Am313 Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 (edited) I dated this woman for about a year, lots of ups and downs but our connection was incredible, great chemistry, best of friends.* Background: She's 27, been divorced for two years with two small children. She's just finished another court proceeding because she moved back to her home state. Her ex husband plays emotional mind games and can be quite petty. She is insecure at times, rules by her emotions. Very stubborn Me, I'm 25 no kids no ex wife, no baggage. I'm fine with her baggage. I'm not financially where I want to be but I have a great job, in school, and I'm very self confident and constantly motivated.* Our relationship: Started off very casual, just messing around. Eventually we started having feelings. Lots of back and forth, ups and downs, fast forward about 4 months and we started a loving, fun, relationship. We did a lot of things together that were firsts for both of us. She doesn't really trust guys she's dated but admitted she trusts me. Says I'm one of three people who actually know who she really is. She says she's never felt this way abou anyone ever before.* After lots of fights (mostly drunk ones) and her going through outside stresses, she breaks up with me. I go NC Immediately and within a week she's begging me back, but I ignored her for two more weeks. Finally we try again, saying she's sorry, we belong together, and we're strong enough to get past this. Well, she starts blowing hot and cold. I break up and she wants me back, then blows cold again. She says she messed up from things and doesn't know how to be in a relationship anymore and she hates it because she loves me so much. Finally, about a week later I started a huge fight that lasted for three days, and started ripping at her emotions (involves other women). She eventually says she in love with me and believes we can make it work, we're just not ready right now and that we need to talk. We set up a date and time to talk. That day comes around and she emails me saying that she's so hurt and scarred from things going on, the intensity of us scares her, shes doesn't know how to open up anymore, she's running away from me, and she wants us to stop because it's the only way to salvage what's left. She says if we're meant to be we're meant to be and we need to distance ourselves for now. I immediate agreed to the break up and said she made the right choice, and that I wanted to hear the answer because it's the truth. She seemed upset by this and said it was "bs" and I'm "rationalizing things" to feel better. I went NC immediately. Haven't said a word since. Well, the night she emailed me dumping me (a week ago) she showed up to a bar I was at with another guy. I was there with another girl (they know each other). My ex knew I was there because she walked right by my car. I didn't say a word and stayed away. This weekend, she takes this guy to OUR regular bar, the place where everyone knows we are a couple. I didn't go up at all because I knew she'd do just that. My questions are: Why is she bringing this guy around our hangouts and mutual friends?* Is it possible to get her back? How can I get her to miss me or think about me? Also, is it a good or bad idea to send an apology text. Short, simple, and sincere. No emotions involved, just an apology for pushing her out of her comfort zone and being mean to her. I don't know if this is a good idea because I don't want to feed her ego and she's probably talking to another guy. Edited September 9, 2012 by Am313
Clarice Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 From what you have said it seems quite obvious to me. She is scared of the way she feels about you, when you love someone that much you know how hurt you can get. She probably doesn't feel in control of her emotions so she is pushing them away. You agreeing to the break up has most likely confirmed that you don't care as much as she does. The whole pride thing NEEDS to stop if you have any chance at all. Tell her you will not play these games and that you need to know where you stand. Her taking guys to where you both used to go together is just another game
Author Am313 Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 I dunno, maybe I'm paranoid or maybe it's my gut. I knew she was trying I talk to other guys when we were split and trying to work it out. I really feel like she lined this guy up and when she knew it would work out she let go of me. The email she wrote me was long. Said she doesn't want to hurt me but she knows she's going to. She talks about running away from me and that she needs is to stop. I dunno....
Clarice Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 She clearly needs to sort her head out which is something you cannot help with. Trust me my ex tried and it didn't work. I ended up dumping him and started dating again because I thought someone else could give me what I was looking for. When that didn't happen I was forced to look at myself and then realised it was my insecurities that led to the break up. I missed him so much and do you know what he did? Absolutely nothing! Didn't contact me at all! I contacted him after a couple of months and we got back together. What I am trying to say is that I had to work it out for myself
Author Am313 Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 Should I send an apology text? Short and simple? I'm not going to lie, a part of me is trying to keep me on her mind. I don't want to push her further away so I'm not contacting her at all. However, I don't want her to feel I don't care and that I don't love her, but I can't send that kind of a text either.
Clarice Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 It's up to you as you are the one that knows her. What exactly are you apologising for?
Author Am313 Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 Apologize for starting a fight, ripping at her emotions, and purposely being mean to her. I explained that I did all that to push her away so she couldn't hurt me.
Author Am313 Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 Well this morning I sent her the apology, which she ignored. This is the first contact in a week. I was kind of expecting her to ignore it. I just apogized for pulling at her emotions and pushing her out of her comfort zone. I also said that I didn't date her to rescue her or any of that non sense, but because she made me happy and many other reasons (she had said recently that I act like it was a pity relationship.....it wasn't). I left it at that. I know she is seeing someone else and I don't want to get involved because it will make everything worse. I wish there was a button I could press that would make me move on.
Clarice Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Well you have apologised now so I wouldn't do anything else! She seems to be a bit confused but I still maintain she is playing games
Author Am313 Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 Yeah, I'm not going to. Nothing I can do really, only make it worse. I still have a gut feeling that this guy was lined up before we split.* When we were making plans to talk about us, she mentioned that "I'm scared to talk about this, instead I've been running from you for months". It should be mentioned that the weekend fight we had she wasn't home. She would go out after work, and then stay the night at someone's house. In any event anything I do will make things worse. I don't beg and plead or go crazy. In fact her mom even told me after we split the first time and we were trying to work things out that I'm the first guy that hasn't gone crazy over her. Apparently one guy did and was freakin' devastated, another almost got a PPO put against him. But regardless, I don't do the whole going crazy thing.* My point is that even if she is unsure how I exactly feel about her, me telling her (calmly or otherwise) will just make her run further away from me. I really do love her, probably much more than I think. I don't know why, but I do. I don't think I've ever cared about someone as much as I have her. It's weird because there's always been this nagging feeling that I can't marry her. Maybe she felt that, too. It's insane because no one else I've ever been with (and I've had my share) has ever made me feel as amazing and happy as she has. At the same time, no one has ever made me feel as bad as she has.* I dunno, like I said, wish there was a button.
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