SpiralOut Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 So I had a first date with someone today and it went really well. From what I can tell, we are both into each other. It has been sooo long since this has happened. Now I am worried that I may have done something wrong at the end of the date to mess it up. I don't think I did, but still. I'm just nervous that maybe I misinterpreted things and he won't call me after all. He wanted to hang out longer today but I was just so tired that I said I wanted to just call it a night. He looked upset when I said that. But then I told him we should meet up again sometime (I really do want to), so he took down my phone number and we kinda stood there awkwardly when saying our goodbyes, so I gave him a hug. Do you think I acted weird? Usually my dates end with me trying to get away from someone who acted like a jerk. But I really like this guy. I don't know. I am probably just being worried for nothing. It feels weird to feel this way.
Ami1uwant Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 You calling it a night wasnt an issue.... but all i can say is you dont know until you hear from him again setting up a date. You never assume he is only dating you. He could be farther along with someone else.
heather_1 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 You didnt do anythign wrong your probably just scared because you finally have a date that went well and you dont want to ruin it. You just need to wait now untill he contacts you.
january2011 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Your calling it a night might have come across as not being interested in him. However, you did suggest a raincheck, so it's not as if you just left him hanging. You'll know if he's interested in taking it further if he calls you to arrange another date - though next time, perhaps make firmer plans and talk about availability, as "sometime" can sound vague. Anyway, the ball is in his court now. All you can do is get on with your life and focus on other things so that you don't obsess over this. Whether or not he calls, at least you know that you're able to have a successful date and can look forward to more successful dates in the future.
Author SpiralOut Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 Yeah. Well it was supposed to just be a coffee date, which then turned into a long walk, then dinner. By that time, we'd been out for like 4 hours, for a first date, and I was tired and it was getting cold and I needed to buy groceries and stuff like that. I hadn't really expected it to go on so long. You're right, I should have suggested a more specific day. Anyway, when I got home I sent him a message telling him I'd had a good time with him, then made reference to a joke we'd made. He responded asking me if I'm free this week so we can meet up again I have trouble showing people that I like them. I think my main problem is that with people I like, they sometimes can't tell if I like them or not (I've been told this before). Any tips for my next date?
The Way I Am Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 (edited) I was about to suggest you send a "I had a good time" text just to make sure you didn't give the impression you weren't interested after calling it a night and not making firm plans. Glad to see you already did that. Like you, I've had a lot of people tell me they can read my interest as well. I've not been diagnosed, but I think it may be due to asperger's. Since I worked on it, I haven't gotten much "I can't tell if you're interested" feedback anymore. The best thing you can do is to do a search on something like physical signs a girl is interested. They're aimed at guys but they can be a big help to us ladies who those things don't come to naturally. Just make sure you don't overdo things. Don't sit around with your tongue sticking out because you read that girls lick their lips when interested. But read enough to get an overview and pick a few things that you feel like you could do naturally to express interest. Make a conscious effort to do those, like smiling and making physical contact such as touching his arm. Edited September 10, 2012 by The Way I Am
Author SpiralOut Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 (edited) Okay so the second date was a bust. We went for dinner. It was going ok until he became interested in talking about drugs. We'd touched on this conversation already in the first date, although on the first date it was me who had sort of made a joke. But he really wanted to get into the subject, including schizophrenia, which made me feel uncomfortable because of my ex being too into weed and having his mental illness. It also seemed like too personal of a subject to discuss in a public place. It's something I would discuss only in a non-public place with someone I feel close to. I hinted a few times I didn't want to talk about it. When he didn't stop, I flat-out told him I didn't want to discuss it. So flag number one. He knew the general area of where I lived. We went for a walk, basically walking towards the direction of my place. I suspected he was steering us there but I was just kinda like whatever. Keep in mind I'm pretty effing lonely, otherwise there is no way I would have invited up to my place, but I did. We started to mess around, of course. And some talking. It felt sort of awkward, but at the same time, like he really liked me. He ran his fingers through my hair, stuff like that. I told him I hadn't dated anyone in a while and that I was nervous. But he wasn't shy about touching me which seemed weird somehow. We did nothing serious. Clothing stayed on. No serious groping or anything. About 10 minutes in, he asked me if I wanted to go all the way. I was shocked. I told him no!! Then I asked him why he'd asked me that. He seemed surprised that I was upset. I explained that I'm looking to take things slow. We stopped what we were doing and sat apart from each other. I could hardly look at him I felt so upset. I asked him what he was looking for. He said someone to talk to, hang out with. He asked if I want a boyfriend. I said well I don't know about that but I am not looking for casual sex. I don't do that anymore. He asked me if I wanted him to leave. I said I don't know. I honestly didn't know if it was best for him to just leave, or for him to stay so we could talk. He decided that he would leave, and he did. Which makes me feel like he doesn't care about me at all. If he cared, wouldn't he have apologized for trying to move so fast on me like that? That's what I thought. Before he left he said "I'll see you later I guess?" I just said yeah sure I guess. I dont know if I want to see him again. I felt like I was connecting with him and I thought he liked me, so this hurts. Edited September 13, 2012 by SpiralOut
ScreamingTrees Posted September 13, 2012 Posted September 13, 2012 Err, that really sucks.. At least you've seen his true colors before he had a chance to really hurt you. You shouldn't let this mishap discourage you, as I'm sure there'll be other guys that you connect with.. Maybe next time, it'll be the opposite scenario.. Where the guy'll come off to a bit of a rocky start but end up really impressing you?
