monkey00 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Just some thoughts today that came across my mind. Questions arose, as well as differing scenarios give or take which is relative to any given situation. Personally I view a lot of relationships as having a strong parasitic element to it. We all use each other for personal gain. But do we allow ourselves to be used (and use back) because we want to or because we give in to the nature of it to promote growth in the relationship? Do you view each scenario below as parasitic or mutually beneficial for the existence of the relationship? Scenario 1: Less attractive/average mate working harder to keep the relationship going because their SO is much more attractive than they are. This applies to less attractive woman with good-looking bf and vice versa. In other words, the less attractive one will put up with more crap from the attractive one...so this is hardly a 50/50 relationship. Scenario 2: You have two individuals who are both very resourceful. They don't need each other's help to be honest to get XYZ accomplished in their life. If anything at all, maybe they just need each other to fulfill physical & emotional needs. Aside from that they don't really need each other, in the way that they need the other person's strengths to fill in the void of of their own weaknesses. Without a parasitic give and take, would this kind of relationship fail? Would it demote relationship growth? Would this be better labeled as a FWB? Scenario 3: A mentally, physically, and emotionally weaker mate who has a mate who is strong in all these categories. The strong one will carry through and is happy to do so, while the weaker one is along for the ride and is happy to play sidekick. You might even say they kind of match up in a yin-yang kind of way. Functioning harmoniously but neither are truly balanced. What's your personal view on romantic relationships? And if you are in a R currently, how do you feel about the nature of it?
kae Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 wow you have lots of ideas.. thank you for sharing!! i think that maybe the problem stems from the concept of being used. I am an semi intelligent semi attractive semi indepedent semi everything type of chick. I do have a healthy sensce of self respect and I find that generally date guys are my equals. Well when i date its not for a person to improve my life. i date to find the father of my children. my husband. my bestfriend. even though you may then say its to look for a mutually beneficial relationship its still not. Because i love giving to my love.. and i dont expect the same back. I find a lot of joy in sharing. I will be more than grateful for the honest hardworking loyal person that this person is and need not more.. i just want to be appreciated and respected and trusted. things that are intangible.. i dont know if i helped..
carhill Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 We all use each other for personal gain One question to ponder is whether that is the purpose or the retrospective assessment. By 'purpose' I mean that the path has been given forethought and a calculation of value made, assigned and a strategy conceived. Generally, a parasite takes. That is its purpose. When your dog gets fleas, what positive effect do the fleas bring into the dog's life? I view healthy romantic relationships as a synergistic and proactive sharing of ones person, ones mind, ones emotions and ones resources for the purpose of furthering the totality of the partnership. The difficult part is finding, with clarity, a synergistic and proactive partner. I would see none of the three examples as parasitic, with example three being the closest to that description. If the 'weaker' example was deliberate and calculating about their 'going along for the ride' and returned/shared/offered nothing proactively to the relationship, then that person would meet my definition of a parasite. I would opine that circumstance to be exceedingly rare.
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