Should guys be pickier with women?

[lino]

Yes, all blokes need to be more picky.

 

The gems are few and far between.

 

They sure are!

[udolipixie]

^Um...where have you been? When it comes to relationships many guys want women who complete them, and it goes far beyond just sex.

 

I've been in America.

 

When it comes to relationships many men go 'she's pretty and puts out' hence the thread.

[kaylan]

I've been in America.

 

When it comes to relationships many men go 'she's pretty and puts out' hence the thread.

When it comes to casual sex many guys are like that. When it comes to relationships its far different. Just ask the women on this forum whove had trouble pinning down a good man. Guys want a lot of different things when it comes to settling down...just like women will need a variety of things.

 

Its funny how your generalization of men, seem to fall in line with the generalizations made by guys who do poorly with women. Ive read their posts about how "women are soo picky and guys just need sex and a pretty face"...even though they dont have the experience dating to know how things really are.

 

Why are some of the things you say similar in style to bitter male posters?

Edited September 10, 2012 by kaylan

[Untouchable_Fire]

To answer my own question, I would argue that when someone says that another person is not their "type," it almost always happens early on when she meets him, or he meets her. And more often than not, the "type" is thrown out there to rationalize a lack of physical attraction, so she'll appear less shallow. I mean, how well can you really know someone when you first meet them to know if their personality matches a particular "type"...?

In the example you presented, I would speculate that she "caved in" after learning more about his personality and that was enough to overcome her physical "type" which she prejudged him to not fulfill.

 

This is true, but keep in mind that when women consider "type" and physical attraction it is often tied in with emotional stuff too.

 

Example... when I was in highschool I had a girl I very much wanted to date. I pursued her a lot, primarily in a joking way. She had it in her head that she only wanted to date skater or stoner type guys. She considered me more of a preppy type and thus not really something she wanted.

 

There are a lot of women that will make emotional assumptions based on your looks, style of dress, and first impressions.

 

Also... I think most guys are already picky as hell when it comes to women. It's just men tend to have a list of women they would have sex with that is enormous, and a much smaller list of women they would date. Women have that too, but both their lists are shorter.

[udolipixie]

When it comes to casual sex many guys are like that. When it comes to relationships its far different. Just ask the women on this forum whove had trouble pinning down a good man. Guys want a lot of different things when it comes to settling down...just like women will need a variety of things.

 

Its funny how your generalization of men, seem to fall in line with the generalizations made by guys who do poorly with women. Ive read their posts about how "women are soo picky and guys just need sex and a pretty face"...even though they dont have the experience dating to know how things really are.

 

Why are some of the things you say similar in style to bitter male posters?

Likely the women who have trouble pinning down a good man due so out of youth, beauty, sexual partner count, and not placating a man's ego.

 

Unsure why you're questioning why what I say is similar in style to bitter male posters as I've already told you I think most men in my country, America, are like those bitter male posters.

[ThaWholigan]

I think guys are already picky to a certain extent, but perhaps more of us could be more discriminating about who we have sex with - but that will never happen .

 

I've been saying this for a while, because guys who aren't great with women are likely to put up with a lot of sh*t because he doesn't think he could do any better.

[kaylan]

Likely the women who have trouble pinning down a good man due so out of youth, beauty, sexual partner count, and not placating a man's ego.

Wow you are out of touch. You obviously dont have close male friends who are open and honest with you about their dating life. Difference in wanting kids, a girls emotional capacity, political affiliation, book smarts, and a number of other things can keep a particular guy from not wanting to date her.

 

I just had a recent thread about women, intellect, and politics. Id say at least half of the guys who responded said theyd desire a smart girl who knew a little bit regarding current events and politics.

Unsure why you're questioning why what I say is similar in style to bitter male posters as I've already told you I think most men in my country, America, are like those bitter male posters.

Yet many guys on this forum are unlike the bitter male posters. And yet most guys I know arent bitter dudes either.

[verhrzn]

I think guys are already picky to a certain extent, but perhaps more of us could be more discriminating about who we have sex with - but that will never happen .

 

I've been saying this for a while, because guys who aren't great with women are likely to put up with a lot of sh*t because he doesn't think he could do any better.

 

I think this is an important distinction to make. Guys seem plenty picky about who they are marry or date.... but when it comes to who they'll take home, oh sure, not picky at all.

