google_girl Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Last month or two my boyfriend has been super busy.He is business man and is under work pressure right now.Because of it he is able to give me very limited attention.Its always me who is calling him to see if he has time to talk to me for a minute.Checking him on fb gtalk etc for just to say hi.I even asked him his address so i could send him something like flower or greeting. Then this weekend when i was thinking whole situation from neutral point of view something just hit me. I have lost all power in this relationship.I all the time feel like i am begging for his lil bit attention.I am basically acting needy and desperate.Which is highly unattractive. I have decided to do following to turn the situation. Not to open Facebook at all.I have deleted gtalk and yahoo messenger. I am not going to call him ,sms him till he does it. When he calls me once i am going to call him back once n so on .If am i am busy i am not going to pick his call.He does it too all the time.No special treatment till i straighten his tail. Anybody want to add anything more here.Please chip in .I am not much experience when it comes to relationships. Thanks in advance.
Author google_girl Posted September 11, 2012 Author Posted September 11, 2012 Huh last time he meet me online he told me i have forgotten him and he is hurt.You were right about misunderstanding signals. I have talked with him that i need 2 minutes per day but nothing is happening.I find it unfair that he doesn't have 2 minutes for me in a whole day.
johan Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Was it your goal to have relationship in which you're struggling against your mate to have power? Or were you hoping to have a communicative, mutually respectful relationship?
Got it Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I would sit down with him and address with him how you are feeling. I would use "I" statements ( I feel like . . . ) and do it calmly. I would ask him if you two can come to a happy compromise, acknowledging his busy schedule. He may not be aware, he may not realize he has dropped the ball, he may not care. Having this discussion may help enlighten both of you. Don't play games.
TaraMaiden Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 Yes, all this "different levels, from 2 to 3 " is just psycho-hooey. Ask him, plain and simple: "Are you always going to be this busy? is it always going to be this way? That you don't have time for me? Because you know, the way things are at the moment, life on my own is scarcely different... " Hold him accountable for his contribution to the relationship, but don't talk about getting your power back.... That's just babble for "being independent and thinking for and about me first, for a change"....
Author google_girl Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 @tara I have done that already.I have xplained him that i need his lil bit assurance and just a call or sms once in 2-3 days.Na nada no response.I understand he is busy and he is trying to focus on his works but i am just loosing my patience here now.Its been month or two we are in this situation. I dont want to pull the plug because bfore all this started he was the best guy i cud ever had.Our relationship was going smoothly.I dont want to pull the plug that easily.
Silly_Girl Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 [quote=google_girl;4286993I have xplained him that i need his lil bit assurance and just a call or sms once in 2-3 days.Na nada no response... Its been month or two we are in this situation. Honestly, if that's all you're asking for I would question whether he even wants to be in a relationship. Are you sure he isn't trying to end things but doesn't have the gumption to talk to you?
Minka333 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Sometimes guys get complacent or a bit lazy when girls do most of the effort.. they get used to it. Men are naturally predisposed to the thrill of the chase. When things are handed to them on a silver platter they would most often take the relationship for granted. I would suggest that you lessen or control your calls/gifts..etc. Make him do his part. Men often value those that they had a hard time conquering.
Emilia Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I dont want to pull the plug because bfore all this started he was the best guy i cud ever had.Our relationship was going smoothly.I dont want to pull the plug that easily. But now is now. He is either losing interest or when he was more pro-active he was just pretending. The two of you are not compatible and he isn't prepared to meet you half way. Personally I would walk 1
TaraMaiden Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 But now is now. He is either losing interest or when he was more pro-active he was just pretending. The two of you are not compatible and he isn't prepared to meet you half way. Personally I would walk QFT. Absolutely.
