Sameold Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 I'm dating a girl and have been for a little while but she seems like she will never be ready for a relationship and has spoken out about how she finds it hard to trust men as her previous relationships have failed. I was screwed over horribly by my last gf, I loved her so much and am not over her but I am trying to put my heart out there again. Surely there will be a point when I tire of the formality of dating, meals, cinema etc and just want a gf I can sleep with and chat to and share life with. Dating just seems like a game and I don't get when this girl will let me in? 1
TaraMaiden Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Try to discern what is genuine concern on her part, and what, if anything, might be a 'Mind-game' to test your mettle. Don't play mind-games or get suckered in. Tell her bluntly, if dating/trust is an issue, she should try to get counselling. Her issues are not your problems to either resolve or frankly, make too much an allowance for. By all means be understanding. But don't be a whuppin' post for her prejudices.
Author Sameold Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 The thing is I have concerns too with trust due to my past but you just have to try and let them go, I've learnt that. But how long will it be until she decides we can be bf and gf? I don't really get how it happens, so I wait for her to ask or me ask or just keep going on dates? It all seems very complicated.
TaraMaiden Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 It shouldn't be complicated. You have to be open to possibilities, because otherwise you are not being true to yourself, by holding back something precious for the other person. Trust is a huge issue, I grant you. But you have to place that trust as much in yourself, and your discernment, as much as you decide to place it in the other person. if you decide to trust, your stress levels go down. If they betray your trust, then you learn - but it doesn't 'hurt' as much as the first time, because you recognise that the person most damaged, is them, not you. You learn and heal, they perpetuate their behaviour. Who's worse off?
RedRobin Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Same advice I give women... If you are looking for a relationship, don't date those who aren't. This is something that can be figured out relatively quickly. Perhaps it is time to move on from this one.. 1
heather_1 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Never give up dating, there will be someone out there for you!
Author Sameold Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 It is possible she isn't looking for a relationship but then she inferences towards it. I am moving back to the area for a fixed period soon so when I come back I will try and see her more...if it isn't getting anywhere I'll then knock it on the head.
truth_seeker Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Keep dating her but do not get too emotionally invested. The more you date, the more likely she will get comfortable with you and let her guard down. If it gets to the point where you become too frustrated, then you need to walk away.
joseph17 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 This girl is apparently still hurting from a past relationship like you stated but SO ARE YOU!! you can not move on and skip from one relationship to another just to fill a void. I think the problem here is that you are still in love with your ex and this girl is your closure on your past relationship. You both need to set down and have a serious conversation to see what you both want. If she continues dating you then there is something there but I think you should work on yourself and let your past relationship go.But making this girl your GF isn't going to change how you feel. yes at first you may be happy but what happens when she triggers emotions that you still have from our EX? And her not knowing thinks it is her but in reality it's your ex still messing up your life. Look people hold on to feeling they may never know they have until that little red flag goes of in your head and it trigger those memories. If you like this girl then start with yourself and save you and her the problems that will arise in your future relationship
D'1ThatGotAway Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I'm never giving up dating because I don't want to die alone.
TaraMaiden Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I'm never giving up dating because I don't want to die alone. Oooh, don't look at it that way. Because whatever happens in your life, that's exactly how we all end up. Don't romanticise the whole of life that way. My mother nursed my father through his illness, and he died 2 years ago, aged 90. Who's going to die with her?
udolipixie Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 In my opinion one gives up dating when they can have a suitable replacement or it's no longer amusing or entertaining. Probably suited to for you to work on your ex gf screwing you over before putting your heart out there. Probably better suited to pass on a gal with trust issues who may not be offering you want you want. As for dating seeming like a game to me dating is a game.
El Brujo Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 When you put a certain amount of energy, time, and money into something, and you get no results to show for it, it's time to move on to something else that will give you results.
weallfalldown Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 if she doesn't put out asap ....it's a waste of time......get rid.
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