Squidoo Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Boy do I hate mind f****ry! Split from my ex 3 months ago, I was the dumper and regretted it immediately and i told him that fact the very same day but he would have none of it. Over this time the maximum we've gone without contact is a little over 2 weeks. I understand he no longer has feelings for me anymore, but why is he pushing me towards 2 men that he knows have shown an interest in me? He'll say things like "I think you should give such and such a try" or " have you slept with any men yet?" WTF! Why ask questions like that? He's told me there's a woman who's asked him out for a coffee and he says he might just go. He then said there's a woman he would like to date, and I've acted mature about it and said that I'm pleased for him I said no more or no less than that and he retaliated with.......and no before you ask I haven't had sex with her! I would never dream of asking that question I wouldn't want to know even if he had ( he also said about them not having sex on a separate occasion also). This was follwed somewhere along the question with well i might not date her i'll see! He contradicts constantly from saying he wants to settle down eventually and then in the next breath he says he's happy on his own. He's told me he misses me and thinks of me daily, i wish he wouldn't say that it just makes it all the more confusing for me. Now in this 3 month split I have done the unforgivable and slept with him on 3 separate occasions, and yes I know it's wrong! After the last time we slept together he text the following day saying that maybe we should give the sex thing a rest and I said I understood. I decided to go no contact for the sake of myself, but 3 days later he contacted me and also sent some photos of his "bits"! Why do this to me? He likes another woman and is doing this. I'm not innocent in all of this as I did flirt back, but then a week later after sending some other photos he then obviously felt guilty and said that he needs to respect me. I decided from that point on to go back to NC, I've had good days and bad but I have to say the good have been more frequent. Unfortunately 4 days ago I literally bumped into him, he gave me a kiss and a hug and I asked how he was but he had another bloke with him and I could see it was difficult for him to chat so I politely said my goodbyes and carried on my way. Within 2 minutes of me leaving him he phoned me apologising for not being able to chat, I simply said hey no worries I could see you were busy and apart from a little more convo I left it at that and told him I'd leave him to get on. I am quite proud of myself with this part as normally after seeing him I push for more and more contact by texting etc etc but I haven't I've left him to get on with the confused world he seems to be still living in. It sounds like we're teenagers but we are far from it, I'm in my late 30's and he is in his early 40's. Do I want him back? Yes I do.....but I have to say that it seems to be getting easier day by day and I live for the day i'm completely free from this anguish.
Author Squidoo Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 Thanks Kathryn, I'm sure he probably does has feelings deep down but I really don't think he wants to get back together. We've agreed to be friends from the start but of late I've always been the one to make contact. It's hard to hang out with him as he works away 3 / 4 weeks at a time and then when he's back he's busy catching up with admin and having his boys. I think if I suggested going for a coffee he'd think I was after more, and he did say the other day he didn't want to hurt anyone and I take that anyone to be me!
oracle Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Hes asking cause hes NOT OVER YOU. he wants to know what you are upto. Saying he has no feeling is his ego kicking in. Read my post at the top of the section. Rule 1 and 2 apply right off the bat
Author Squidoo Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 I'd love to think that he's not over me and that there could be a chance, but he gives me no indication of that being the case. I had been doing the contact of late apart from a few days ago when he phoned me and when I do it pretty much revolves around wanting to know about my sex life or what things i wold like to do that I haven't yet done with another man. Maybe I'm being dumb, but to be honest I just took it that it turns him on to know. He's told me he wants me to be happy and by him and I not falling back into bed together I'll be able to find that person. He told me he didn't like being dumped ( well who would!) and that he just sees it that he was lucky to have spent the 8 months we had together ( we were friends for 3 years previous) So to me it sounds like he's done and dusted with me. Thanks oracle I'll check out your post
Author Squidoo Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 I also forgot to say that he had told me he had not had sex with another woman but had done other sexual things with her. I didn't really make much of a comment to him, but a few days later he said that he'd made it up because he thought it sounded good!! To be honest the chances are he probably did do something, but either way he lied about it.... But why tell me that in the first place?
barese1 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 I have my own issues with my ex and her seeing someone but... She has the decency not to tell me stuff like what your ex is telling you. that is just not on. I'd back away from this guy, he's trying to make you jealous and regardless of if he wants you back or not he sounds like a twat
Author Squidoo Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 Ha ha barese that really made me laugh out loud but I don't really have issues with him seeing somebody else as I see it as not being my business. That's not to say I don't like it though, just don't know why he chooses to tell me!