 

So is the OP asking if guys should be pickier in terms of sex? I'd say, yeah, it might be nice to have guys be a bit more discerning. If anything, I think it'd clear up a lot of mis-communication. Most women up to a certain age, assume that if a guy sleeps with them, he is into them or attracted to them. Since we know guys are not picky with sex, that is not the case, which usually results in women feeling used or awful about themselves.

 

I think it would behoove men in general to start seeing sex as something they reserve for someone who they are attracted to all the way around, not just because they are horny.

[udolipixie]

Wow you are out of touch. You obviously dont have close male friends who are open and honest with you about their dating life. Difference in wanting kids, a girls emotional capacity, political affiliation, book smarts, and a number of other things can keep a particular guy from not wanting to date her.

 

I just had a recent thread about women, intellect, and politics. Id say at least half of the guys who responded said theyd desire a smart girl who knew a little bit regarding current events and politics.

 

I have plenty of close males who think they're my friend and they're quite open and honest about their dating life. In my experience the amount of guys that don't date a gal due what you listed is a minority. Usually her age, looks, sexual partner count, and not placating his ego keep a guy from dating a gal far more often than her political affiliation or difference in wanting kids.

 

LMFAO @ at what guys say. Often times that doesn't necessarily mean that's what they seek, pursue, or respond to.

 

Yet many guys on this forum are unlike the bitter male posters. And yet most guys I know arent bitter dudes either.

Different opinions as mine is many guys on this forum are quite like the bitter male posters and I can count on one hand the guys that are unlike the bitter male posters.

 

Different experiences on most guys.

 

Unsure why you seem so interested in my application of most men are like bitter male posters.

[ThaWholigan]

I think this is an important distinction to make. Guys seem plenty picky about who they are marry or date.... but when it comes to who they'll take home, oh sure, not picky at all.

 

So is the OP asking if guys should be pickier in terms of sex? I'd say, yeah, it might be nice to have guys be a bit more discerning. If anything, I think it'd clear up a lot of mis-communication. Most women up to a certain age, assume that if a guy sleeps with them, he is into them or attracted to them. Since we know guys are not picky with sex, that is not the case, which usually results in women feeling used or awful about themselves.

 

I think it would behoove men in general to start seeing sex as something they reserve for someone who they are attracted to all the way around, not just because they are horny.

It requires a man to have complete control and understanding of his sexuality and how to channel it. Unfortunately a lot of men don't know how, and end up super horny and frustrated. Which is why a lot of men go to see hookers, but of course the stigma attached to it may cause problems. Being a man myself and having been celibate for a long time, it really is quite difficult to not succumb to sex for it's own sake with a girl you would otherwise not be with because you're horny. It took a girl literally placing it in my lap to finally concede .

[udolipixie]

I think it would behoove men in general to start seeing sex as something they reserve for someone who they are attracted to all the way around, not just because they are horny.

I find that so very amusing.

[ThaWholigan]

Unsure why you seem so interested in my application of most men are like bitter male posters.

 

Probably because it's insulting to him, and to other men who aren't like that.

[kaylan]

I have plenty of close males who think they're my friend and they're quite open and honest about their dating life. In my experience the amount of guys that don't date a gal due what you listed is a minority. Usually her age, looks, sexual partner count, and not placating his ego keep a guy from dating a gal far more often than her political affiliation or difference in wanting kids.

 

LMFAO @ at what guys say. Often times that doesn't necessarily mean that's what they seek, pursue, or respond to.

And the guys you know arent indicative of all men. Your experiences dont represent what most American men do. Its ignorant of you to always act like you can speak on what most men are like...its arrogant as well.

Different opinions as mine is many guys on this forum are quite like the bitter male posters and I can count on one hand the guys that are unlike the bitter male posters.

 

Different experiences on most guys.

And plenty of folks have different experiences then you do. Does that mean what theyve seen can be indicative of all or most men?

Unsure why you seem so interested in my application of most men are like bitter male posters.

Its called a discussion forum. Im simply having a discussion. Should I question why you ever reply to specific posts?

[carhill]

Even if you are not successful with women, should you consider being pickier about who you will date?

In the long run, IMO yes. However, that said, some men, myself included, especially when younger, often do not think of the long run.

