Looking for some thoughts

[weegie]

Right, so this is my first post on this forum and the reason I've come here is because after a long period of thinking and an exceptionally long period of being single, I am looking for advice.

 

I am 26 years old, Male, Bisexual, and technically a Virgin who has never had a girlfriend/boyfriend. I have no problem talking to women/gay men as long as it remains plutonic but the moment that something more can/may happen, I lose my bottle.

 

Here is the list of reasons as to why I think I'm so useless at dating. It's quite long, but it's in chronological order:

 

I started puberty between the ages of 8 and 9

I lost my virginity (oral) to a boy at the age of 9 (he was younger and also an early bloomer)

I spent the following 2-3 years around people who were not sexually mature

I was raised in a town which was very homophobic (at least 2 gay people murdered whilst I lived there)

I was very confused as at the time I had never heard of the concept of Bisexuality, and could not consolidate my feelings for both genders

I was not popular at high school (ages 11-14)

I was moved to the other side of the country when I was 14, so I had to start new friendships

My new friendships were with people much younger than me (2-3 years) due to me being new to the school as they were

I wasn't that popular at my new school either (ages 14-17) but was never outright bullied

I went to University at 17, but had an emotionally scarring experience during the first few weeks which caused much anguish and near-depression.

I'm now not a very attractive person. I am quite large (medically obese but carry it well), relatively short, and have average facial features. I am told I'm not as bad as I think I am, but basically I know that I'm not attracted to guys that look like me.

My interests could be considered quite niche (Gaming, comics, Japan etc.)

I work a night shift during the weekends which severely inhibits my social life

My friends are unreliable or always strapped for cash so I can rarely go out with them even when I'm off

Many of my friends have some level of homophobia

I am 'out' but I don't flaunt/go on about being Bi, and generally will keep quiet when around company if I know it will cause discomfort/issues

I never meet anyone new for the above few reasons, so my social group is limited to my friends who are either male and straight, or female and taken.

And finally, thought this may be irrelevant, my two best friends are female which I think puts off many people.

 

If you've made it this far then well done, have a cookie on me.

 

I'm at the end of my tether. I just want to get out of this hole I'm in but have absolutely no idea where to go from here. I am trying to fix some things i.e my looks, but there is only so much I can do. I have absolutely zero confidence and zero opportunity with anyone and it's really getting to me. I'm not even looking for someone to have sex with, just someone to be with.

 

I apologise for the emotionally heavy first post, but I'm trying to be honest.

[TaraMaiden]

Take up other interests, like walking (I mean, hiking and rambles, not from one block to the next!), cooking or something where you know you'd be good, but a little outside your 'comfort zone'. Find a challenge.

Keep working on your looks if you want, but eat smart, and avoid comfort eating. It really sucks.

 

See a counsellor. You need a bit of a boost to your self-esteem, because trust me - if I can find a husband the way I look, you have no problems.

 

Where's my cookie?

(I can't stand oreos, by the way, so don't even think about it.)

[yoman38]

I agree with the Maiden, and yes where's my cookie?

 

You know what was my favorite thing in your previous post

 

I am quite large (medically obese but carry it well), this was the closest thing to saying anything nice about yourself in the previous post and good for you that you carry it well.

 

My man you got to look deep and find way to become comfortable and happy with who you are (sexually, physically, mentally, spiritually) I recommend you do this before getting into a serious relationship or looking for people to make you happy. Because once you got self confidence and love you will attract all the right people.

 

one further point about your weight realize this, strictly speaking from a medical standpoint. Being overweight can increase your risk of hypertension (Hi Blood Pressure), diabetes type II, heart disease, joint problems, among other things. For your own health and future I'd recommend dieting and exercise.

 

take care my man

[JamieSpruson]

Looking for some thoughts Right, so this is my first post on this forum and the reason I've come here is because after a long period of thinking and an exceptionally long period of being single, I am looking for advice.