kitkatrose Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Hello everyone. I broke up with my boyfriend about 8 weeks ago. We were together for nine months. We didn't have the happiest of relationships. Three months in I noticed that he had become cold and distant and I asked him what what was wrong and he said it was his work as he was quite stressed. Shortly after that I found out that he was using dating sites and chatting to girls. I was very hurt and he said that maybe he had done it because subconsciously he had doubts about me, but these doubts were very trivial things and included the fact that I didn't cook for him and wasn't as careful as he was with money. He was very apologetic and I gave him another chance. But I then began to notice a side to him that I didn't really like, the fact that he could be very selfish. Before I had noticed that we never went out because he didn't want to. We never did anything I wanted to do and I just did what he wanted. I didn't feel appreciated at all. He also said he wasn't really in love with me because he isn't capable of feeling big feelings and wasn't even very in love with his ex (they were together many years and was his only girlfriend before me). I know this sounds so negative but he also had good points! :-) A couple of months later I ended it because I wanted to find someone who really loved me and made me feel important, which he really didn't, but he wanted to get back with me and he said he was happy with me and really, really cared for me and didn't want to think about his doubts anymore. So I gave him another chance. But it wasn't to be and I told him I couldn't be with anymore. He agreed, although I know he would never have ended it with me. He always said he wanted to stay with me. However, I felt so unloved and couldn't deal with his selfish behaviour and I also don't think I was very pleasant to be with as every little thing made me angry and I was always sad and I am sure I made his life a misery because of this. I think we could have stayed friends, because we parted quite amicably and I saw him the week after and he was very upset and wanted to see me. He called me in the evening and I explained to him I didn't want to hurt him but that maybe he should know that I had a date with someone else. He was very hurt and angry and didn't speak to me for a few days. We met up a few days later and he said that he couldn't stay with me because of his doubts and that maybe he had acted selfish because of them. He mentioned a couple of new doubts, but they were so unimportant and irrelevant, like the previous ones. That made me very upset. We didn't speak for a few weeks, during which I deleted him from facebook because he was putting lots of pictures of his trips with his friends on and it was hurting me because he had never wanted to go away anywhere with just me. I wrote to him explaining why I had done it, but I ended up getting upset and suggesting we try again. I did really miss him. He said that he couldn't be in a relationship where he had doubts and wasn't sure. I feel so angry because of this. I told him that I never wanted to see him again and I haven't. I don't think he would ever have ended it himself. I am not sure how to get over my anger. It's actually a mixture of anger and also self-blame because I know I should have just ended it a long time ago. I feel like I suffered for nothing and I that our breakup had nothing to do with his doubts and it was in fact his behaviour that was the reason behind it. I just wish I could forget him and move on :-(
weallfalldown Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 hold on?.......you told him you had a date etc?....but were hurt and angered by him putting pics on fb of him and his mates>? You sound like the selfish one........yea i can understand if he taunted you with the no love thing......but like you said, you could have ended it earlier. You just sound bitter to be honest, we all feel like that sometimes.... Your the one that ended it......so move on, and stop crying about it.
Author kitkatrose Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 hold on?.......you told him you had a date etc?....but were hurt and angered by him putting pics on fb of him and his mates>? You sound like the selfish one........yea i can understand if he taunted you with the no love thing......but like you said, you could have ended it earlier. You just sound bitter to be honest, we all feel like that sometimes.... Your the one that ended it......so move on, and stop crying about it. I really, really didn't want to hurt him. I really cared for him. I was worried he might see us out together and think we had been seeing each other for a long time. I know it was wrong, but I didn't do it for that reason. It was a stupid thing to say, I know. I don't think I'm selfish. I realise it was a very silly thing to do. And the breakup with sort of mutual. He agreed that he had been thinking the same thing for a few days.
weallfalldown Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Mutual endings are easy to discuss, it's the actual "letting go" that's the hard part......one usually doesn't want to.......just move forward, and don't contact him, it's the only way forward. 1
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