Ajax Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Hello friends, Most of the people who were here when I first came to LS have moved on, as is to be expected. But here I am with an all new thread to vent a little out into the ether of cyberspace. I came to LS two years ago, and while I won't go into the details (if you need some late night reading here's the monster thread from then http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/245261-still-pining) but long story short, she left out of the blue to "find herself" August 2010, and we went NC two weeks later. And while we share friends (my best friend is her cousin) and I saw her at a wedding, we've not interacted at all in these last two years. Which brings me to now, just past the second year mark. About a week ago my friend's wife ever so tactfully brought up my ex. And that's not meant with sarcasm, it was a pretty artful way she went about it. I think she wanted to see what reaction, if any, would be evoked by hearing her name. I don't think I gave any, but she continued later by telling me how she was now single again, a fact that I'd already known since my friend's dad had told me a couple months ago. My friends' wife went on to tell me how my ex's family still hopes we'll get back together, and that she thinks she's matured and grown a lot in these past two years. I didn't really know how to respond at the time so I just kind of changed the subject. But a little while later I brought her back up and said that I would actually like to see her at some point down the road, and that while a still carried a torch for her, it would just be nice to be able to be in each other's presence sometime without feeling uncomfortable. Now, for the past few days I've really been thinking more about her again. Two years ago I was a mess, and it took months to pull myself back together. I've dated a few people, though never felt a real spark with any of them. So now I think with it being roughly the two year mark and the fact that my friends wife brought her up again, I'm playing the dangerous "what if" game. I don't really expect any advice on this, as I have never reached out myself nor do I ever intend to do so first. I just needed to get it out.
69ways Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Hello friends, Most of the people who were here when I first came to LS have moved on, as is to be expected. But here I am with an all new thread to vent a little out into the ether of cyberspace. I came to LS two years ago, and while I won't go into the details (if you need some late night reading here's the monster thread from then http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/245261-still-pining) but long story short, she left out of the blue to "find herself" August 2010, and we went NC two weeks later. And while we share friends (my best friend is her cousin) and I saw her at a wedding, we've not interacted at all in these last two years. Which brings me to now, just past the second year mark. About a week ago my friend's wife ever so tactfully brought up my ex. And that's not meant with sarcasm, it was a pretty artful way she went about it. I think she wanted to see what reaction, if any, would be evoked by hearing her name. I don't think I gave any, but she continued later by telling me how she was now single again, a fact that I'd already known since my friend's dad had told me a couple months ago. My friends' wife went on to tell me how my ex's family still hopes we'll get back together, and that she thinks she's matured and grown a lot in these past two years. I didn't really know how to respond at the time so I just kind of changed the subject. But a little while later I brought her back up and said that I would actually like to see her at some point down the road, and that while a still carried a torch for her, it would just be nice to be able to be in each other's presence sometime without feeling uncomfortable. Now, for the past few days I've really been thinking more about her again. Two years ago I was a mess, and it took months to pull myself back together. I've dated a few people, though never felt a real spark with any of them. So now I think with it being roughly the two year mark and the fact that my friends wife brought her up again, I'm playing the dangerous "what if" game. I don't really expect any advice on this, as I have never reached out myself nor do I ever intend to do so first. I just needed to get it out. Stop torturing yourself with what if.... If this is some sort of test that your ex has put up this lady to mention to you she is single and all that, is good you did not react. I understand the spark thing BUT the main theme here is that she left you, she needs to come and ask you if you wants to see her again and not test the waters via a friend. Play cool , dont go around asking this friend about your ex, I got a pretty good idea the whole thing is set up to evaluate your reaction. If she is really so desperate to put her up then she will do a bigger effort but really dont go around sniffing, it might just be nothing and this girl just thought to mention your ex as you are also single. If your ex is not interested then you are opening up wounds, so go on with life leave the what if aside and see what happens.....