 

My historical conundrum has been, when I happen across the rare single lady around here, how long and to what depth do I perform this analysis? If I'm hesitant, whether that be upon meeting or perhaps a date or two, a less-picky competitor who doesn't care about such things spirits the potential away. This has happened many times, and did to some degree form my 'less picky' pattern of selection. This bit me in the ass, most markedly during my M.

 

Since most men will rarely agree on anything regarding denying their base sexual natures in favor of being 'pickier', I like the idea but submit it is doomed to failure. It certainly has failed for me. Ultimately, the winning move is not to play, meaning I won't accept/invest in potentials without 'getting to know', so, around here, that means not dating. Accepted.

Edited September 10, 2012 by carhill
do not to

[udolipixie]

And the guys you know arent indicative of all men. Your experiences dont represent what most American men do. Its ignorant of you to always act like you can speak on what most men are like...its arrogant as well.

Different views. I don't consider it always acting like I can speak on what most men are like to state my perception ala it seems most men are like or what I think most men are like.

 

Quite a difference for me in stating 'most men are' and 'I think most men are'.

 

And plenty of folks have different experiences then you do. Does that mean what theyve seen can be indicative of all or most men?

It means to me they can state their perception or what they think of all or most men like I've done.

 

Unsure where you got that I'm stating, suggesting, or implying my experiences are indicative of all or most men rather than where I get my perception from.

 

Its called a discussion forum. Im simply having a discussion. Should I question why you ever reply to specific posts?

You can if you want to.

 

Nice evasion on answering. Likely you'll evading answering why you're having this discussion with me when in other threads when I show your illogical statements to my posts you shut down stating you won't continue conversing with me becuase you know how I operate and know my MO.

[KungFuJoe]

It's not really about being picky. It's about knowing what you want and being assertive (and lucky) enough to find it!

[kaylan]

Different views. I don't consider it always acting like I can speak on what most men are like to state my perception ala it seems most men are like or what I think most men are like.

 

Quite a difference for me in stating 'most men are' and 'I think most men are'.

You do state "most men are this or that". Only just now do you try to throw in some bogus disclaimer about "perception". I havent seen this disclaimer in your past posts or blog until this very moment.

 

Nice try though.

It means to me they can state their perception or what they think of all or most men like I've done.

 

Unsure where you got that I'm stating, suggesting, or implying my experiences are indicative of all or most men rather than where I get my perception from.

And Im simply telling you many perceptions exist, and that reality is a mixed bag....no singular perception is correct, especially one laced with wide sweeping generalizations.

 

You can if you want to.

 

Nice evasion on answering. Likely you'll evading answering why you're having this discussion with me when in other threads when I show your illogical statements to my posts you shut down stating you won't continue conversing with me becuase you know how I operate and know my MO.

Evasion? Not really. I dont see what was so hard to understand from my last post. I post in threads when I feel like it...and if the discussion seems to be on a dead end road, I end it...hence the other thread.

 

Of course here you go again talking about others being illogical and overusing the smileys. If you were such a master of logic yourself, you would know its illogical to make sweeping generalizations of a large group of people based on a singular perspective. But oh no, I forgot....perceptions cannot be generalizations...isnt that what you were getting at before?

Edited September 10, 2012 by kaylan

[joystickd]

I think this is an important distinction to make. Guys seem plenty picky about who they are marry or date.... but when it comes to who they'll take home, oh sure, not picky at all.

 

So is the OP asking if guys should be pickier in terms of sex? I'd say, yeah, it might be nice to have guys be a bit more discerning. If anything, I think it'd clear up a lot of mis-communication. Most women up to a certain age, assume that if a guy sleeps with them, he is into them or attracted to them. Since we know guys are not picky with sex, that is not the case, which usually results in women feeling used or awful about themselves.

 

I think it would behoove men in general to start seeing sex as something they reserve for someone who they are attracted to all the way around, not just because they are horny.

On some level I agree but the woman also has to realize that sex to a man is different than it is for a woman and accept that. Once a woman truly accepts that she can focus on truly weeding out the men that just want sex. Most people up to a certain age have trouble with the whole sex and feelings thing but that is more about based on experience.

[oaks]

This article says that guys should be less picky, as low standards lead to a better sex life.

 

Low standards key to a good sex life

 

 

and I read it on the internet, so it's a scientific fact.

