VioletFemme Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 So...I haven't much need to read here anymore, but I did want to extend a thank you. To give a brief summary: I started seeing a married but seperated man in about February. We had been friends (neighbors) for several months before the friendship became a physical relationship. He was completely seperated physically from his wife and family (living in a seperate place) but was still really involved with his kids and consequently his wife. I tried to see the relationship as a "FWB" thing, tried to accept it, tried to be content. In the end, my struggle was that I wanted more: more time, energy, autheticity, etc. Reading here was sometimes painful, and sometimes I really hated the responses I got. Sometimes I thought--and still think--that people answer from their own agenda and their own pain and are far too harsh and judgemental. But...the overwhelming evidence on these boards was a huge help to me. What I had, what I went through, what happened in my situation--was NOT unique. I read story after story and tale after tale...and came to the conclusion that I couldn't wait, hope, and waste time waiting for him to get his life together. I started dating again. Seriously dating...not just killing time, but dating in the hopes of finding a partner. I got lucky. I've been seeing a wonderful man for about six weeks now; its been two months since I've seen the MM. We have still chatted occassionally but the intensity is gone...and...I am so glad I made the decision I did. See, about two weeks after I started seeing my new man, the MM reconciled with his wife. Moved back in, said he was trying to make another go of it for his kids....I saw, in that moment, that I WAS just a piece of comfort that he was using to get through his own stuff. I was angry--at myself. Having your worst fears answered makes you feel silly. As in, I KNEW better than to get involved with a guy who hadn't sorted out his own life first...and if I had still been waiting and hoping when he had went back to his wife? I think it would have devestated me. I'm grateful I had already moved on. The reconciliation did not last, by the way. Two weeks after he moved in, he had moved back out...and called me. Of course. And my reply was that I have a good thing going and don't have any interest in anyone else. Anyway. I'm glad I found this place. I have to say that the mean advice, the "sorry but I'm just telling the truth, calling it like it is, being blunt" words that were, in the end, just mean--those aren't the things that helped me. Seeing other people's stories; seeing the pain and hurt of being involved with a person who can't give you everything; hearing from people who were able to gently phrase the "bad news"--these are the things that helped me. For these things, and those people, I say thank you. And--from a really good place in my life, where I feel lucky and happy and blessed--I wholeheartedly wish that everyone here finds what they are looking for, and that it brings them joy. 10
AnotherRound Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 We all deserve happiness, and I'm glad that you found some on this big planet. Here's hoping that you get all you want in life, and thanks for sharing your story. I have also had some of the "mean" comments. Some people just aren't able to see outside of their own head, hope you didn't take it personally as it honestly had nothing to do with you. (It wasn't me, I wasn't mean! lol) Good luck and godspeed.
It's Just Me Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Awesome! And very, very wise words. Never get involved with someone who doesn't have their sh*t together after a divorce/separation. They themselves need to wait quite a while before getting involved with someone else. Period. Did I learn this the hard way? Yep. Did I subsequently start screening potential dates for this little nugget? Absolutely. Glad you're happy, Violet! Love to hear about happy endings, especially around here. The painful stories need some balance.
Adamgem Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 What a beautiful post. Thank you! I really hope everything works out well for you!
sad puppy Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 My favorite ending - where you tell him to take a hike (back to his sad, miserable marriage), and you move on with a fabulous man. Very good!!
EmptyHeartGirl Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 So happy for you! Best of luck with your new beginning!
Silly_Girl Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Nice one, sunshine! Love these posts. Good luck
skywriter Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Violet, ((Big Hugs))) and I'm so glad you were strong and put your needs first. I'm hoping this man you are seeing will be everything you deserve and more.
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