Lost My Sex Drive

[Adelle]

I don't know where to begin, Anyways i am frustrated at my on and off b/f. We have been together for 2 years and for the past six months our sex life hasn't exactly been the best. I will admit that i am the one who has been having problems with that.. Things between us haven't been that great and its effecting my drive making me physically unable to have sex.. And while i can understand how that can effect a man greatly i feel trapped and don't know what to do

So anyhow, i've decided to distance myself a little and try to make sense of all this. I invited him over last night to hang out and spend the night. I missed him after our last argument and wanted to simply cuddle to a movie.. The entire duration of the night i felt that he was putting pressure on me to "put out" by his comments which btw makes it even harder. I just ignored the "joking comments" and played it off that they didn't bother me. But they did.

After the movie i fell asleep and he left and went home. (this happens a lot) Again i woke up to an empty bed and felt enraged. Then i saw that he blew up my phone with texts messages referring to how our sex life and how i make him feel ****ty. The worst part of all is i couldn't even respond because he blocked my number due to our argument a few days ago. The things is now i feel compelled to not want to be with him and i am upset that i am getting the 3rd degree over the fact that we didnt do the deed. So i face booked him telling him that i dont want to see him for a month now because i feel overly stressed and can't deal. Granted a said a few other things like i am not into him because hes acting dumb. idk what to do. i love him i really do but my desire to see him and to be intimate is at its all time low

[TaraMaiden]

Ok, first, consider a health check-up... hormone imbalance, stress, losing weight, gaining weight... all can have an effect.

secondly ask yourself:

Am I IN love with him, or do I just "love" him?

 

 

Big question, that one.

[fallenheart]

Jesus. Poor guy. Let him out of his misery and just forget about him.

 

If you're not having sex, you're just "pals." I'm sure he has plenty of pals already. He needs something more from a girlfriend.

 

If you want to just "cuddle" on the couch and watch a movie, make friends with a gay guy.

 

I can just imagine, this poor bastard hasn't gotten laid in HOW long? And you're rubbing up against him on the couch and then giving HIM a hard time when he gets horny?

 

I hope he can find a girl with a compatible sex drive. And maybe you should look into a dog or several cats to sit on the couch with you?

[Sav]

@fallenheart : you're the guy with the "we're all losers" thread right. When will you get it that the world does not revolve around you.

 

Girls are not toys which you use whenever YOU want to have sex. Both people need to want it before doing it. Stop being so self-centered. In a relationship both parties need to give and take. I totally agree with Adelle's way, if you're not comfortable, don't do it lest you regret.

 

@ Adelle : Maybe you should talk it out with him. See where the problem lies. Work it out together. It takes two to work but only one to break it

[Adelle]

Ok, first, consider a health check-up... hormone imbalance, stress, losing weight, gaining weight... all can have an effect.

secondly ask yourself:

Am I IN love with him, or do I just "love" him?

 

 

Big question, that one.

Hormone imbalance makes sense, years and years ago it was discovered that i have an ovarian cyst that has cause a tremendous amount of problems.. They wouldn't perform surgery because my insurance would approve it. I currently dont have insurance and idk if that can cause a hormone inbalance but that does make sense.

[TaraMaiden]

Hormone imbalance makes sense, years and years ago it was discovered that i have an ovarian cyst that has cause a tremendous amount of problems.. They wouldn't perform surgery because my insurance would approve it. I currently dont have insurance and idk if that can cause a hormone inbalance but that does make sense.

well, until you eliminate the medical possibility, you cannot in all honesty answer the second point.....

[Adelle]

Jesus. Poor guy. Let him out of his misery and just forget about him.

 

If you're not having sex, you're just "pals." I'm sure he has plenty of pals already. He needs something more from a girlfriend.

 

If you want to just "cuddle" on the couch and watch a movie, make friends with a gay guy.

 

I can just imagine, this poor bastard hasn't gotten laid in HOW long? And you're rubbing up against him on the couch and then giving HIM a hard time when he gets horny?

 

I hope he can find a girl with a compatible sex drive. And maybe you should look into a dog or several cats to sit on the couch with you?

First off i'm trying to torture the guy, trust me, it's not "fun" to be in this situation and this is making it even harder on the BOTH of us. Like stated above, i understand how that can make a man feel but i also feel that i am unloved even though he say he loves me..

[Adelle]

@fallenheart : you're the guy with the "we're all losers" thread right. When will you get it that the world does not revolve around you.

 

Girls are not toys which you use whenever YOU want to have sex. Both people need to want it before doing it. Stop being so self-centered. In a relationship both parties need to give and take. I totally agree with Adelle's way, if you're not comfortable, don't do it lest you regret.

 

@ Adelle : Maybe you should talk it out with him. See where the problem lies. Work it out together. It takes two to work but only one to break it

I have tried to talk it out with him multiple times. He seems understanding but when it comes down to it i dont think he really is. Today i was awakened by a full inbox on my phone and being told how i'm not a good g/f this makes me feel even more ****ty.

