sayt Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 I met a guy in september 2011. hes in a band, that tours. (so throughout the relationship he is away for a few weeks and home for a few weeks over and over.) we began talking when my sister and i went to a show of theirs. my sister is dating someone else in the band, so we weren't complete strangers. we instantly hit it off and had sex the first night we hung out. we texted almost all day every day while he was away on tours and hung out/ i slept at his place almost every day while he was home from tours. he called me his girl but we hadnt exactly talked about us, though it seemed we had a mutual understanding of what we were. in about January he started acting strange and i confronted him asking if we were ok. he said he felt “girlfriended up”. i asked if he wanted space, or to stop seeing me or if he wanted to see other people. he said he just wanted time to work on his career while still seeing me, but didn't want to hurt my feelings if he had to work more. he assured me that he didnt want to see other girls. we kept ‘dating’ and nothing seemed to change. in a later conversation i asked if he still felt that way, and he said that he didn't mean it before and was just scared of getting in a relationship. in around april he began acting weird again. to the point where (i know what i did was wrong) i went through his social media accounts and saw him flirting with other girls very inappropriately, getting naked pictures from them and saying he wanted to have sex with them and they were so hot ect. i finally confronted him and he admitted to it of course, saying that he was wrong for doing it and that he wasn't committed. he had been one foot in the relationship and one foot out. he said he was so sorry and wanted to be with me in a real relationship and would stop doing anything that would hurt me. ive forgiven him but am having a hard time trusting him and forgetting. hes been nothing but great to me since. and since then, weve talked about our present lifes and our future and everything seems wonderful. but, i keep thinking of the past. he is currently gone for a month. this is the first “tour” hes been on since we talked and established what is ok and not in our relationship. he knows im having a hard time and is being very supportive. but sometimes i feel like im smothering him by telling him when im scared and sad. we spent most of july and all of august together (everyday that he was home) bonding and growing in our relationship. i feel like our relationship has never been stronger, but at the same time ive never been more afraid of getting hurt. id just like some advice on it, maybe some reassurance that what im feeling is normal. or any outside thoughts/opinions.
GLDheart Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 You are dating a party guy. His lifestyle and your wishes of a settled down monogamous relationship are incompatible. This is crass but it reminds me of the (gender reversed) expression "you can't make a whore into a housewife".
Author sayt Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 im not so sure hes a 'party guy' he doesnt drink he doesnt like to go out at night really i mean i get the assumption because hes in a band
GLDheart Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 ... i get the assumption because hes in a band ... and slept with you the first night. ...and sexts with other girls. ...and whatever other behaviors he is up to that you didn't allude to in your original post. You are right. I don't know him from a hole in the wall. You know him. Why is it that you think he is somehow a different guy from that one that hooked up with you so carefree back in the beginning?
BetrayedH Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 A person that wants to reconcile after cheating needs to practice appropriate boundaries (never having personal conversations with someone of the opposite sex, never being alone in a room with a person of the opposite sex, etc) in order to rebuild trust with the betrayed party and to learn how to avoid tempting situations. Being on tour allows none of that. He's like an alcoholic that's taken a job as a bartender with no one to hold him accountable for 3 months. I don't see this ending well unless you stick your head really far in the sand.
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