MonsterMash Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 No matter if you subscribe to the religious teachings of "the man is the head of the household" or if you look at nature and see the male is the dominant one of the group .....either way, the man is supposed to be the one in charge. I don't get the complaint about "wanting the power back." You shouldn't have it in the first place. I know thats going to offend some feminists somewhere. But the ongoing assault on "traditional gender roles" has greatly impacted our current relationships. Theres too many mixed signals going on. Women say they "want a real man." But they get a real man and complain that he's too controlling and has all the power in the relationship. But if they get one of these metrosexual girly men who gives her the power .....she doesn't respect him cause he's a pussy who doesn't stand up to her. Me? I'll treat you like a queen so long as you understand that I'm the king of my domain. I don't see that as a bad thing. Flame away ladies.
TaraMaiden Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 said the man with the weird pink puppet... You may have a point in some ways, but not all. Not flaming; just saying that equality doesn't necessarily mean distribution or right to power. But there's no doubt that men nowadays are far less masculine than they once were, and are feeling threatened by a movement that actually has only been prevalent for around 100 years or so. Women are more powerful because they have finally gained the voice that in fact they have always been entitled to. And men don't like it, because they feel threatened and emasculated. We can't go backwards, and anyone trying to is just making more problems for themselves, as things stand.
MonsterMash Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 said the man with the weird pink puppet... You may have a point in some ways, but not all. Not flaming; just saying that equality doesn't necessarily mean distribution or right to power. But there's no doubt that men nowadays are far less masculine than they once were, and are feeling threatened by a movement that actually has only been prevalent for around 100 years or so. Women are more powerful because they have finally gained the voice that in fact they have always been entitled to. And men don't like it, because they feel threatened and emasculated. We can't go backwards, and anyone trying to is just making more problems for themselves, as things stand. I'm comfortable sporting the pink puppet cause I'm secure in my manhood. There's no equality between men and women. None. No matter how much those hairy backed, bra burning feminazis try to claim otherwise.
joystickd Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Last month or two my boyfriend has been super busy.He is business man and is under work pressure right now.Because of it he is able to give me very limited attention.Its always me who is calling him to see if he has time to talk to me for a minute.Checking him on fb gtalk etc for just to say hi.I even asked him his address so i could send him something like flower or greeting. Then this weekend when i was thinking whole situation from neutral point of view something just hit me. I have lost all power in this relationship.I all the time feel like i am begging for his lil bit attention.I am basically acting needy and desperate.Which is highly unattractive. I have decided to do following to turn the situation. Not to open Facebook at all.I have deleted gtalk and yahoo messenger. I am not going to call him ,sms him till he does it. When he calls me once i am going to call him back once n so on .If am i am busy i am not going to pick his call.He does it too all the time.No special treatment till i straighten his tail. Anybody want to add anything more here.Please chip in .I am not much experience when it comes to relationships. Thanks in advance. ^ Power struggling is the fastest way to get shown the door:)
joystickd Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 said the man with the weird pink puppet... You may have a point in some ways, but not all. Not flaming; just saying that equality doesn't necessarily mean distribution or right to power. But there's no doubt that men nowadays are far less masculine than they once were, and are feeling threatened by a movement that actually has only been prevalent for around 100 years or so. Women are more powerful because they have finally gained the voice that in fact they have always been entitled to. And men don't like it, because they feel threatened and emasculated. We can't go backwards, and anyone trying to is just making more problems for themselves, as things stand. I wouldn't blame feminism 100% I blame more than anything the lack of fathers and their role of teaching boys to be men. If anything there are less actual men out here teaching boys to be men. If anything they are boys teaching boys. Honestly in that same sense there are women teaching those same habits to girls
TaraMaiden Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I'm comfortable sporting the pink puppet cause I'm secure in my manhood. There's no equality between men and women. None. No matter how much those hairy backed, bra burning feminazis try to claim otherwise. I'm sure there's a fair number of them around, and frankly, you couldn't find anything more hideous to turn me off "being a sistah"... But truly, not all women who have opinions and strong characters are like that. I would suggest that people who have their heads screwed on right, and don't resort to below-the-belt tactics but who can see both sides without compromising their principles - have probably had an upbringing and experiences which have moulded them into something admirable - and such upbringing and experiences have involved influence from both male and female peers and 'elders'. Not everyone who teaches us to be whole, is a "good" person. But if we use the lessons dealt, to make ourselves more whole, then that can't be bad. Man or woman. 1
2sunny Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I'd just make one last call...to tell him it's over. Tired of being low on the priority list. If you have to beg him to contact you - it's over! I know many very busy and powerful men - they ALWAYS make time to stay in contact with the woman they live! Many times every day! You are his option - I'd end it! 1
2sunny Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I see from your prior thread his co worker is a hot woman... That may have something to do with him cooling his jets with you...
