thavi Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Hi everyone, so before i write this post I just want to make absolutely clear to everyone reading, that I am in NO WAY interested in getting back with my ex. I am very clear with myself that our break up was the right thing, and am moving on with my life as best I can. Now for a little bit of background, I was dating this girl for 2 years, then we broke up (separated for 1 year) because of long distance, and then we got back together for 9 months. In those 9 months I tried very hard to make our relationship work out, but in the end it just wasn't right for me, I was making too many sacrifices and not getting the love in response from my gf that I believe I deserve. Anyways, after breaking up with my gf she fought hard and was very upset, and showed that she didn't want it to end, but from my end i felt like she had had plenty of chances to show me that over the past 9 months and I just can't wait any longer for her to get on board with me. We have since then been NC, and it has been about a month and a half now. At first she was contacting me by email frequently but i just ignored her and eventually her emails stopped (I believe at the prompting of one of our mutual friends telling her to give me space and leave it alone). Anyways, I am just feeling right now that NC is probably really harsh on this girl, and while I don't in any way want to get back together with her, I do still care about her as a person who I loved very much in my life. I'm feeling right now like I should be supporting her even in the break up because I know it must be very hard for her, and I just don't know what to do, whether I should break no contact and let her talk to me and give her some support, or whether I should continue on with no contact. Again I just want to reiterate that I DO NOT want to get back together with this girl in any way, I just feel like NC while it has been a good thing for me, has probably been very harsh on her. Any insight or personal experiences would be great!
blue_jay_bird Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 I know im going to get alot of hate from the NC's. But maybe just sending a email saying, i don't want a relationship, im sorry, i'v moved on. It will kill her, but i think NC will kill her more.
oracle Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 I know im going to get alot of hate from the NC's. But maybe just sending a email saying, i don't want a relationship, im sorry, i'v moved on. It will kill her, but i think NC will kill her more. I would agree and disagree. As a general rule I don't think NC is the end all be all... We live in the GREY areas of life, and there is no set in stone way that things need to be. Hell i have lived with my ex for 2 years following break up. So there are many ways to skin the cat. BUT in your situation, considering how much time has passed already, I would really be reluctant to open up a channel of communication again. Even though you make it clear in writing, she is bound to think you are reaching back in a way.. and her mind will just start reading into things.
salmagundi Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Don't do it, you'll just be killing her with kindness. Breakups always hurt, especially for the person broken up with. It doesn't matter what you do, if you don't get back with her, she will hurt. The idea that you should, or even could support her in her grief is preposterous. She will live this pain one way or another but she will get over you faster if you don't contact her. If you do you risk her thinking that in fact you're motives are reconciliation. Remember, dumpees analyze the s&*t out of every communication the dumper gives them looking for signs of hope and reconciliation. It was broken, you broke up and that means you are not required to communicate. She will feel bad like everyone on LS, until she heals, finds someone else she really likes and then she will be ecstatic that you dumped her. Let her go and leave her be, you can offer her nothing. You dumped her...
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