Being a serial drunk cheat, and changing for the better?

[trololol]

Recently was talking to someone I know a lot older than me from my work. I'm only in my early 20s and he's in his 50s married with kids so was trying to give me some life advice I think... haha.

 

Anyway this 50yr old guy said (after a beer or two) before he was engaged and married, when he was my age, he used to mess around a bit on what is his current wife (then only girlfriend). So for example kissed a few girls, bit of sexual contact with some, when he was out "jack the lad" on town he called it, haha. But one day after doing it like the third or fourth time, he had an epitome, settled down and decided to never do it again, and after another year or two with his girlfriend, they got engaged, married, had kids... and are now a wonderful family.

 

He said if he had 'wimped out' when he was young a done the 'cowardly' thing and told her, he would have lost his soul mate, his children wouldn't exist, and he may have continued the destructive levels of binge drinking. His justification for saying telling is cowardly is it meant he would feel better again, his girlfriend terrible, and it showed he wasn't a man willing to work on his flaws and become a better person without burdening other people.

 

This is such an interesting perspective for me, just cause it's so different to most you hear (i.e. honesty is the best policy) and seems to revoke the "once a cheater always a cheater" rule, he certainly was a serial drunken cheat when he was in his early 20s, but he learnt, he changed, he got engaged, married, kids etc and seems to have the perfect life now.

 

What is everyone's opinions on this? I once threw away a relationship by telling the girl I kissed another when I was 18 just before starting Uni, cus I did what everyone said was the 'moral' thing to do, but it's made me think twice. And atm, I have a friend who got black-out drunk and cheated on his long distance partner (who I think he really really loves), said he's gonna give himself a week to decide whether to tell... but after having this conversation with that 50yr old guy, starting to think he should just keep quiet.

 

Thanks for reading

[lukas]

I will admit I'm quite the alcoholic averaging at 5-7 pints per night at only 23! Though it wasn't until the last year that I finally cheated on someone.

 

About one week after my gf went on a trip to celebrate her uni graduation with her father to Japan, I ended up getting really drunk and sleeping with an ex I randomly ran into in a pub. This meeting was not planned and not expected, and we both talked in the morning about how we are horrible human beings. I decided not to tell her because I knew she would end the relationship, and I knew how much it would hurt her. She never suspected anything and I behaved identically to how I had prior to my mistake

 

I still regretted it even when I found out she cheated on me for most of the year we dated with several other men. What goes around comes around I suppose, but it still doesn't take away from the lessons I've learned. You feel so guilty about cheating and it hurts so much to find out it has happened to you.

 

I hope I have the strength of character to never do that again, and I seem to have succeeded in being faithful to my current gf and hope that I never stray again. I do not want to repeat my mistakes and destroy the life of someone I love.

 

That said, I'm not prepared to give up the drink!

[nonexistent]

For me it's like this: you're responsible for everything you've done on your side. If you drunk cheated somebody, you know what you did. Being drunk is honestly not an excuse. Therefor, own up to it and admit it. Get it out of the way as soon as possible as lies tend to surface later on down the road and it'll hurt the other person more then, which leads to a definite break up.

 

If you decide that you want to lie about it... then never think of the situation again and try your best never to speak about the past so it never comes back up. I lied to my wife about going to strip club once, and then I accidentally blurted out the "Oh I remember this one time with this stripper...", totally busted there.

 

All in all, we all make mistakes. Man up and be responsible. If you know you're with someone and going somewhere or doing something will get you in trouble with that someone, then don't do it. That's where your character starts... before the deed comes into play, not when it's about to play out or even after. Avoid temptation and you'll be A okay!