[Adelle]

I also feel he's being very inconsiderate. And while i admit i'm no mother Theresa, i feel tremendous amount of pressure to keep him happy while i feel that my needs are far from being met

[fallenheart]

Sounds like an awful relationship all around. Time to end it.

 

Why "talk things out?" You already know what the problem is. He's a man. He expects his girlfriend to want to have sex with him. If she doesn't, she's not really his girlfriend, is she?

[fallenheart]

What needs of yours isn't he meeting?

 

You haven't met the single most important one of HIS needs in six months, according to your post. I can see why he's probably at the end of his rope now.

[TaraMaiden]

Ok, all things said, it's possible this isn't the relationship for either of you.

Go No Contact for now, and get a check-up.

 

Blocking you is nothing but childish, sorry, but it is. It's his way of being able to moan at you, but not giving you the opportunity back. Well that's all grown up, isn't it?

 

Two could play at that game - but for now, focus on yourself. See if you can get a gynae check and sort that out first.

 

Then, and only then, consider your relationship. With whomever.

Even if it's not destined to be with him, some other guy will deserve to know whether there's a physical problem.... and you need (if that's the case) someone who's supportive and understanding....

[Adelle]

What needs of yours isn't he meeting?

 

You haven't met the single most important one of HIS needs in six months, according to your post. I can see why he's probably at the end of his rope now.

We have had sex just not every day as he expects it.. dont get me wrong its not like i havent "put out" in 6 months.. Its not as often as we used to

[TaraMaiden]

What needs of yours isn't he meeting?

 

You haven't met the single most important one of HIS needs in six months, according to your post. I can see why he's probably at the end of his rope now.

You think Sex is the single most important need?

you have to reorganise your priorities....

One day, your todger will be next to useless at the mating game. What of your priority then?

[TaraMaiden]

Sounds like an awful relationship all around. Time to end it.

 

Why "talk things out?" You already know what the problem is. He's a man. He expects his girlfriend to want to have sex with him. If she doesn't, she's not really his girlfriend, is she?

kerrist, if this is how you evaluate a relationship, no wonder you're single...

That's just plain sad. it really is.

[fallenheart]

without a healthy sex life, boyfriends and girlfriends are just roommates. it's what defines a relationship. of course it's the most important thing cause it's supposed to be the one thing two people share. it's why they say "lovers" not "chums."

[TaraMaiden]

yes, but what you don't seem to be able to compute is that in a healthy relationship. sex isn't the primary thing driving or keeping the relationship going. it's part of it, but not the hub of it.

it's only an issue when there's a problem, and i think that's being addressed here.

If you think sex is the main contentious issue in a relationship, you're less relationship mature than you think.

In fact, if this was your issue in a relationship with you, I'd tell you to find a hooker. That's what they're there for. They give every time you want it, no questions asked.

[fallenheart]

well i guess you told me! cause a hooker is all i need to feel fulfilled and happy. yeah sure will be great to share all my hopes and dreams and passions with a hooker for an hour! awesome!

 

sarcasm aside, if you really don't think that ALL men need sex just as much as love, you're the one looking at the world through some pretty naive glasses.

 

you talk a big game, but it sounds to me like you still have a lot to learn about men.

[TaraMaiden]

At 55 and with three marriages under my belt - I don't think so.

And before you go judging the three marriages, don't bother. I know why there's three, you don't, so I really don't care for your hypotheses...

 

You're good at dishing it out, but not so good at taking it are you?

 

I'm, a confident, self-assured, and life-established woman, and I really don't take kindly to self-pitying bull-crap.

If you want your life to change - change it.

if you're happy in your determination that you're a loser - don't let me stop you.

 

I have little time for self-confessed pessimists who can't see the wood for the trees.

[fallenheart]

you call it pessimism, i call it seeing things for the way they are and actually admitting it, instead of sticking my head in the mud and lying to myself.

 

life is ****. it doesn't change. it doesn't get better. there is no such thing as "fate" or "destiny." we are all insignificant and nothing matters.

[TaraMaiden]

Yes dear.

You carry on looking at it that way, and let the grey clouds roll.

I don't see clouds - I'm walking on them.

 

Enjoy your trip.

Did I mention it's the only one you'll ever have?

If being miserable is how you intend to live the rest of your life, make sure you at least like the colour grey....

[fallenheart]

yeah well, i know it's a cliche and all, but all the color got bleached out of a my universe little by little, every time someone i loved left me. my world's been grey for some time now.

[TaraMaiden]

And you never had any responsibility, blame or fault in their leaving you?

It was all on them?

You did absolutely nothing whatsoever to deserve it?

The action was all entirely 100% theirs to own?

 

Every time?

 

Just asking....

[fallenheart]

I thought I made it pretty clear in my other thread that I know the blame is on me! I'm a worthless piece of ****! I know full well why they all left me. I just have no idea how I managed to trick them into dating me in the first place. Well, no big deal. That's never gonna happen again.

[TaraMaiden]

I don't necessarily follow threads by self-defeating pessimists. I know what to do to avoid being sucked into the lies people tell themselves.

So, instead of bemoaning your faults, why not actually strive to change?

or is that too much like hard work?