damagedinc Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Here's my story and any advice would be appreciated I have been dating this woman for almost 3 years. There is quite the age difference between us, 15 1/2 years to be exact. I am a 39 divorced man and she is 24. We are amazing together, and age isn't even an issue when we are together, but I told her that I wasn't sure if I wanted to get married again or want any more kids (have one already) and that if she couldn't except that then we might as well end it early so neither us could get hurt. She decided to stay with me. As our relationship progressed to the year point, she did the unthinkable - she missed taking the pill for close to a week in hopes of getting pregnant. She got her wish. She finally admitted it to me when we were in the doctor's office. I had no idea bout this! I thought it was an oopsie. I was furious!! When prodded bout why, she doesn't know why. She still to this day is unable to give me a direct answer. I can only speculate why? maybe she did it cuz she was having baby fever or all her friends were having one or I was sooooo wishy washy about having another one ... she figured she'd make up my mind for me? I don't know! Even thought I was very upset about her deception. I forgave her and embraced that fact that I was gonna be a father again. About 6 months into her pregnancy, my parents convinced me to marry her. I thought about it and realized that I love her very much so we got engaged. My daughter was born and is now just over a year and we have been living together for almost two years now. Everything has basically changed in our relationship - we let go of ourselves and got comfortable, and hardly find time to do any of the things we used to do when we were just dating. She is a mom now, and I am second. Being a parent already I realize that your kids come first but again I never thought I was going to have anymore kids and I feel I really never even had the chance to get to know her as my girlfriend!! I even realized that I fell apart and wasn't the same man she fell in love with so I started to work out hardcore again for myself as well as my relationship. I really thought that she would follow suit, but she has yet to even try in that regards. Just recently I have been experiencing anxiety and over all doubt about everything. I have a lot of other stresses in my life and other factors that affect me. I think I am having a hard time accepting things and am having trust issues with my fiancée. I know that I don't like the fact that I no longer have any options, and that I am kinda stuck in this situation, but at the same time ... I love her very deeply and she is the best woman I have ever met. I guess I am kinda feeling a little smothered and basically trapped in a situation that I had absolutely no choice in. I mean I know that it takes two to tango and I could have taken my own precautions, but I trusted her and thought that we were protected enough and she basically made the choice for me. I kinda also think that she did it so she could move in with me without her parents blessing (her parents are very religious) and they wouldn't have approved of us living together unless we were married. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way. I feel very guilty about it, but I can't shake it. I feel despair when I think about getting married again, and going thru it all over again. My marriage/divorce was very nasty with my son being taken away from me at a very young age; a lengthy court battle for my son, and still to this day I fight with his mother all the time. I don't want to leave her and Yes, that was the past, and now is the present, but there is now some red flags to deal with and I am kinda worried about the future. HELP!!
ja123 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 You have evey right to be feeling upset. Don't feel guilty. You were lied to. This is an incredibly unfair situation for you. I think you need to have couple conselling at this point to help her admit her deception and apologiz. Then, you two need to come up with a game plan on how to make things work for all parties concerned.
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