LostGirl11 Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 I'm a complete mess tonight, I feel like emailing him to pour my heart out and beg for him to give us another go, I want to tell him that I can prove to him that we can work. I'm not going to which is why I'm posting! I feel like if I dont beg then I'll lose him. Gosh, I'm going crazy, have I no self respect left.
ponette Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 if you beg, you WILL ensure his disrespect. make a show of strength and maintain radio silence. nothing puts another person off like begging and pleading. i know from firsthand experience. trust me on this one. 2
Author LostGirl11 Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 I understand! It is so damn hard! My husband left almost 3weeks ago and I am still struggling, but pleasevdo not beg him!!!!! I know it is hard, I really know as does everyone else on here, I want my husband back, more than anything, but I think he needs time, and maybe he will come back, maybe he won't, we were together 7 years married 5 then he decided to mess about with someone else, I forgave him but he couldn't forgive himself ( he is overly sensitive lol) you will hear this a lot, but please be strong! I went out last night, I really didn't want to but I made myself go and I had a brill nite! Maybe other people won't agree with me, but if you feel if it's worth fighting for then fight! If it is meant to be then it will be Good luck Xxx Thats where I get confused. Whats the difference between fighting for something and begging?
Author LostGirl11 Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 It's a fine line! Do not cry in front of him, do not say the words please come back, that is showing them weakness and giving them control, show them that u are ok, maybe write a letter, just saying you love them you want them back but you accept their decision, it will shock them! My ex hubby is stunned because I am acting different to when he has left before, you have to do what you think or feel is right, I don't agree that every man leaves because he is getting it elsewhere, that is just people who have been cheated on giving their personal opinion. It is to always the case, men are humans too, they have feelings too, and they do not like to admit they are wrong. Stay strong, if you can stay calm and talk to them then do that, but otherwise, write to them, it gives them time to think it over in their heads, without getting confrontational. Xxxx Hmm thats the thing. I'm not sure if you've read my other treads but the last thing he said to me when I asked if we could have a calm chat was 'Get f**ked'
Calico Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Hmm thats the thing. I'm not sure if you've read my other treads but the last thing he said to me when I asked if we could have a calm chat was 'Get f**ked' There is simply no way I would ever contact a person who said that to me. I'd rather eat *****, to put it bluntly. There are limits, and that's beyond it. Do not contact him. Move forward instead. You can do it! 1
oracle Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 You are caught up in the hopelessness of the moment. Tomorrow is a new day. 1
Calico Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 You are caught up in the hopelessness of the moment. The moment is the only reality there is, though. I find it sometimes helpful to focus on the present (paying attention to one's breathing can achieve that), the is-ness, and ask yourself what right now the problem is (and if right now there is a problem). Then it boils down to three choices: Is there anything I can do to change the situation right now?Can I (do I want to) remove myself from the situation?If neither of the above, then can I (for right now) accept that there is nothing I can do? (And then you ease into accepting that right now things are the way they are, and that in this moment, this is neither good nor bad.) Most of us constantly jump between the past and the future. Neither really matters in the moment, so spending a bit of conscious time in the "now" provides a break from the thoughts racing all over the place.
oracle Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 The moment is the only reality there is, though. I find it sometimes helpful to focus on the present (paying attention to one's breathing can achieve that), the is-ness, and ask yourself what right now the problem is (and if right now there is a problem). Then it boils down to three choices: Is there anything I can do to change the situation right now?Can I (do I want to) remove myself from the situation?If neither of the above, then can I (for right now) accept that there is nothing I can do? (And then you ease into accepting that right now things are the way they are, and that in this moment, this is neither good nor bad.) Most of us constantly jump between the past and the future. Neither really matters in the moment, so spending a bit of conscious time in the "now" provides a break from the thoughts racing all over the place. I agree but you missed my point. Most people get worked up that they can't see beyond the suffering of the now. That passes and it improves typically with time. Keep calm and carry on. Don't react and do anything out of desperation. Some people just can't even get into the process of doing the mental breakdown like you suggest (and Im all for that, you know I have written a lot about my 3 rules) when they are that upset.
Author LostGirl11 Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 There is simply no way I would ever contact a person who said that to me. I'd rather eat *****, to put it bluntly. There are limits, and that's beyond it. Do not contact him. Move forward instead. You can do it! Every time I want to reach out I remind myself of him saying that to me, then I ask myself 'Why do I want to contact someone that spoke to me that way, why do I want to know somone that thinks its ok and normal to talk to a woman like that' And then the anger kicks in. I thought I was being over sensitive, but that really is below the belt isn't it?
geegirl Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 (edited) I'm a complete mess tonight, I feel like emailing him to pour my heart out and beg for him to give us another go, I want to tell him that I can prove to him that we can work. I'm not going to which is why I'm posting! I feel like if I dont beg then I'll lose him. Gosh, I'm going crazy, have I no self respect left. There is nothing wrong with you. It's the normal wave of emotions that you will have to go through after a break-up. Your emotions will get the best of you, especially the ones that make you want to surrender. Feel them but DO NOT react. If you give yourself time to let it come, embrace it and talk yourself out of it, it will pass. If a guy told your sister to get f*ED, what would you tell her? You would of course tell her to go back and beg for him to work it out. Yes? Edited September 10, 2012 by geegirl
Author LostGirl11 Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 There is nothing wrong with you. It's the normal wave of emotions that you will have to go through after a break-up. Your emotions will get the best of you, especially the ones that make you want to surrender. Feel them but DO NOT react. If you give yourself time to let it come, embrace it and talk yourself out of it, it will pass. If a guy told your sister to get f*ED, what would you tell her? You would of course tell her to go back and beg for him to work it out. Yes? To be fair, I have only felt this kind of desperate urge 3 or 4r times, and I haven't reacted to any of them, the feeling has passed, then I feel a wash of relief that I didn't contact him. Pfft, I tell her to **** him off! I just felt like I was being a bit of a girl about that is all.
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