Author SpiralOut Posted September 13, 2012 Author Posted September 13, 2012 Thanks... well I don't know since I am of the opinion that if something is rocky to begin with then it's not meant to be. I guess the exception is if it's someone who starts off as a friend first. I could tell partway through our second date that something was off about him I should have ended the date sooner. I kept getting two completely different ideas of what type of guy he is and I couldn't tell which one was the real one. If he bothers to contact me I won't be seeing him again.
The Way I Am Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 Bummer. He sounds like a creep. I don't think I have to tell you not to take a guy back to your place on the 2nd date if you're not looking to hook up. You seem to know but just made a mistake in judgment. Learn from that for next time. I'm wondering how the guy knew where you live. Maybe I'm just overly cautious, but I wouldn't let a guy pick me up for a date until I was comfortable that I knew him fairly well. Better luck next time.
Author SpiralOut Posted September 14, 2012 Author Posted September 14, 2012 Bummer. He sounds like a creep. I don't think I have to tell you not to take a guy back to your place on the 2nd date if you're not looking to hook up. You seem to know but just made a mistake in judgment. Learn from that for next time. I'm wondering how the guy knew where you live. Maybe I'm just overly cautious, but I wouldn't let a guy pick me up for a date until I was comfortable that I knew him fairly well. Better luck next time. He didn't know exactly where I lived, he just knew the direction of it. I live downtown, so yeah. Yes I knew better. I don't care too much about messing around, there's nothing wrong with having some fun. I've done that before without it turning into anything serious. But I mean, sex is a pretty serious thing to expect after only being in my apartment for 20 minutes. I mean come on! I think living so close to downtown puts the wrong idea into certain guys heads. I never saw it that way before. I'll have to be more careful about explaining where I live, either that or just make it very clear I don't want to bring my dates home. There was one guy who tried to walk me home without even asking me if I wanted him to! I had to ask him repeatedly, why are you walking this way, I thought you lived over there, what are you doing, where are you going? until he confessed that he was trying to walk me home on a sunday afternoon. I had to tell him NO three times because he didn't understand. Okay. Lesson learned.
The Way I Am Posted September 14, 2012 Posted September 14, 2012 He didn't know exactly where I lived, he just knew the direction of it. I live downtown, so yeah. Ah. Gotcha. Yes I knew better. I don't care too much about messing around, there's nothing wrong with having some fun. I've done that before without it turning into anything serious. But I mean, sex is a pretty serious thing to expect after only being in my apartment for 20 minutes. I mean come on!It is pretty ridiculous. Seems like that's what dating is devolving into though. Within the last few years, the hookup culture seems to unfortunately be taking hold. I think living so close to downtown puts the wrong idea into certain guys heads. I never saw it that way before. I'll have to be more careful about explaining where I live, either that or just make it very clear I don't want to bring my dates home.If you can keep it vague with just a general area, I'd do that. Like just "downtown" or "within a few miles from here". If they ask more specifically, say something like, "I like to get to know a guy a little better before I tell him where I live." Then immediately ask him a question about himself so your lack of giving a specific location doesn't just awkwardly hang there. There was one guy who tried to walk me home without even asking me if I wanted him to! I had to ask him repeatedly, why are you walking this way, I thought you lived over there, what are you doing, where are you going? until he confessed that he was trying to walk me home on a sunday afternoon. I had to tell him NO three times because he didn't understandSounds similar to a guy I had a date with once but it was before the date. He kept saying he was going to come pick me up and asking where I lived. I had to tell him multiple times that I didn't want him to. I would just meet him there. That date didn't go well.
Author SpiralOut Posted September 15, 2012 Author Posted September 15, 2012 (edited) Ah. Gotcha. Sounds similar to a guy I had a date with once but it was before the date. He kept saying he was going to come pick me up and asking where I lived. I had to tell him multiple times that I didn't want him to. I would just meet him there. That date didn't go well. Lol I bet it didn't! He's clearly thick! Oh yeah I forgot to mention this guy asked me if I wanted to "go all the way." What?? Who says that?? And he asked me to show him my feet. I told him no!! Like WTF!! Edited September 15, 2012 by SpiralOut
The Way I Am Posted September 15, 2012 Posted September 15, 2012 Oh yeah I forgot to mention this guy asked me if I wanted to "go all the way." What?? Who says that?? And he asked me to show him my feet. I told him no!! Like WTF!! Weirdo!
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