Mr Reptile Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Hi everyone! This is my first post and I'm gonna keep it short and simple for you. About 4 months ago my ex-girlfriend left me 'cause I was a mess, unemployed, had lost self-esteem and motivation to life. We were together for about 11 month. This girl had a job and an own apartment, anyway... She wanted to remain friends - best friends. I agreed. I've never been dumped before until now, so I didn't know how to handle it. This ofc didn't work out: So I went NC. 1½ month after it ended between us, she has a new boyfriend. This guy works with her. According to her, he was "just a friend". During our relationship she hated people who got in a reboundrelationship, she yelled at a friend because that girl was in a rebound. My ex also complained (almost hated) about some other friends while we were together, but these friends was her "best friends" when it ended. So, she have been lying to my face several times... she is now dating that new guy. My friends are telling me he is not a catch versus me, I don't like to judge but I think he is kinda ugly. 0% bodyfat/muscles. Does she sound like a catch? Not to me, but this is what I miss about her: -She was my gympartner, we motivated eachother. (I still workout, but I feel lonely sometimes.) -We hanged out everyday in almost a year, I miss that a little. -She was one of my best friends, and I was her only best friend. WHY ON EARTH do I still think about her? 3 months of NC, I feel WAY better, but I'm still thinking "what if she wants to come back.." This has to stop, I need some motivation to stop this. Do you think it's worth to take her back?
Hawaii50 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 You and Brahmahbull should get some drinks. 1
january2011 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 If none of this has improved: I was a mess, unemployed, had lost self-esteem and motivation to life. then you're not in any state to be in a relationship, with your ex or anyone else. Otherwise, no "take-backsies" for people who lie and are already in another relationship. Move on and maintain NC, including asking your friends to stop talking to you about her - her life is none of your business anymore.
Author Mr Reptile Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 If none of this has improved: then you're not in any state to be in a relationship, with your ex or anyone else. Otherwise, no "take-backsies" for people who lie and are already in another relationship. Move on and maintain NC, including asking your friends to stop talking to you about her - her life is none of your business anymore. I've got myself back. It took awhile, but I got my self-esteem back. The only thing I don't have fixed is a job, but I have tried. It's hard these days to get it. So this is nothing to wait for? My brain is only playing with me?
january2011 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Congratulations on turning your life around - I mean it. It's not easy and you were able to accomplish it in such a short time period. Since it's only been four months, I wouldn't rush into another relationship, no matter how much progress you've made. And yes, it's tough out there. And yes, this is "nothing to wait for" and your "brain is only playing" with you. Good luck with the job hunt!
geegirl Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 I don't believe it's a rebound and even if it was, if she's happy, let her be. Chances are she was checking out of the relationship long before. No woman finds a man that's unemployed, lacking confidence and motivation attractive. This other guy may have 0% body fat/muscle but he may make up for other areas that are appealing to your ex. Maturity, stability, character, etc. I'd rather a tubby that's employed and confident then one that's muscular, unemployed and unmotivated. Focus on working on yourself. There are other areas in your life that require developing and cultivating other than your physical attributes. Worth taking her back? Does she want to be back? If you have received no indication of such a need, then please move on and keep NC. I second Hawaii50.
Author Mr Reptile Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 Thanks man! It was really hard, but I had to do it for myself, and finally I feel like myself again. Thanks for your answer, as I though, she is not worth it. I just wanted to make sure if I was doing the right thing.
KathyM Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 You ask if you should take her back, but she's the one who dumped you and she is now in a relationship with someone else, so I think that ship has sailed and is not an option for you.
Author Mr Reptile Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 I don't believe it's a rebound and even if it was, if she's happy, let her be. Chances are she was checking out of the relationship long before. No woman finds a man that's unemployed, lacking confidence and motivation attractive. This other guy may have 0% body fat/muscle but he may make up for other areas that are appealing to your ex. Maturity, stability, character, etc. I'd rather a tubby that's employed and confident then one that's muscular, unemployed and unmotivated. Focus on working on yourself. There are other areas in your life that require developing and cultivating other than your physical attributes. Worth taking her back? Does she want to be back? If you have received no indication of such a need, then please move on and keep NC. I second Hawaii50. I had all this before, a job, self-esteem, motivation to life etc. I lost it only the last 3-4 months in our relationship. But this is a rebound, you don't go from one partner to another in less then 2 months. Then it's not real love. And you are wrong, at my age (21), girls havn't give a **** about if I got a job or not. I'm not lazy, it's just hard to get it. Othervise, you are right about if the guy doesn't enjoy life she doesn't want him.
geegirl Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Maybe as you started losing yourself 3-4 months into the last leg of your R, she started losing you. Feelings can dissipate. If it's not real love, then you shouldn't even care if you should take her back or whether she would like to come back. I don't know what girls you are with but when I was 19, I moved to the city by myself, didn't have a dime to my name or food to eat but slowly made a living for myself because I wanted my independence. I was making my own income and would not have considered being with a man that could not hold his own. But you are right, most 21 year olds just want to have fun and having a job isn't quite on their priority list when seeking another. Good for you for getting it together. I wish you luck in finding a job. I know it's really hard. Hang in there.
Author Mr Reptile Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 Maybe as you started losing yourself 3-4 months into the last leg of your R, she started losing you. Feelings can dissipate. If it's not real love, then you shouldn't even care if you should take her back or whether she would like to come back. I don't know what girls you are with but when I was 19, I moved to the city by myself, didn't have a dime to my name or food to eat but slowly made a living for myself because I wanted my independence. I was making my own income and would not have considered being with a man that could not hold his own. But you are right, most 21 year olds just want to have fun and having a job isn't quite on their priority list when seeking another. Good for you for getting it together. I wish you luck in finding a job. I know it's really hard. Hang in there. I'm lucky to have such a great family who support me with food and all. Don't get me wrong, I want to move out and live my own life, but I havn't got a job yet. I've had some, but they can't afford to hire me. My only question was if it's worth waiting for her if it ends with the new guy, I maybe didn't explained it fully, but I only tried to keep it short.
CptSaveAho Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 No one is worth waiting for FIX your own life and focus on that FIRST. I guarantee you once you find happiness and success in yourself, you wont even want her back and you will find someone that measures up
Author Mr Reptile Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 No one is worth waiting for FIX your own life and focus on that FIRST. I guarantee you once you find happiness and success in yourself, you wont even want her back and you will find someone that measures up I hope and also think you are right. When I get a job and move out and handle my own life, I'm sure I will feel more "complete"
geegirl Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 My only question was if it's worth waiting for her if it ends with the new guy, I maybe didn't explained it fully, but I only tried to keep it short. "IF" is too risky a word to put your life on hold. She is with someone else. It's time for you to move on and get your life in order.
Author Mr Reptile Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 "IF" is too risky a word to put your life on hold. She is with someone else. It's time for you to move on and get your life in order. Spot on. Thanks for everyones support! This is what I needed to know, and it's all clear: to move on without her
flitzanu Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 the observations you've noted really boil down to - she isn't with you, and is with someone else. trying to calculate the reasons or logic is a waste of time.
Author Mr Reptile Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 the observations you've noted really boil down to - she isn't with you, and is with someone else. trying to calculate the reasons or logic is a waste of time. I know. I think this guy is better "on paper" for her, I wish I also had a good economy. Very well, I'm gonna focus on me and make things happend. Get a job and move out and starting my own new life!
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