My mother's very kind hearted and empathetic, and I love her for that. She seems to get walked on by her brothers, I just don't understand it..

 

And sure, we're alone for the time being, but we can go out and make friends or meet someone special when we choose to. I'm just hesitant to go out to places or public interest groups/clubs by myself, so I stay at home and focus on my own interests.. (No, I don't just watch TV all day or play games. )

[esstea]

Firstly how old are you?

 

Secondly, I think you need to be more selfish. Selfish in a sense that you need to meet your needs rather than soothing everyone else's. I totally hear you when you say people don't really care with what you have to say when you have a problem but that should honestly tell you everything you need to know. You don't need people like that in your life. If I had to learn anything from this life thus far, it's that if someone isn't making you happy, you tell them to **** off. Like right off the bat. Life it way too short to be spent worrying about why people don't like you. Trust me when I say, you've just made relationships with the wrong people. Put yourself out there, be the best you possible, and you will meet people who truly appreciate you.

 

As for your brother, siblings have an odd relationship. But you have to understand with family, (most) of the time it's just tough love. He's just doing his own thing for now, just let him. You do yours too. Everything has a way of falling in place eventually. Good luck!