MonsterMash Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I'm sure there's a fair number of them around, and frankly, you couldn't find anything more hideous to turn me off "being a sistah"... But truly, not all women who have opinions and strong characters are like that. I would suggest that people who have their heads screwed on right, and don't resort to below-the-belt tactics but who can see both sides without compromising their principles - have probably had an upbringing and experiences which have moulded them into something admirable - and such upbringing and experiences have involved influence from both male and female peers and 'elders'. Not everyone who teaches us to be whole, is a "good" person. But if we use the lessons dealt, to make ourselves more whole, then that can't be bad. Man or woman. I can't argue that point. But as to having "control" in a relationship..I just feel like it has to be the man. And thats not because I'm a man. Its simple nature and interpersonal dynamics. Let me expound a bit.... I don't think a woman can't contribute to the decision making process, no. Its more of a "there can only be one person in charge" mentality. Two people of equal "rank" so to speak, have more of a tendency to butt heads as opposed to working out problems. And little things turn into unresolved big things and the relationship suffers. There has to be a clear decision maker so that issues can be handled. The flip side of that, whoever has the ultimate control also has to have the fortitude to admit when they were wrong too. Now, getting beyond the religious or nature based examples of a male dominated relationship for a second. I believe that if a woman assumes the head of household position, that it creates its own set of issues. For example...unless the man is truly some metrosexual girly man, he's going to reach a breaking point with this arrangement. OTOH....I also believe that the woman being in control will eventually lose respect for the man cause he DOESN'T assert himself. My idea of the perfect relationship is akin to the hierarchy in a wolf pack You have the alpha male and the alpha female. The male is the undisputed king...but the female is more like a battlefield general. Strong in her own right, but still knows the male is ultimately in charge. Who knows? Maybe I'm just too old fashioned.
TaraMaiden Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I think the word 'control' may be difficult for some to 'digest'. It's rather like the word "ignore" which I frequently recommend to my clients, when dealing with their dogs. The big problem is, that the word 'ignore'- in human terms - is considered impolite, rude and insolent. We're constantly telling sullen children to not ignore us, and we recommend on here, that people 'ignore' exes, particularly when the ex- is indulging in unreasonable behaviour, so 'ignore' is definitely a weapon of 'dominance' or defiance' insofar as human understanding is concerned. "Ignoring" a dog is actually far more about taking the pressure off a beloved pet, because the more attention we pay to a dog, the more of a burden we put on their shoulders to perform, or behave in a certain way. Ignoring a dog is actually beneficial as it removes the load of the role of leader, off their shoulders. Much the same can be said about the word 'control' (which I notice you too have inserted in speech-marks) because I think you are making a definite distinction between 'control' in the sense of "well someone has to do it" and 'control' in the sense of "I am in charge here, and I will dominate, subdue and browbeat anyone who sez different, into submission...." There's 'good' Ignore, just as much as there's 'bad' Ignore. Equally, there's 'good' control, just as much as there's 'bad' control. T
Emilia Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 There's no equality between men and women. None. No matter how much those hairy backed, bra burning feminazis try to claim otherwise. From the words you are using I can see that there isn't any equality in your world. However, luckily for the rest of us, we don't have to inhibit the same world as you 1
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