flitzanu Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Boy do I hate mind f****ry! Split from my ex 3 months ago, I was the dumper and regretted it immediately and i told him that fact the very same day but he would have none of it. Over this time the maximum we've gone without contact is a little over 2 weeks. I understand he no longer has feelings for me anymore, but why is he pushing me towards 2 men that he knows have shown an interest in me? He'll say things like "I think you should give such and such a try" or " have you slept with any men yet?" WTF! Why ask questions like that? He's told me there's a woman who's asked him out for a coffee and he says he might just go. He then said there's a woman he would like to date, and I've acted mature about it and said that I'm pleased for him I said no more or no less than that and he retaliated with.......and no before you ask I haven't had sex with her! I would never dream of asking that question I wouldn't want to know even if he had ( he also said about them not having sex on a separate occasion also). This was follwed somewhere along the question with well i might not date her i'll see! He contradicts constantly from saying he wants to settle down eventually and then in the next breath he says he's happy on his own. He's told me he misses me and thinks of me daily, i wish he wouldn't say that it just makes it all the more confusing for me. Now in this 3 month split I have done the unforgivable and slept with him on 3 separate occasions, and yes I know it's wrong! After the last time we slept together he text the following day saying that maybe we should give the sex thing a rest and I said I understood. I decided to go no contact for the sake of myself, but 3 days later he contacted me and also sent some photos of his "bits"! Why do this to me? He likes another woman and is doing this. I'm not innocent in all of this as I did flirt back, but then a week later after sending some other photos he then obviously felt guilty and said that he needs to respect me. I decided from that point on to go back to NC, I've had good days and bad but I have to say the good have been more frequent. Unfortunately 4 days ago I literally bumped into him, he gave me a kiss and a hug and I asked how he was but he had another bloke with him and I could see it was difficult for him to chat so I politely said my goodbyes and carried on my way. Within 2 minutes of me leaving him he phoned me apologising for not being able to chat, I simply said hey no worries I could see you were busy and apart from a little more convo I left it at that and told him I'd leave him to get on. I am quite proud of myself with this part as normally after seeing him I push for more and more contact by texting etc etc but I haven't I've left him to get on with the confused world he seems to be still living in. It sounds like we're teenagers but we are far from it, I'm in my late 30's and he is in his early 40's. Do I want him back? Yes I do.....but I have to say that it seems to be getting easier day by day and I live for the day i'm completely free from this anguish. why is he doing it? umm, to bang you. you've been sleeping with him after you've dumped him, so why wouldn't he keep showing that he wants to sleep with you? it's easy and no commitment on his part.
Author Squidoo Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 I only slept with him in the early part of the split, I've not slept with him in weeks. He said we shouldn't do it anymore and I agreed, so I don't see why he has to go through the scenarios of who he's dating, wanting to date or who wants to date him, and why the hell he wants to know who I've been dating, sleeping with blah blah blah.
geegirl Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 (edited) You're in your late 30s and he is in his 40s. I'm in his age bracket and I can't fathom going through this juvenile behavior. Communicate. Sit down and talk about the relationship. What transpired and why you ended. Be honest about why you now believe you should have never ended it. Ask him where his head is and why he's behaving the way he is. If he can't give you an adult answer or if you both have no capacity to be emotionally mature about what you want, as that will help you both move on or work on it, then it's time to leave each other alone. All this assuming, guessing and wondering is futile. You can come here and ask a million questions and you won't get your answers. You both are grown enough to work this out rather than play these silly cat and mouse games. Edited September 10, 2012 by geegirl
Author Squidoo Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 It was one of the off the cuff retorts that was said in the heat of the moment. And I took it back immediately but he would have none of it. I never begged, pleaded, cried or became crazed with texts or phone calls. You're right It is or should I say was cat and mouse games, however in order to end it I went no contact. In this 3 month split we have talked about it and he simply says he didn't like being dumped! Maybe it's his way off saying I'll show you for doing that to me, who knows!
geegirl Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 It was one of the off the cuff retorts that was said in the heat of the moment. And I took it back immediately but he would have none of it. I never begged, pleaded, cried or became crazed with texts or phone calls. You're right It is or should I say was cat and mouse games, however in order to end it I went no contact. In this 3 month split we have talked about it and he simply says he didn't like being dumped! Maybe it's his way off saying I'll show you for doing that to me, who knows! He doesn't like being dumped, hence the games? So there really is no legitimacy to any of this except for you to just NC and keep moving on. He can't play games if he has no one to play with. If he gives you something of substance, then by all means, work with that. He's giving you nothing that should make you question or want to play mouse.
Author Squidoo Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 I think he's too stubborn or proud to ever give me any substance to work on. There was a blip a few days ago where I bumped into him, and he phoned me 2 minutes later but apart from that the NC carries on.
geegirl Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 (edited) I think he's too stubborn or proud to ever give me any substance to work on. There was a blip a few days ago where I bumped into him, and he phoned me 2 minutes later but apart from that the NC carries on. "Stubborn and proud" are just traits of game-playing, emotional immaturity. It's not an indication that there is anything more behind that. He may not be giving you anything of substance because he has nothing to give you. He quickly agreed to the break-up the moment you conveyed it. You've given him chances to turn it around and he hasn't. It says something. Edited September 10, 2012 by geegirl
Author Squidoo Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 I've always known be doesn't want me back, that was never the issue. It was the silly games for no apparent reason that I can't fathom. However I'm glad to say that each day gets better and that alone puts a smile on my face
TaraMaiden Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 FML, I hate it. He's 9. Again with the kid in the man....
geegirl Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 I've always known be doesn't want me back, that was never the issue. It was the silly games for no apparent reason that I can't fathom. However I'm glad to say that each day gets better and that alone puts a smile on my face You can't fathom...because they're silly games. So no more trying to make sense out of senseless and keep going NC. Keep moving forward!
Author Squidoo Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 Indeed geegirl, onwards and upwards!!
Author Squidoo Posted September 10, 2012 Author Posted September 10, 2012 FML, I hate it. He's 9. Again with the kid in the man.... You're right taramaiden, back to the playground for him..... I think it's where he's happiest!
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