[udolipixie]

You do state "most men are this or that". Only just now do you try to throw in some bogus disclaimer about "perception". I havent seen this disclaimer in your past posts or blog until this very moment.

 

Nice try though.

I state 'I think most men are this or that', 'it seems most men are this or that', "to me most men are this or that", and such.

 

It's not something recent as my posts generally use the words "to me", "for me", "it seems", "in my opinion", "I think", "I consider" and "I doubt".

 

To me a blog doesn't need to explicity state that the posts are opinions as I consider blogs that are by people who aren't academics to be about their opinions.

 

And Im simply telling you many perceptions exist, and that reality is a mixed bag....no singular perception is correct, especially one laced with wide sweeping generalizations.

Unsure why you're telling me this as nowhere did I state my perception is correct other than for my experience. In fact in another thread I'm repeatedly stating to you that the generalization I make with my perception isn't applicable and nowhere did I state, suggest, or imply otherwise.

 

Of course here you go again talking about others being illogical and overusing the smileys. If you were such a master of logic yourself, you would know its illogical to make sweeping generalizations of a large group of people based on a singular perspective. But oh no, I forgot....perceptions cannot be generalizations...isnt that what you were getting at before?

For me it's illogical to use a sweeping generalization based on a singular perspective to state a fact, the truth, or applicable generalization. I didn't do that I did make a generalization of my experience to state what something seems to me.

 

What I was getting at before was my perception isn't an applicable generalization:

"I haven't made any generalizations about most American men that I stated, suggested, or implied are applicable."

[Els]

It depends on what you're being picky about. Be picky about what you feel really matters to you in a relationship and in a life partner. Be easygoing about the rest. And be wise enough to know the difference.

[jobaba]

Maybe it's just me (I know it isn't) but I feel like I'm attracted to way too many women.

 

There's so many women walking about that I think are physically attractive, and even some of the ones I don't if they are cool or nice, I can become attracted to them as well.

 

Theoretically, this should be good, but I should be more discriminatory towards who I go after. I feel like when I get rejected by a woman, it should be a woman with some unique characteristics or character.

 

Of course, my mind is so fickle on so many matters.

[xxoo]

Theoretically, this should be good, but I should be more discriminatory towards who I go after. I feel like when I get rejected by a woman, it should be a woman with some unique characteristics or character.

 

When you get rejected? What a pessimist!

 

There needs to be more than physical attraction for it to work long term. Do you know anything more about these women before asking them out? Don't any women clearly stand out as someone you want to spend a lot of time with?

[AD1980]

Maybe it's just me (I know it isn't) but I feel like I'm attracted to way too many women.

 

There's so many women walking about that I think are physically attractive, and even some of the ones I don't if they are cool or nice, I can become attracted to them as well.

 

Theoretically, this should be good, but I should be more discriminatory towards who I go after. I feel like when I get rejected by a woman, it should be a woman with some unique characteristics or character.

 

Of course, my mind is so fickle on so many matters.

 

Guys like us[im 32 never been with a women] we have to cast our net as wide as possible imo we cant just wait till some girl who might not exist to come into our lives

 

For me it will probably take tons of rejections for me to go through to even get a number never mind a first date so the odds i can wait for this great women to come and the odds shed then say yes are pretty slim

[kaylan]

Guys like us[im 32 never been with a women] we have to cast our net as wide as possible imo we cant just wait till some girl who might not exist to come into our lives

 

For me it will probably take tons of rejections for me to go through to even get a number never mind a first date so the odds i can wait for this great women to come and the odds shed then say yes are pretty slim

No joke....if I had tons of money, Id travel around the country meeting guys like you and showing you how to meet some ladies.

 

Sure rejection is part of the game, but I really do sympathize for dudes who reach their 20s and 30s without having any luck. I was a slight late bloomer myself, but have really come into my own over the years. (By slight late bloomer I mean I lost my virginity at 18...even though most guys and girls I knew lost it at 14, 15, or 16. So I was the butt of some jokes back then. So though its not on the same level as many other guys, I still can relate just a tad)

 

Theres nothing keeping me from thinking that I couldnt take some of you lads shopping, groom yall up, and have you meet some decent women who are at least within your league.

 

Youll get there buddy. Id say find a good guy friend and go under his wing and learn the trick of the trade.