Author Ajax Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 Stop torturing yourself with what if.... If this is some sort of test that your ex has put up this lady to mention to you she is single and all that, is good you did not react. I understand the spark thing BUT the main theme here is that she left you, she needs to come and ask you if you wants to see her again and not test the waters via a friend. Play cool , dont go around asking this friend about your ex, I got a pretty good idea the whole thing is set up to evaluate your reaction. If she is really so desperate to put her up then she will do a bigger effort but really dont go around sniffing, it might just be nothing and this girl just thought to mention your ex as you are also single. If your ex is not interested then you are opening up wounds, so go on with life leave the what if aside and see what happens..... I'm well aware of all of these possibilities. And like I said, I have no intention of ever reaching out. She burned the bridge, not me. I guess I'm just a bit nostalgic at the moment.
J0N Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 It's funny, as of today I have been broken up with my ex for 688 days, which is the exact amount of time we dated. We have not spoken or crossed paths since the split. The breakup was peaceful between us, but it broke me (I truly loved her). Much like Ajax I was a mess for a long time. I would be lying if I said I didn't still have feelings or miss her, I haven't done much dating in the past couple years. I focused on putting myself back together and my career. I do yearn for something new, I am ready to meet and date somebody else. At this point, I hope my ex finds whatever it is she is looking for, I have let go and accepted reality. My ex will always be a part of me, I feel like I am not the same person I was a couple years ago. I am older and wiser, I have turned the page. I have met a couple cool girls, but it always seems to be wrong place/wrong time. Hopefully things will change...
YSS Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Ajax Glad to see you are still posting and sharing. What if game is normal given the circumstances of she being single, you also not having found the perfect spark with another. You have come a long way in the time that has passed and we all know how much you cared for her. While your healing has allowed the "head" to know she was not right for you, the heart has a rythmn of it's own to catch up. I know you will not reach out, indulging in the what if fantasy is not the end of the world. Just don't act on it. How are things otherwise, teaching? Missed your posts.
Lemontang Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Hey Ajax, good to see your still kicking around here. I check in once in awhile still too. 2010 certainly wasn't our best year. But it's good to see you've come a long way since, as have I. In fact in similar fashion my old ex and I haven't had any real contact in two years either. However only 2 weeks ago she commented on a post in FB with a mutual friend right after mine. This 'never' happens, in fact we normally avoid any contact especially amongst mutual friends, and I certainly never post on anything she's commented on to avoid any wrong impressions. Heck she even turns tail and runs if we see each other in public. She's not even on my friends list, but then I've nothing to hide as only friends can see my main page anyway, with external comments as was the case here the only thing that can be seen by others. Even the comment she made was of no contribution to the discussion at hand. So I saw it simply as a poor fishing attempt to raise my own curiosity and left it at that. Of course the nostalgia factor kicked in, but like your ex, mine also burn't her bridges. And as much as I may care about her still to a degree. It's the girl I fell in love with I cared about and not the girl she is now. In fact I'd likely check myself in to a nut house if I went back to her for doing something so stupid, that and I've achieved so much more without her in my life than I ever would have if I was still with her. And it's recognising that fact that helped me realised how much I'd moved on. 1
blover Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Hey Ajax, I wont say its good to hear from you since all of our hopes is that we get away from here and find someone again. Just wanted to say Hi, you helped me quite a bit 2 years ago during some tough times. I am still single, trying to find love, doing fantastically well at my job. I think the only thing missing in my life is love right now. take care Ajax
silvermane187 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 (edited) Hey Ajax, I remember your thread. I came here a few months after you, my 2 year break up date it coming up next week. It's making me think more about her than usual. I don't expect to ever hear from her again. I hope one day I'll meet someone that I click with like I did with my ex. A few days I tested myself to see how over her I was by looking at a few pictures. When I try to confront the memory of her like that it almost makes me feel just as bad as it did a couple years ago. The more time goes by the more it becomes clear to me that the chances of that happening are very slim. There's nothing to do except put one foot in front of the other and hope my brain eventually rewires itself from thinking about her all the time. Trying not to devolve into a complete depressive pos in the mean time is proving challenging. Edited September 27, 2012 by silvermane187
Sugarkane Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 Hey Ajax, I think I'm 2 years+ now. I've kind of lost count. Still never been contacted once, even though everyone thinks it happens on here. Never run into my ex once. Dumped cruelly for no reason despite being faithful. As long as you are living your life and not waiting for her. I hope you find someone 200% better.
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